7 Signs You’re Dating a Female Player

No I am not a player…derr. I tried serial dating and yeah I could do it but I certainly didn’t like it.  I would never be able to manage the level of manipulation that players need to have. (If you’re a player..I aint judging. It’s a style..it’s just not my style.) In fact, after so many failed attempts at building a relationship, I have fantasized about being this awesome, smooth player that went around flipping her hair and destroying hearts. BUT REALLY…..Who am I kidding? I’m just not wired that way. I have stood back in awe at some of my girlfriend players….SO here’s my list yo!

You are (PROBABLY) Dating a Female Player if……

1. She never is available to meet your friends or family. (If a girl you are dating doesn’t want to meet family/friends its a BIG red flag. Most of us REALLY want that if we are into you. So if she doesn’t..she’s playing.)
2. The woman you are dating has early conversations about your income. (Come on fella’s-that’s a sign!)
3. Her fashion sense mirrors reality TV stars. (It’s one thing to be fashionable but if she is DRIVEN by labels…keep your guard up.)
4. When the woman you are dating drops hints about specific bills. (Man I have NEVER had ANYONE pay ANY bill for me…but I have seen girlfriends do it and get their bills paid and its utterly amazing…um no I’m not jealous or anything…really…)
5. If the woman you are dating only wants to meet with you at odd hours and at odd spots she’s probably playing you. (I am sorry but it’s most likely because she doesn’t want to be seen with you. Ouchie-I know) 
6. If a woman you are dating keeps planning and pushing for invites to posh clubs and restaurants you should watch for other player behavior. (The theme here is status. She’s vying for it .)
7. When the woman you are interested in only responds to your phone calls/texts…she may be playing you. (This one’s tricky. Like the male playing counterpart…a female player will disappear for periods of time and respond when she feels like it. However, a shy or old-fashioned woman may only answer in response to you.)
8. The best female player will be able to spend very little time with you but make you feel like she is REALLY into you. (This is the level of manipulation I was referring to. When a woman is capable of it, she vastly outshines the male player-sorry playa it’s the truth!)

Awe man that’s 8 huh? Gosh darn Clark County education! So where’s my moral???? Here goes! Men: Beware of the player that just traps you into the entire game of playing. It’s stupid. Ladies: If all you are looking for is a paycheck…more power to you. I do encourage you to examine what that means in the long run. 1. A loveless relationship that is based entirely on assets and the trade-off might not be worth it (I’m almost positive it won’t be.) 2. The likelihood of being traded in some day once the appeal wears off. If the relationship was shallow to begin with, do not be surprised if this happens. Yes I once dreamed of Richard Gere climbing up my fire escape and declaring his undying love. This is reality…Check Mate!

Until next time….Ciao!

8 Signs You Are Dating A Douche

Oh yeah I so went there! I’ve learned a few things during my dating adventures. Pollyanna Sara is not quite as dumb as she used to be. This chica has learned a few things and has a better idea of what to avoid. (Some of you might be like: “Wow this girl didn’t know that!” Well some of them I didn’t so no judging!)

***Also, to my male readers, I’ve got something I’m working on for you. (I’ve been conducting super sleuth research. You will be amazed..err maybe not amazed but at least mildly impressed..I hope)***  Back to the topic at hand…

The guy might be a douche if:

• He never ever asks you a single thing about yourself (I can almost guarantee it’s because he doesn’t care.)
• If the guy only calls or texts you on a Friday (He probably just wants to hook up.)
• He texts you randomly and never responds to you (I have heard of a program that allows people to “mass” text people. Effin RUDE to text someone and disappear! ugh!) 
• If he has brass balls-not the kind used for sports-hanging from the back of his truck (I know there are always exceptions but this screams Douche. sorry)
• If you met him online and over half of his pictures are of him topless (Anyone who follows my blog knows how I feel about this. PUT.A.SHIRT.ON..geesh)
• The guy you’ve been on a couple of dates with that asks for pictures of you non stop. (Hey, send me a pic of those great legs. Um NO!)
• Any guy you’re dating that ceaselessly sends you pictures of himself-in bed, getting out of the shower, etc. (Yeah…I don’t get it.)
• A guy who doesn’t understand why he’s been single for over three years but thinks two weeks is enough time to score a home run. (This one is personal-so what?)
• ANY guy who asks YOU out on a date but thinks you should pay (This has not happened to me but it has happened to friends of mine. If it did happen to me I guarantee you the conversation would go like this, “You can get the bill-you asked me out and I left my wallet at home.” BOOM!)

I know I said 8 and I gave you 9. So sue me! The truth is I could probably go on and on. I know there are good men out there. However, as I reflect on the men I’ve met, I can’t help but wonder where they are?

MORAL: If you are a man who read this and thought, “This isn’t me.” GOD Bless you. Thank you for being a real man. If you are a man who read this and thought, “I do that.” STOP IT! Pretty Please? If you are a woman who read this and can relate…keep your head up. There are great men out there….I’ve met some-but they were married to great women…but some of them have to be single-I just know it!

Until next time…Ciao!

No Means No!

So I went through something kind of traumatic last weekend.  (I need a break.) I just need to clear my head.  Tonight I feel mostly better.

I usually don’t post about my dating life in journal fashion. The purpose of my blog is to offer dating guidance and cover different struggles I encounter. There are a lot of great blogs out there that share specifics and I love to read them but it’s not my intention to share all of my dating life with you. My purpose is to share wisdom I’ve learned. However, I do share when I think it’s something of value. (My NYE was a good example.)

I met a man and went out on a few dates with him. He was very very nice. He called me all the time, and sent me wonderful text messages. It was actually very refreshing. I like it when a man shows me he is interested.  He made it a point to let me know several times how desirable and great I was. However, on the third date things changed. He was very pushy and aggressive and when I tried to slow him down (I mean I’ve only known this homeboy for two weeks) he became angry.

Once I got the situation calmed and was able to leave he sent me a text stating that the reason most men stop talking to me around the third date is because I don’t put out. NOW I’M UPSET! I mean What the What??? It was one thing to have to tell this creep to keep his filthy paws off my silky draws now he’s telling me why I’m doomed to be single. I couldn’t leave this alone….I asked, “Do you mean if a woman doesn’t put out on the third date. men think there is no future?” He said, “Yes, that is the way a man thinks.” I finally told him this conversation was depressing me and to have a good night. AND….

I cried. I cried hard (first I was actually scared for my physical safety and then I was told I’m a prude who’s doomed to be alone.) and then…Well…I called BullShit. Not so..I mean it can’t be the truth. Right?? How can I EVER move beyond a third date if that’s how it goes. TWO weeks??? That’s just not my style. I mean unless it was love at first sight or something. Then I calmed down..like the next day. Once that happened I realized how very STUPID that man was. Men looking for a relationship will take their time. (um no I’m not saying 1 year) but enough time for a quality woman to be comfortable. I then decided to let it go.

Then the next day this Mutha F%^&*() texts me, “Don’t be depressed, just realize that’s how a man thinks.” OH NO HE DIDN’T..THIS FOOL DON’T KNOW ME!!! My response was this, “I’m not depressed. I’ve decided that any guy that expects me to have sex with him on the third date after only two weeks is not the type of man I want. I’ve also spoken with other men that don’t agree with you. They don’t want to be with a woman who gives it away so easily. So I guess it depends on the guy. I’m looking for someone who actually cares about me first and there’s nothing wrong with that. I can tell you that I was expecting something different from you. If you only date women that put out in two weeks, it’s probably the reason why you are still single after three years. Most – not all- but most women who do that are not looking for a relationship. You have two daughters, would you want them with men that thought like that? It might be something you should think about.” BOOM!

Yet he texts me again! (Really???)  “Maybe but I didn’t think that you felt that spark for me and that’s okay. I wish you the best and good luck.” I say it again: Really??? I know I should have stopped but I couldn’t help myself. I replied, “Well I don’t anymore but I was interested. LOL Good Luck to you too.” Observations and a  Moral…Oh yeah I got several!

1. This man was ONLY nice to me for a specific reason-not cuz he liked me for me. Good one buddy.

2. There is NO time frame on sex. I don’t care what you say. It could be three dates it could be 20. It’s when it feels right. (oh and maybe once you take the time to even learn something about me) jerk.

3. Ladies..BE SAFE! I never saw this attitude coming and this might have had a very tragic ending. You don’t always know who you are dating.

IRONY: Oh yeah…This cat actually had a chance. I was attracted to him and it’s been so long since someone made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Dumb Ass... Also, he was a Police Officer (No I am not worried. This guy did not give a fig about me and is definitely on to his next victim.) Finally, and before you jump to conclusions, I did NOT meet him online.

Wrapping up my little adventure…Please be safe in the dating world. Do not confuse attention with an interest in a relationship. The person might have selfish intentions. HOWEVER…don’t become so jaded you assume all attention is negative. (I need to remember that.) Also, do things according to your own timeline…never someone else’s.

Phew that was a close one! Until next time….Ciao!

What Do You Attract??

I know I’ve written about my affinity for bad boys. MMMMHMMMM I love me a bad boy. However, I don’t WANT to want a bad boy…oh no! I married one of the baddest-it stops being fun I promise. Now, he’s gone tragically. That means I’m left-as usual-to hold all the pieces. BUT…I’m straying off topic.

If you dismiss the fact the other man I loved was completely different, the only other guy that caught my interest and qualified as more than “meh” was a mystery dude who I am pretty sure is shacking with a woman. (I kinda really liked him for some reason. Gosh I’m a dumb ass ) So I took a poll of all the guys I’ve dated and…well scratch that. I took a poll of all the guys that I have dated RECENTLY and had chemistry with and the answer is surprising…

• Out of the last 5 guys I’ve dated and thought..hmmm maybe (I’m not a serial dater anymore) 4 ..yes I said 4..have been in law enforcement

1. Detective
2. US Marshall
3. Gang Unit
4. Detective

• The remaining guy, I’m pretty sure was a thug. Yeah I’m almost positive. Why you ask? Well…he drove a Mercedes, always had a huge stack of 100’s, wore very nice jewelry and his job was non-existent. Derr. He WAS nice though and had an excellent vocabulary. (Um yeah that kinda matters to me.)

This wouldn’t have even been worth posting about if I hadn’t just had another Police Officer ask me out. One of my girlfriends finally pulled me aside and said, “Sara you need to ask yourself why thugs and police officers ask you out all the time.” hmmmm…I don’t know! I can be in my church clothes

and this guy will hit me up… 

Seriously, I LOVE Nelly but get that crap out of your mouth!

*******DISCLAIMER******* I love men in uniform and totally respect law enforcement so I don’t mind dating them. Also, I already admitted to liking bad boys. So I am not judging either groups.

What I would like to see is some variety! In conclusion, I am examining what type of energy I am putting out there. Also, I am going to be more open to different types of men.  I wish I could say I have some specific advice but I don’t. I DO have a moral. Are you only attracting or dating one specific type of person? Is it working?  If it’s not, maybe you should try to explore. Just a thought my peeps….

Until next time….Ciao!