Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

The Unintentional Player

Don’t hate the player, hate the game! No really, blame the player. However, sometimes a player doesn’t know they are playing. Just for fun, I googled “definition of a player.” Here is one of my favorite ones.

player
a guy who: 
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship 
(2) is in full reproductive mode 
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts) 
(4) often “dates” several girls  (girls are often unaware of each other) 
(5) is an asshole!
don’t hate the player, hate the game? yeah right!
Here was another one. (I had to correct the grammar on these..just as a fyi)
player
A man or woman who hooks up with many different persons but commits to none and in that process ends up hurting some of those involved but there is a difference between player and asshole listed below as 1 and 2 and players generally being happy people until they are caught are opposites of the player hater who only hates because he can’t play or lost or has a girl who got her heart broke by one and is insecure
1 Male or female that has a lot of one night stands or short relationships with many people at once 2 Female or male who has several long-term aka ” i love you” relationships and tricks each into thinking she’s/he’s the one
I’m kinda shocked that 99% of the definitions refer to them as male. I have known some pretty crafty female players.  I have decided that I am going to create my own definition. Why not? It’s my blog yo!
Player
A man or woman who intentionally or unintentionally “plays” or misleads someone during the course of a relationship.
1. The male/female may know they are not looking for the same things but proceed to manipulate the other party for personal gain such as a. money b. sex c. convenience
2. The male/female may not realize they are not ready for a monogamous relationship yet attempt to develop one only to end up hurting the other party involved. This may be due to a. maturity level b. ignorance c. past baggage or emotional damage d. mental issues
Boom! I just wrote my own definition! Whose house???? Sara’s house!
Now that I am done tooting my own horn, I would like to quickly discuss unintentional players. The UP are possibly the most dangerous of all players. (yeah I am gonna use the acronym UP and for my slow friends…such as myself…this stands for Unintentional Player.) UP’s are dangerous because they are harder to spot. Why? UP’s are difficult to identify because they do not KNOW they are a player.  They have not reached a level of awareness in what they want. It’s one thing for someone to KNOW they are a player but to not know it is an entirely different issue. Before you even think of arguing, I challenge you to think of all the dumb people you know. Most of them do not realize it. ( At least I KNOW I’m stupid!) I wanted to write a list of things a UP does but I stopped. I stopped because the list looks the exact same way as what I’ve written about players. So here’s my advice.
Moral: Whether the person REALIZES they are playing with your feelings or not doesn’t matter. The point is that they are. I sympathize with UP’s because they have no level of self-awareness at all. They often flounder in relationships and do not even realize that the real problem is themselves. However, if a player wants to be a player…play on. Just don’t play with me! Ha!  I am not judging a player. However, my post and really my entire blog is to help people who want something real. I just caution everyone not to justify the actions of someone based on the fact that they don’t MEAN to.  Players don’t always know it. I guess that’s all I really have to say about that peeps.
Until next time….here’s a song…ciao!

November 23, 2013 Posted by | Players, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

5 Signs That You’re the Back-up Date

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while now.   Today I received an email that enabled me to start on this post again.

Dear Sara,

I have been dating this guy for about three months. He calls me regularly for about two weeks and then disappears. He always asks me out on last-minute dates. The dates go well but then he disappears. Why do you think he does that?

Anonymous

Here are 5 signs that you are the back up date:

  1. The person calls you regularly then disappears
  2. The person shows interest and then runs cold for periods of time
  3. The object of your affection always asks you out at the last-minute (once in a while is ok, but always is a red flag)
  4. He/she is not moving forward in the relationship (if it’s been months and you still only see him/her once a week..there might be an issue.)
  5. He/she demonstrates random behavior (calls a lot, stops calling. Always responds to text messages, then stops. It’s really a continuation of number 2.)

I am sorry Anonymous. I think there is a strong chance you are the back-up date. My advice is to stop seeing him. I would let him know that you are looking for a more consistent relationship. Be honest and then walk away. You can’t make someone want to make you a priority.  I know that sucks and it hurts (I’ve been there) but if you walk away now, you can find someone who DOES want to make you a priority. Good luck my friend!  To my male friends (and female) please drop this attitude. There is no point in dating just to date…not when you’re a grown up.

backup date

Until Next Time…Ciao!

October 22, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Players Always Come Back!

Players always circle back on me. It’s like I’m on their quarterly rotation or something! So I received a message from a real douche..err gem of a man yesterday that basically asked me casually if I could help him find a job. He stated, “I noticed you’re on LinkedIn, do you have a job for me?” I waited and I debated. I am working on growing as a person. I should be mature and ignore him. This is the only man who ever officially played me. Why in the world would I reply?

Well….The answer is cuz I’m immature….derr. So I answered in a very lady-like manner. I replied with, “I didn’t know you were looking for a job. I have a great Proctologist I can refer you to.” See! I can keep it classy! He responded with, “I’m not but judging by your response, it sounds like you need one.” Now I never loved this cat. In fact, I don’t even know who he really is. You can’t feel deeply for someone you don’t know. He was sarcastic like me with a quick wit that amused me and kind of nice.  I allowed him to crawl inside my head during a time when I was very very vulnerable and he took advantage of that. (Although I am certainly responsible for letting him.) However, I don’t really care much other than he is still a mystery to me. Oh and like I said he is really my only “mistake.”  He doesn’t qualify to even be considered an ex.  I haven’t seen him in over a year. This man proceeded to tell me that he viewed my profile because he missed me. HA! How very amusing to me.

Captain Dumb Ass…we will call him that… is not a nice man. You can refer to any of my posts about players and see he fits the stereotype to a T. Everything you tell him, he pushes back on me. I call him a player, he says, “No you’re the player.” When I tried to stop seeing him over a year ago (during the brief tenure of our dating) he pushed back HARD to keep me. He didn’t do this because he cared. He did it because players like a challenge. In my naive and inexperienced head I thought, “Wow he must really be into me because he’s fighting for me.” Although when I paid attention to him, he came and went as he pleased including answering calls and texts. It was on his time frame. That’s because I was only interesting to him when there was a game running in his head. When it ended, I was stung. I mean he was only one of two men that EVER really caught my interest in my single adventure. (The other I am happily dating so score for me.) However, I didn’t see his behavior coming and I was just caught 100% off guard. I felt very used and I am about honesty here..I was used.

I will never forget what a female friend said to me during that time. (A female player friend by the way..ironic??) She told me, “He will be back.” I told here there was no way he would ever contact me again. He contacted me a little over three months ago to tell me he saw me out one night and to see how I was doing. I didn’t feed into it then. Players always come back. I’ve been on enough first and second dates with them to know that now. However, I shouldn’t have participated in conversation with him this time.   I engaged back because I was having a bad day and I felt like being mean.  This is why I am writing about it tonight.

Advice for today?  If you ever wondered if you were dating a player, one of the absolute biggest signs is he/she will circle back on you.  (psst: this has to be in conjunction with a bunch of other things.) Do not cave when they come back.  If the only two men were left on the planet were him and Pee Wee Herman, I’d be loving me some Pee Wee… Just sayin… To an intentional player, this circle back game is fun for them. They like to see if they can get back in after they’ve treated you like garbage.  If you have ever had someone play with your feelings….just know you’re not alone. Learn from it, accept it, forgive yourself, forgive the other person and move on. I will pray extra hard for Captain Dumb Ass. I hope he finds a way to stop. At 44, I expected a man to be done with the games…guess not! Remember to always play by your own rules when dating and never someone else’s.

Until Next Time..Ciao!

September 19, 2013 Posted by | Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Getting Played: What’s it Feel Like?

Someone asked me recently what it feels like to date a player. I have been thinking about it ever since I read the question last weekend. My quick answer is it doesn’t feel good. Derr…It’s really not nice to play with someone’s head. I mean that’s a really crappy thing to do to someone who is dating with the good intentions of finding a partner. In fact, a player is why I started my blog.

I hate repeating myself but I entered the dating game late-like over a decade late. I never thought it would be hard. I mean I didn’t expect to run right out and find my true love but I really thought I would be beating great men off with sticks. HA HA HA! I really did just laugh out loud. I found idiots and sleezebags and drug users and jerks and weirdos.  Finding an actual nice man who caught my interest in the chemistry AND intellectual department was next to impossible.  I painfully discovered I was a BIG GIANT magnet for a player. Perhaps it was my lack of experience or my direct and independent nature that posed a challenge..I dunno? I beat myself up repeatedly over almost getting roughed up, on getting my feelings hurt and even stalked as a result of my inexperience. The result was my confidence came down several notches and I lost a small piece of my naivety. However,  I snapped out of that shiznit quick and decided to write. Soon thereafter, I discovered the method to spot a player and I am constantly trying to find different ways to educate anyone who is interested in avoiding them while dating. (If you want to troubleshoot a possible player situation, email me..I really do have that down.) I am not losing any sleep over any players ever again but I’ve been there.

So if you are asking me this as the player, the answer is that playing emotional games with a woman is horrible. It is demeaning and it is hurtful and it is what gives men a bad reputation. (not all men-I believe good men exist. I have one in my life.) I can honestly say there was one point in time when I had tears in my eyes over a jerk who totally took advantage of me that I actually understood why some women are bitter. Side note: If you are bitter…let that go too because it’s counterproductive.

My final opinion to your question: If you are an intentional player, shame on you. If you are in your twenties and just getting your feet wet..um okay. However, if you are in your mid thirties and beyond and still playing, I feel sorry for you. I guarantee that one day you will wake up at 60 and be all alone and perhaps that’s what you deserve. However, it’s not too late. We all make mistakes in life…just stop doing it. Treat women the way you would want someone to treat your daughter. Oh and psst: this advice goes both ways. To all my female players: Men are not your door mat. I am raising two boys and I don’t want them to be anywhere near a woman like that. Boom!

Until Next Time…Ciao!

September 3, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth, Players, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Qualities of a Male Player: The 5 most common signs

Oh Mr. Player…I GOT YOUR NUMBER! In fact, I am confident that I can spot a player and be right almost every time. It’s all about patterns of behavior. He may be a dumb ass  guy or a smooth operator, but a male player will always demonstrate some common symptoms. It is amazing. I have compared the list below against several case studies (besides my own personal experiences in the past) and the results are consistent. Players really do have specific characteristics.

*****While players ALWAYS do what I am about to mention. that does not mean ONLY players do these things. I mean there are extenuating circumstances for everything. Don’t go breaking up with your boyfriend over one symptom (Keep calm and follow me all the way through this-will ya?)*****

david_beckham

(Is that David Beckham? Yeah it is!)

PLAYERS WILL ALWAYS:

  1. Come up with grandiose lines like: “I didn’t know women like you existed.” Then he will disappear for a significant amount of time. (He’s baited you and now he’s giving you time to crave him. Eeeeew A-Hole)
  2. Repeatedly tell you how he is not about playing games. (A male player is always trying to “play” with your head. Look at his actions not his words. Is he really into you or are you just being spoon fed his BS like it was Hagen Daz?)
  3. Pursue you harder the more you resist. He will be patient and persistent if you push away. (A player loves a challenge. DO NOT think that just because he keeps trying that he cares. Why did you push him away? Be careful here-he may care or he may be playing. If this is the only sign I suggest you keep an open mind and observe. If he stops communicating or calling once he gets what he wants or once you start showing interest-RUN! Oh and quit pushing while you’re at it cuz it’s dumb..just sayin..)
  4. Make you feel very important while investing as little time as possible with you in order to get what they seek-money, sex, car rides-who knows? (Why? Because they don’t care honey…I’m sorry but it’s true. Think about the last man who loved you or that genuinely cared about you. Did that man always try to get time with you? Don’t you like to spend time with someone you are interested in? I am not saying ALL the time but when you are into someone, you make an effort. Every man who has really liked me has made me feel this way. If they do not, I follow my own advice and stop responding. They are either playing me or not that into me. So I move on sister. We are strong women and we don’t need that crap.)
  5. Come back! A player always comes back. It is freaking hilarious! (I have had 5 of them circle back in the last 3 months. When you blow off a player, they will contact you again. It highly amuses me. In fact,  my only really painful experience from a player was a guy I got very caught up in for about three months. Um I didn’t love him but I was really digging him. That fool played me so hard-core and then just blew me off. SO I flew off the handle at him. I mean I told him off hoodrat style. It was like he fed on this. He kept coming back. Then I blew him of for real. I stopped responding. Mr. Player moved on to his next victim. My girlfriend (who is a player herself..heehee) told me that he will be back. I argued that he would not be back. He contacted me last week. UN  FREAKING BELIEVABLE!!! In his case, he saw me out on a date and felt the need to contact me to see how I was. Yeah I am just fine dipstick..I didn’t even skip a beat in telling him how happy I was.  Double Triple Dog Eeeeewwww!) I challenge you on this one. How many players have circled back on you? Do you think they suddenly missed you. Uh no-they just got bored sweetie. Please trust me on this.

My advice?

LADIES: Please do not let one sign I listed make you freak out. Consider the actions of the man. I say it all the time. When a man wants you, he will make it known.

MEN: Look, I am not a male hater. In fact I am raising two men. However, I can’t count the times I have shed tears over a man misleading me. During the course of being single, I have been so upset, shocked and used by men that I have almost given up entirely.  If you are a player, I am not judging but please consider what you are doing. Women are strong. However, sometimes our strength lies in our gentle nature. Don’t hurt us. Would you want your daughter treated that way? Besides, if you ever want a meaningful relationship you are gonna need to knock it off yo. There is nothing more pathetic than a washed up player. 

Until next time…Ciao!

June 13, 2013 Posted by | Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments