Should I Marry Her?

Marriage is a significant decision. I view offering advice about it very seriously. I have shortened the email below and I am sharing with permission. I treat all relationship advice I offer with the utmost respect. However, this one made me think more than most.

Dear Sara,

I’ve been dating a woman for a little over a year now. I asked her to marry me on our one year anniversary. We get along great. She is good to me. However, we do argue sometimes. Sometimes, things could be better and I worry about our future. When we argue it is over spending time together or perhaps I forgot to say something. The fights can be her fault sometimes too. I don’t know if disagreements are acceptable or if we might make a huge mistake. …..Do you think I should marry her?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

WOW! I cut some of it out because it was long but the gist of it is things are not perfect. I can’t tell anyone whether they should marry or not. What an important decision. I think relationships often fail  because both parties aren’t willing to put in the work. The truth is that (in my humble and oh so limited experience) you can have all the passion, love, and compatibility in the world but there will never be a perfect relationship.  There will always be times when someone gets on your nerves or hurts your feelings. The KEY is to not compromise what your basic needs are.  Examples of needs are:

Regular companionship

Sexual Needs

Honesty

Communication

Trust

Safety

There are more basic needs but all the above needs vary from person to person. Some people may need certain things more than others. However, you have to know yourself well enough to know what those needs are. If you communicate these needs and they are not met, the relationship is not strong. For the purpose of my opinion, let’s assume the needs are met…but sometimes things go wrong. Here’s my advice.

If you can look into her eyes and know that you are willing to stay and fight for her, you are with the right woman. If you can honestly say that you will stick around when things aren’t perfect and work through the issues then the decision is simple. If you are in it for the “long haul” then you should marry her. If there is doubt of that type of commitment, you should wait. The issue isn’t whether or not it is perfect. The real question to ask yourself is, do you want her through it all. The good stuff AND the bad stuff. If you have that level of commitment, this is a no brainer. Marry that woman and never let her go. Do not let fear stop you from committing.  I get it, it’s a big deal. However, there is no perfect. Only perfect for you.

Until Next Time…Ciao!