Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Online Dating: First Contact Emails…Pass/Fail?

The first email from a stranger! Some are thoughtful first encounters, some are uncomfortably weird, and some are an absolute trip. Regardless of the quality, they are an essential component of online dating. So….in an effort to be useful, I would like to share some online approach wisdom…..Once again take it for what its worth..my humble opinion..blah blah blah…

DO NOT use the first email approaches below-they don’t work. Well…they don’t work on women like me.

  • Useless one line messages like: “Please”, “You’ve got star potential”, “U Down”That one kills me..down for what dude?, “Hey Sexy” and on an on..you get the drift-right? I wonder how often those lines work on different women?
  • Guys that copy and paste the same message to multiple women. Um if you think I wouldn’t notice, maybe you should double-check who you are sending it to because I received it twice-ha! Psst: We can tell….
  • Completely illiterate messages. My favorite one is a recent message from a guy that said, “Dam yo eyes is as blu as da sea. U got sum purfecion in u gurl.”  Hey I  like the idea of having perfection in me..but really? heeheehee
  • Beware of the one touch approach. “Text me at 555-1212”  Excuse me bro but I don’t even know you or your name. Why would I text you?
  • The mysterious message doesn’t fool me either. “I can’t have a picture of myself online because I have powerful enemies, but I will email you one.”  What are you Superman? Is Lex Luther after you? Gimme a break. You are married-you know it and I know it. Double Eeeeewwwwww!!

DO  try the first email approaches below-they might work. Well…they might work on women like me.

  • The person who takes the time to read my profile. This would be noticeable by stating a fact  included on the profile.
  • Take your email a step further by including a commonality. It motivates me more to respond if we share an interest.
  • Create an email that is obviously original and custom to the person you are contacting. For example, if the profile of the person states they are outgoing and silly-try to send a message that is…..outgoing and silly..Are you following?
  • The keep it simple approach. An example is, “Hello. I really liked your profile and wanted to take the time to say hello. How are you?”  This approach comes across as simple and honest.  Me likey!
  • The direct and honest message. “Hello, I really liked your profile. Please check my profile out and if you feel the same way, let’s talk.”  I am a really big fan of direct. This approach also has a second value. If the girl/guy is not interested in you, it saves time. Sweeeeeet!

Best of luck!! Online dating is rough!! I’m about to retire from it…but stay tuned…..

December 31, 2012 Posted by | Online Dating | , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Who am I?

I am the one you ignored for weaker versions

I am the one you desperately wish you had now that I am gone

I am the one that supports herself and everyone around her

I am the one you assumed would always be there

I am the one that follows her heart

I am overlooked

I am misunderstood

I am underestimated

I get taken for granted

I am a warrior

I am brave

I am intimidating

I am beautiful

I am passionate

I am alone

I am resilient

I am the one left holding all the pieces together

I only cry when no one’s watching

I am the one that always smiles

I am the one that got away

I am the one you miss

Who am I?

I am a strong woman

December 30, 2012 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Random Observations About Dating

Yep I said random. Here’s some completely random stuff I have discovered while dating in Las Vegas…

  • PUT YOUR SHIRT ON!!! Man I am so tired of seeing online dating profiles of men with no shirt on and flexing in the mirror. COVER IT UP DUDE I don’t need to see it!
  • Has anyone else noticed that the majority of men that have online profiles are bald? Not losing hair but completely shaved? I have..it’s real…
  • According to MSNBC 32% of men with online dating profiles are married. That’s 3 out of 10 men! Eeeeewwww….It’s true look it up!
  • Las Vegas has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. Derrr right?
  • I have come across more Virgo single men in this city than any other sign. Look if you’re a Virgo, I am not hating..I’m just saying…
  • Has anyone mastered the first date hug/handshake protocol? Seriously..I am so tired of should I hug..should I handshake? Both? Uggh..
  • Did you know there is an internet dating conference that is held in Las Vegas almost every year? Um Noooooo I’ve never been to one but it’s a fact. The next one is January 16, 2013 and the info is internetdatingconference.com. Don’t look for me cuz I won’t be there
  • Did you know Las Vegas has a very LARGE market for lock and key events-speed dating? I will be attending the next one in January so look for my post. I am kinda scurred (pronounced sceeeeerrrrrd)
  • One More Time! PUT YOUR SHIRT ON for your online dating profile picture..Geesh that is one of my pet peeves..in case you can’t tell.

December 29, 2012 Posted by | Mistakes, Online Dating | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Loving you HURTS…knowing when to walk away

Continue reading

December 26, 2012 Posted by | Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Want to Impress Her? Do This:

So guys, you are on a first date and you would really like to impress her and distinguish yourself from all the other guys that she is dating.  Well, in case you don’t have a Ferrari, private jet, unlimited supplies of cash and Brad Pitt’s private cell phone number here are a few ideas that will work to impress your date.

First, try using some old fashioned chivalry.

  • Come around and open the car door and the restaurant door for her.
  • Help her on and off with her jacket/coat.
  • At the restaurant, pull her chair out for her.
  • If she leaves the table and then comes back, stand up until she is seated.
  • Let her order first.
  • Don’t start eating until she is served.
  • If she is cold let her wear your jacket.

I know these things sound kind of out dated but I guarantee you that women love it! They will think much more highly of you too if you do these things.  Most men don’t, and it will distinguish you over many of their other dates.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  It works.

Second take a genuine interest in her.  One thing everyone likes to talk about is themselves.  Women especially love to talk and they love to talk about themselves.  The more you listen to her talk and take a sincere interest in what she is saying the more she will like you.

One of my favorite TV shows is Two and a Half men.  There is this one episode where Charlie is listening to his brother’s ex-wife Judith talk about all of her problems. All he keeps saying is “Judith, I understand” (in reality he has no clue as to what she is talking about nor does he care) but because he let’s her know that “he understands” she instantly is drawn to him and even though she really hates him he now becomes her best friend.

Finally, do what you say you will do!  One thing that all women really hate is if you say you will call and then you don’t.  If you really want her to like you, call her when you said you would.

These are just a few ideas that have worked well for me.  I’m sure there are lot’s of other things you can do, but this would be a really good start.

December 22, 2012 Posted by | Chemistry, First Dates, Introduction, Men Advice, Mistakes, Relationships | 6 Comments

What I wish men knew….while dating

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There are LOTS of talks and theories about the differences between men and women. I understand that we truly communicate differently as a gender. I mean this is not stuff made up to sell books. I was married a long time and although I’m not any longer, I do feel that I discovered a few things about men’s communication style. (don’t worry guys-I’m not saying I’m an expert-there’s still some mystery.)

Below you will find what I wish men knew or acted like they knew….especially while dating. ****DISCLAIMER***** This is my opinion. I can’t say I speak for ALL women or even the MAJORITY of women. However, if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I am speaking as a GOOD woman.

  • I wish men knew that it really hurts when you don’t call when you say you will. (if you don’t plan on calling, don’t pretend you will cuz that stuff hurts my feelings.)
  • I wish men knew that it’s okay if you are talking to multiple women. Unless we have an agreement, I am talking to other men too. (Just don’t make it obvious or ignore me)
  • Please don’t treat me like a back-up date even if I am. (This correlates to the request above-it stings my pride man)
  • If you are no longer interested in seeing me, please tell me. (I’m a big girl-I can take it, I promise)
  • Please do not text me a question and when I reply disappear. (I mean what the heck did you ask for then..uggh)
  • If you don’t call/text me, I automatically think you don’t like me. (I am used to men expressing interest-not playing hard to get.)
  • If I don’t ALWAYS call you first it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. (Look-I know this stuff is confusing but I was taught from a young age that a good girl should not make herself too available or throw herself at a man-its part of what makes me a “lady.”)

There are so many many more things but I am tired of writing. These are the ones that bother me the most often. If you are a woman reading this and agree well I hope you feel a little better because you are not alone. If you are a man reading this and feel enlightened-awesome! It would be nice to think I enlightened someone. So until next time….

Ciao

December 21, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice | , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

“Only Fools Rush In…”

fools rush in

…Or at least that’s what Elvis said in his famous song, I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You. Yup, I am one of those fools that he is talking about.

So here’s what happened. Just 3 days after my wife left me I met a woman at of all places, a singles dance at church! Then, exactly 3 weeks later she moved in with me and a few months after that we got married! I’m sure you can see where this one is going and you are right, it did not turn out good at all and now I have yet another ex-wife!

Yup, I’m a fool, I rushed in and it was a huge mistake. The reason I’m bringing all of this up is because I learned three very hard lessons from this experience and I hope you don’t have to learn them the same way I did.

Lesson One: Don’t ever date out of revenge! Never date someone in an effort to get over a previous relationship. I was hurt very badly by my ex-wife. I thought I’ll show you, I’ll just find someone else and replace you! That never turns out good because your intentions are totally wrong. You should date someone and build a relationship with them because of what the two of you have together, not just to get back at someone else who hurt you.

Lesson Two: Slow it down! We all know how intoxicating that infatuation stage of dating can be. You know, when you first are falling in love and the other person can do no wrong. Well, I can tell you that stage wears off and there will come a time when that other person can and will do a whole lot of wrong. If you have rushed in and made a commitment before you see what you are really getting into chances are it will turn out to be bad, really really bad!

Lesson Three: If it is a problem when you are dating, it will only get worse if you get married. When my ex and I rushed in we were both aware of the fact that we had vastly different views regarding religion. It was a tiny problem when we were dating. However, after we were married it was a HUGE Deal Breaking issue and as it turned out it was the main reason that our marriage was doomed to fail.

Dating gives us an opportunity to really get to know someone on a deep level and to figure out if this is the person that we want to be with. However, if you “Rush In” you will totally miss out on that opportunity. I know I have done it, now don’t you be a “Fool” like I was.

December 19, 2012 Posted by | Chemistry, First Dates, Introduction, Men Advice, Mistakes, Women Advice | 1 Comment

There’s a time for compromise…..It’s called LATER!

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Yeah I said it…compromise later! I want to talk about something I am seeing as a pattern among some of my friends and associates. There is a major difference between having a give and take relationship and compromising what you need in a relationship.

For example, I have a girlfriend that only dates buff black men that make over $100k per year. She will not budge on any of that. She is VERY serious about ONLY finding that attractive. She is still single.That’s perhaps being rigid. I happen to be one of those rare people that likes a variety (No not at the same time-I know that’s where you went.) This means I may find you attractive if you’re between 5’7″ or 6’5″. (the fact I am super short might account for that.) I don’t care what color the hair is or the skin is. I care about the person and overall presentation. What I have been famous for-in the past-is compromising what I need to be happy. In fact I stayed in a bad situation for 13 years as a result. What does that mean though?

That means no man/woman should compromise what they need to be happy. Is your significant other ignoring you? Do you only see them once a week when you need more company than that? Here’s a favorite of mine (no giggles please.) Is your partner satisfying your physical ( Yeah I said PHYSICAL) needs? Relationships are hard work. There will be MANY times you have to compromise. Compromise on what types of food to serve, on important purchases, on housing situations, on which movie to watch-but you  should never ever compromise on what you need from them. Oh and I said NEED not WANT. So is there a moral to this? Yep I promise there is….wait for it…..

………..I see too many women and men compromising on what they really need in order to not be alone…..especially in a town as complicated and crazy as Las Vegas……

I can assure you I am done with that behavior. How do you begin? Start with being aware of what you really need out of a relationship, then set boundaries. If someone can’t give you what you need after you have lovingly (hint I mean nicely) communicated this with that person…well it’s time to walk away. Do not sell out what you need in order to not be alone. It’s not good for you or the other person. Trust me on this one…I gave up a chunk of my life. It doesn’t work.  Remember-it’s okay to be alone sometimes-you’re fabulous just as you are.

Ciao!

December 19, 2012 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Woman

If you have been involved in the crazy mixed up world of online dating for even a short period of time I’m sure you have probably encountered what I like to call the strange case of the “disappearing woman.”

One of the first women that I met in my online dating experience seemed really nice. We went through all of the steps of emailing, texting, talking on the phone etc. and then finally agreed to meet for a low-key casual “coffee date.” Well, that date ended up lasting 2 + hours and it seemed like we had a real connection.

The next night we went to dinner together. We had a great time and I really felt like we had a connection. She actually texted me that night after the date saying what a great time she had and was really looking forward to seeing me again. Sounds like she was pretty interested..right?

I called her the next day and left her a voice mail message. She texted me right back saying that she was just going into her yoga class and would call me later. Once again she said that she had a really great time the night before and was looking forward to talking to me again soon.

Well, guess what, no call that night, the next day or ever! I sent her a couple of texts and left another voice mail message and nothing. She just disappeared! I hope she wasn’t hit by a bus or eaten by a lion, but I have no idea. She just disappeared.

It is fine if you don’t want to see me anymore, but don’t just disappear! That is just plain rude! I know that online dating is crazy and messed up, but come on ladies, show a little class and have a some common courtesy. If you don’t want to see someone anymore at least take a couple of minutes and send a short text, email or phone call. It’s not that tough to say “I have decided to see someone else.” It’s just common courtesy and it certainly shows a lot more class than simply being the “disappearing woman.”

December 18, 2012 Posted by | Chemistry, First Dates, Introduction, Men Advice, Mistakes, Online Dating, Women Advice | 5 Comments

Hey Baby…You’re just what I’ve been looking for!!

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Well…you’re not what I’ve been looking for really. (But you wouldn’t know that because you never asked.) Okay okay okay…I would never REALLY pull a gun on someone-but some days I wish I had a pass.

I recently-and I mean recently-received a message from a lovely gentleman that offered me money to travel with him. I am no longer so naive that I don’t understand that women exist out there that appreciate that kind of thing. I’m just not one of them. This chica is not for sale yo!  What I don’t understand is why a man would hit me up for that after reading my profile. Furthermore, I don’t understand why a man would argue with me after I told him (bluntly) to take a hike. Do men think they can convince a woman of compromising her values? Uggh!

So his message stated..You are exactly what I am looking for. Okay I am already gathering he   must be into my pictures because I can’t imagine him being into me stunning intellect. I message him back to be a smart a&^ and see what he means. He proceeds to tell me that he needs a travel partner and is willing to buy my time. I let  him know this is Las Vegas and there are PLENTY of women who are into that but I’m not one of them. He continues to go back and forth with me. This is the kind of crap that makes me pull down my profile but I am sharing it for two reasons.

The first reason is to share that my mistake was engaging in conversation with him at all. (Maybe someone else will avoid doing it in the future.) The second reason is because what I SHOULD have done is just delete and block. I have used that move many times during my online tenure. Say it with me…Delete and Block……If you get a nasty man messaging you, what do you do? Delete and Block. If you get a psycho chic messaging you, what do you do? Delete and Block. Thank you. Now please drive through…….

December 16, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice, Online Dating, Women Advice | | Leave a comment