Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Oh No He Didn’t!

So we know if we are on dating sites, we will get approached via message. DATING SITES. Last Thursday I received the message below. (PSST: I am no longer on the dating sites and haven’t been for a year.)

Hello Beautiful, I may not be superman, but give me a second and I will fly across countries to send you my love. Have you received it? hope you don’t mind us communicating each other through our personal email,hope you don’t mind?
Waiting to read from you soon…. 

Regards……. Christopher

And TODAY I received a different message from a different man!!!!

Hi thanks for accepting my connection, anyway l have gone through your profile and l must tell you that am really impressed on what l have seen therefore thats why l connected you maybe we can share some ideas together after hours though we are in different fields. You look really good and would wanna get to know you properly. bye and hope to hear from you soon

Where do you think I received these messages? FaceBook? NOPE Twitter? NOPE….drum roll…….LinkedIn! Now go freaking figure. I always assumed this was a safe professional social networking venue. The first email was over the top stupid. (Ummm sorry it was.) Let me qualify: It was STUPID under any circumstance. Stupid on a dating site, stupid on a boat, and stupid with a goat. I really blew it off to one of those rare chance occurrences but four days later another guy sends me a message. What is this? LinkedIn Lonely Hearts Club? So über stupid and unprofessional. ( I do have a professional persona ya know!)

Todays Advice:

Men: PLEASE do not send this kind of crap. It is ridiculously transparent and insulting. (Psst: It is insulting because anyone who sends it must think I’m some kind of idiot to believe its authenticity; and if you can’t figure that one out buddy…phone a friend.) Anywho…I do not recommend generic, demeaning messages. If you happen to attract a woman this way, she may be….generic herself.

Women: Let’s not reply to this junk. I know it’s tempting to want to tell them off or to just plain ‘ole vent but it just isn’t worth it. I stopped a long time ago.

Everyone: LinkedIn is for business networking. Not hooking up…and that’s all I have to say about that.

Until Next Time….Ciao!

March 18, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Men Advice, Online Dating, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Aint No Holla Back Girl

I pulled up at the convenient store that is conveniently around the corner from my office at lunch. As I stepped in to get my usual fix of Bubblicious Bubble Gum, a man followed me in. He proceeded to make some very specific comments about very specific parts of my body while he chatted on the phone.  Picture…Puff Daddy meets Jay Z but not even in the same hemisphere of coolness. In my normal fashion I walk by in full Ice Queen mode, head held high and shoulders back, and do not make eye contact. As I am leaving, he was at the gas pump and yells from across the parking lot, “Hey!” I ignore him because I am really quite good at being an Ice Queen. He yells out, “Hello!” Finally, I turn as I am putting my key in the car door (um yes…I do not have a key fob…that’s how I roll yo) and I say hello back. Puff Daddy Z quickly gets in his brand new Mercedes and races towards me in his car. At this point I am stuck. He says, “Girl blah freaking blah you can fill in the blanks and a few comments about my sexiness.” I reply, “Thank you I am seeing someone.” He asked, “Are you sure?” I answer, “Yeah I am pretty sure,” He responded with a few more insinuations about how successful he is and a few more that amount to what a shame it is I am unavailable. Hey, he did pay me a few compliments so I thanked him as nicely as I could. He was kinda pushy though so I ended up being a little rude. By rude I mean I told him, “This conversation is over now. Good bye.” I giggled over the look on his face after I told him that as I drove back to work.  I am sorta childish like that. Although, the little episode did get me thinking.

****Qualifier: I am not necessarily saying I am so beautiful that men are always fawning over me. I am relatively easy on the eyes and every once in a while, I am REALLY some dudes type****

The episode got me thinking about his approach. First of all I would have lied to him and said I was seeing someone even if I was single. However, I gotta wonder how often his technique works? I also wish I knew why I was a magnet for men that think their new car or impressive job or what-the-hell-ever else they have to show off is enough to grab my interest. It’s really ironic because none of it matters to me. Not.At.All. All that floss is just entirely wasted on me. Although, I suspect many of my female counter parts in this city might care a little more…but not me. So I have become good at being rude. Chop ’em off at the knees when they’re pushy like this cat was…that’s my motto. (Ironically the really cocky ones seem to like my attitude the most but that’s another story.) Do women really holla back?  How would that conversation even go? “Gee thank you for complimenting my derriere and for so tactfully putting me on the spot in the gas station parking lot by screaming across it. All I really wanted was some bubble gum. However, now that I see you are truly a man of romance, style and compassion, I will go out with you.” Hmmmmm? Yeah I don’t see it happening.

So what’s my moral?

Gentleman: I admire tenacity. If you want something or someone, you should ask. BUT…is screaming across a parking lot or any variation of it ever a good idea? PSST: The answer is no. Also, there is no worse way to demean a woman of value than to make your first declaration of admiration a body part..I’m just gonna put that out there. Furthermore, if you ARE getting results from bragging about all your money AFTER complimenting a specific body part…beware of the woman. Just sayin.

Ladies: Don’t respond to this type of behavior….Like ever. That’s really all I have to say about that!

Until Next Time, here’s a song..just cuz!

Ciao!

November 5, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

If You Really Love Her….

Dear Sara,

I love my girlfriend. She is good for me. However, she requires so much work…. I feel like she needs to be told I love her too much……..I’ve already told her. We’ve been together for two years. Why do I need to keep telling her? She told me yesterday that she wished I complimented her more…. Last year she caught me with another woman. I didn’t love that woman. I said I was sorry and will never do it again.What’s the big deal?……Do you think she has a point? Or is she out of line and acting crazy? I know all women are crazy…I read your blog. I can tell you’re outta line too. I thought you might shed some light. I’m thinking of leaving her if this doesn’t stop….What should I do?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

I had to cut a LOT of this out and I did take the liberty of correcting his grammar. This piece of advice is going to write itself yo. I have my I’m gonna git you sucka smile on my face as I write.

When do you treat your woman/man right? Answer: Before someone else does!  Derr.. If you love her, you need to reassure her. This does not mean you need to build her entire system of beliefs up. I can’t stress this enough. Most women are so much simpler than most men realize. Security, security, security. The average woman needs to feel secure in YOUR intentions. This is not complicated. If you love her, tell her. If you think she looks nice, tell her. If you miss her, tell her. If you want her, tell her. Tell her often and tell her. Look, I am not saying you need to say it 1000 times a day but the female ego is just as precious as the male ego. If I were giving this advice to a woman it would be similar yet different (maybe a separate post later.) If you love her…reassure her.  What’s wrong with telling her how much you desire her?  Watch how she will treat you when she thinks you desire her more than any other female in the world. I promise you, your love life will dramatically improve in ALL areas.  Empower her by reassuring her of your feelings. It’s so simple stupid. ***Disclaimer: There is a line that must be drawn here. If you are dealing with a woman who NEVER reciprocates or that is cray cray, you may need to cut bait. Basically, if you do not feel it is worth the investment….don’t do it. This is not advice on how to play with her head. This is advice on how to make her happy and by extension, yourself happy. Also if you do not love her..don’t bother.****However, if this woman is worthy…just freaking reassure her.  Don’t let something as stupid as pride get in the way.

Yeah so on to my specific advice. YOU CHEATED! Okay, we all make mistakes-right? I can’t judge you. Life happens and only GOD has that right. BUT…yeah she is probably even more insecure than ever about your feelings. You asked me to shed some light. Here goes….I don’t understand how I read about so many nice men’s struggles and here YOU are with a good woman who stood by you. I just don’t get it. Your entire message is dripping with self-absorption and shallowness.  If you read my blog, then you know I am brutally blunt. You agreed to let me post about this. So I gotta say, I think she will leave you first.  I rarely say that. I rarely give any definite actions. I usually tell people to search their feelings and heart.  However, I am not sure if you would understand that. If you can…..you need a come to Jesus meeting. If you close your eyes and can’t imagine life without her…MAN the hell UP and treat her right. Every woman has a breaking point.  I can’t pretend to be an expert on love. As you said so yourself, I’m “outta line too.” I struggle and I can be ridiculously stupid at times but I am growing and I put my best foot forward every day. However, I am an expert at breaking points. I tolerated so much for so long that I am still putting myself back together.  I promise you, if you think she is “outta line” wait until the day she leaves. If you don’t wise up quick, too much water will pass under the bridge and no amount of promises or “I Love You’s” will fix it. You can take that to the bank. I freaking guarantee it.

I will leave you with a song that is fitting for the occasion.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

September 23, 2013 Posted by | Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The “Vegas Woman”

If you’ve never lived here you don’t know. You probably think every woman is a cocktail waitress or stripper and that she lives on the strip. Okay, hopefully you don’t think that but you would be surprised at what some people’s assumptions can be.  The truth is there are regular communities, schools, churches, etc that never get shown in the movies. However, until I became single I never realized the incredibly fast and shallow single dynamic that existed in this city. It’s like this subculture I knew nothing about.

Once I realized that it was so very unfamiliar, I was terrified.  Then…of course…I got over it.  I discovered my competition in this city is a type of female I am no match for. It’s a VEGAS Chic! She is the reason real women have to constantly prove themselves to real men (I said real men.) I love me some lists. Here is a down and dirty (I freaking love that phrase) list of common traits I see in a Vegas woman.

  • When they are in their twenty’s they are fresh still but have implants and are slowly lightening their hair or getting extensions, etc. It’s a process to be hotter and more perfect to obtain a rich dude or compete with the nightlife. They are often still fresh.larissa
  • When they are in their 30’s begin to spend all of their money on designer labels. If they have not hooked a rich guy yet, the self improvements will continue.
  • Single “Las Vegas” women will frequent all of the places where affluent men will be.
  • “Vegas” women will be over extended or use other creative means to maintain the constant upgrading of their bodies as well as to pay for the shiny BMW they drive. They usually earn less money than me but are always driving better cars and rocking better clothes. But hey I love driving an 8-year-old car with a broken window…really I do. heehee
  • The “Las Vegas Woman” will not always be about landing a rich guy. Sometimes, they just get so caught up in the shallowness of the city and the pace of it that they become lost in it.
  • A  “Las Vegas Women” at 40 will look like the ultimate poker player. Botox laden with an expressionless face and the mouth of a blow fish. It’s kind of scary.

blonde botox

  • At the end of their game, a “Las Vegas Woman” will look tired and worn out. They have moved too fast. It catches up. haggard woman

******QUALIFIER***** I am not speaking about EVERY Las Vegas woman. Um hello…I AM a Las Vegas resident AND a woman. I am not referring to every woman who lightens their hair or has surgery. It’s the reason behind the improvements. Most of the women I am referring to are looking for something.  So hey don’t be offended. I am born and raised here. I always knew these women existed. However, being compared to them is a MUTHA. The irony lies in the fact I always thought I would stand out MORE being so real. That is just not usually the case.  What a trippy city I live in! Ah well…be true to yourself peeps.

Until Next Time….Ciao!

September 18, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Las Vegas Tips, Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If I Were a Boy

I would seriously be the best man ever. Well I would once I got over my fear of bugs…and popping cans of biscuits. However, once you put those things aside, I would ROCK at being a man. You know why? Cuz I would know how to treat my woman. Derr…I’ve started and stopped writing this post a zillion times but now I’m like..meh..why not? Maybe some guy will stumble upon it and learn something. Maybe I’m TOTALLY wrong…BUT I’m gonna pull the “this is my blog” card. So here’s a nifty (yep I said nifty) list of ways I would treat the woman I loved…If I was a boy. (and don’t go there…cuz I LOVE being a woman!)

  • I would compliment her all the time..not in an obnoxious way but in a “I absolutely adore and would never change anything about you way.” I personally thrive with that type of treatment. It empowers me when I feel really confident in how a man a feels about me physically-even my flaws-I am at my absolute best with that man.
  • I would never lie to her. So tying this in to my previous comment, don’t blow smoke up my butt. I’m serious…I don’t expect someone to tell me I’m tall when I’m short…just love the things about me that are real. Obviously this also applies to bigger things like going out with other women…blah blah blah..but I think that one’s kinda obvious.
  • I would call her once a day. Maybe I would be on my way out with the guys, and that should be okay. Relationships need trust from both people. (My male readers need to stay away from crazy women that don’t let you hang with your friends…just sayin.) I would call her to hear her voice..because I want to hear her voice (not out of obligation.)
  •  I would make an effort to learn her love language and I would care about it. (I have a post on that topic in the works..so wait for it yo.) Does she need quality time, acts of service, words of encouragement, etc.
  • I would pay attention to her. I would let her know her thoughts were important.
  • I would never take her for granted. Every woman has a breaking point.
  • I would laugh with her.
  • I would let her cry and not make fun of her.
  • I would find common interests with her and go do stuff. If she’s into dancing, let’s take a dance class, martial arts, tai chi, etc. (I don’t personally need ALL of my hobbies infringed upon but I would really LOVE to have a hobby I did with my love interest. I’ve never had that.)
  • MOST importantly, I would make her feel secure in my intentions. I’ve preached about what a woman really needs to be happy. Let me remind everyone of my humble theory. The average woman-simple folk like me- just needs to feel secure. For example, I would never tell a woman I loved that I was considering moving. Why? That would make her not feel secure. However, when I am emotionally, physically and financially secure I am a happy camper. Actually I am ok financially all by myself.  As long as my partner wasn’t a financial drain, I would be cool. However, I do need to feel secure emotionally (secure with his love not the “oh my goodness this woman should be on meds cuz she’s cray cray” type of emotionally secure) and physically secure (yeah as in sex dude .) A man once explained the theory of security to me and it was one of the smartest things he ever said to me.

Moral for today:

Men: When do you treat your woman right? Answer: Before another man does…ha! Just kidding. I think a lot of men just get confused by some women. I know we are a bundle of emotions at times. However, if you find the right one…the one you really feel is worthy of your devotion…I promise you that most of the stuff I just wrote will work. It needs to be genuine, it needs to be coming from a good place, and most importantly it should be things you naturally want to do for her. If you don’t want to…maybe it’s not the right woman.

Women: Be patient. I have written MANY posts on what we do wrong too. In so many ways, we are like two different species. Perhaps it’s more apt to suggest that we just speak a different language at times. If your man makes mistakes..forgive. If he can’t fulfill your basic needs of security…maybe it’s not the right man.

*****Disclaimer: I can’t give advice for the entire female population. There are ALWAYS exceptions. If it feels like I geared this entire thing toward my own perspective, it’s because I have. After all, I only have my perspective to pull from. So, take all of this as my humble opinion dude*****

Until Next Time..here’s a song I used to really really relate to when I was locked in a bad marriage….Ciao!

July 10, 2013 Posted by | Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Wish Men Knew..While In a Relationship

I give up. I can coach every friend I have on spotting a player and avoiding the game of dating. However, I am a complete failure at relationships. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s got to be me-right? Maybe I am just the type of woman men don’t really care about. I know that’s reverting back to my label and I know I’ve written about labels. I am just so effin tired of all of it. If I didn’t have kids, I would just leave this entire city and never look back. There has to be a better place somewhere. Uggh! Okay, in case my readers don’t know, I like to make lists. It helps me put things/problems/tasks into perspective. So I’ve written a list of what I wish men knew when we’re in a committed relationship. Who knows, maybe I will help someone else. (Just in case you are a new reader I am qualifying this list as my opinion only. I am a good girl with very simple dreams and desires. So I can’t speak for every woman or even the majority. Especially in this city.) Also, I am referring to a serious relationship-not dating.

  • I wish men understood that women are wired differently. You see, I understand that men need respect. I learned the lesson the hard way. However, I need to feel secure in love. I need to feel loved.
  • Why do men no longer take the lead? Do I really need to be the one to make all the first moves? If you want to see me, ask me-even better, tell me. I like a man who can take charge. If you never call me first or ask to see me first, I feel like you do not care. I get that we are in a different era but we can share. For realsies…You see, I’m the boss all day long and I come home and manage two headstrong boys all by myself while trying to be everything to everyone. I’m always on. Sometimes I need a man to take charge. I’m tired…
  • I wish men knew that all a really independent woman like me wants is to be able to lean on someone once in a while. I don’t need my bills paid or every second of your time. I do want you to care about my well-being. If I tell you I’ve had a hard day..ask me why. I am not compromising on this shiznit. I am worth this. I am not as strong as everyone thinks. I need someone I can lean on. It’s so very hard to do everything by myself. Women like me need a man who can appreciate that.
  • I wish men didn’t lump me in with other women. I DON’T PLAY GAMES. If I’m upset there is a reason. Hey I am human. I might be wrong in my reasoning. However, I am not playing or fishing for compliments. DON’T compare me to your damn ex. I am nothing like her. I am not like anyone you’ve ever met before. I am original.
  • Women have basic needs. 1. Emotional security 2. Physical Security 3. Financial Security. I am a balance of the three. However, I do not need your money. I would love a partnership some day where I didn’t have to carry all the burden but I don’t NEED it. (Plus who am I kidding? At the rate I’m going I really should become a nun. I can’t even get someone I love to care enough to inquire about my well-being. In fact the saddest thing of all is the biggest asshole jerk I loved was the only man who ever really had my back …and he’s dead. That’s just so wicked sick and pathetic. Plus, if I become a nun, my friends that call me Sister Sara can have a real laugh. It would suck to give up the gangster rap I love but it’s good to have a back-up plan.)  I do think I lean more towards the physical security but that’s because I am wired like an 18-year-old boy. Anyways, I just wish men realized how simple it is to keep a woman like me happy.
  • I wish men knew that I am not always strong. I won’t freak out and break on you but I am so much more than what the world sees. I do not need you to fix me. I just need you to be there to hug me and listen.

I feel better. I am finished crying. Sometimes I wish I could just stop caring and become like so many people in this city. I can’t help who I am. I was told today that I am very passionate about what I do and that I have a strong sense of conviction. It was during a reprimand but I grudgingly agree. I am passionate. I am passionate about life, my career, about people who matter to me.  I am loyal. I am real and I hate being alone all the time. I am tired of working things out by myself and that’s just the pathetic truth.  Don’t worry-I will continue. I am resilient.

I am not willing to compromise on what I need from someone in order to not be alone.  That path only leads to heartache.  If I had any wisdom to share with anyone in relation to this post it would be to hold strong to that.  Set your boundaries and stay strong. The tip is to not set unrealistic expectations. I am not looking for movie star looks or money. I just want someone who really cares. Unfortunately, I have no advice for that and I have no moral for today. I am still working on it. So far, I am a failure at relationships. Just an epic failure.  Kinda like this homeboy.

.epic failure

Don’t worry peeps. The good thing about having a disgustingly optimistic nature like mine is that I will snap out of this quickly.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

June 14, 2013 Posted by | Men Advice, Relationships | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Homegirl Went CRAZY

Sometimes, women go crazy.  I’ve written about this before. If you are a woman, you’ve been there or at the minimum you’ve had a girlfriend do it…but seriously, you’ve probably done it (yeah you have.) You know how it goes… We.Just.Went.Off. Now I am pretty sure I’ve outgrown most crazy behavior BUT that doesn’t mean I didn’t get drunk 6/7 months ago, get bored and drunk dialed my ex repeatedly prank calling him. It was kinda fun immature. (Yeah when you drink too much they should take away your keys AND your phone …just sayin.) I can’t speak for all women but I am passionate and with that comes intense feelings.

gone crazy

The last three years has been all about personal growth. I am trying VERY hard to not be so stupid.. BUT like I said I am a passionate person by nature. I feel deeply, I laugh loudly and I cry hard. Have I ever gone crazy? Well yeah..kinda…derr. By most standards I’m pretty tame. My friends don’t call me Goodie Sara for nothing but in the past I have…

  • Gotten scared over nothing and broken up with a man..multiple times (yeah I know…dumb)
  • Internet stalked..err snooped..yeah snooped (and he got all upset like I evaded his privacy or something..geesh calm down)
  • Yeah I followed my ex husband once (in my defense that was while I was investigating the THIRD relationship he had) but I felt like a mega sleaze doing it
  • Spent countless hours wondering why a guy did or did not do something (like obsessively) and then bugging the heck out of my friends for their opinions. ( oh and when I didn’t get the answer I wanted, I would argue…guess that was annoying…oops)
  • Yeah I’ve thrown a few things back in the day (BUT he had it coming I swear)

I’ve seen some even crazier things!

Crazy lady

  • Had a girlfriend wait outside of her man’s house because she thought he was cheating (um he wasn’t but jealousy will kill a relationship quicker than almost anything.)
  • Knew a girl who had her friend hit on her man to test his loyalty (That’s just borrowing trouble yo.)
  • I’ve heard of women going through their man’s phone, wallet, and just basically invading his  privacy. (If a woman feels the need to do that, she needs to stop dating him. relationships need trust..mmmkay?)
  • My mom knocked a guy unconscious once with a bat for putting his hands on her. (My mom’s got issues but she’s a  G..you don’t mess with a woman like that.)
  • I knew a woman who once conducted an exorcism on her husband because he told her he didn’t want to be with her anymore. (Like full-blown exorcism including speaking in tongues.)
  • The most CRAZY thing I’ve EVER seen a woman do is pull a razor blade from her mouth during an argument with her boyfriend and threaten to cut him. (I grew up in a bad neighborhood. She was not my friend but the guy was. I couldn’t even move when I saw it. There were about 5 witnesses and all of us just stood there with our jaws open. To this day I don’t know how or why she kept a razor blade under her tongue…GHETTO and CRAZY right?)

I only decided to write about this because I’ve made a couple of observations recently.

  1. Have you ever noticed that at least 90% of the men you talk to claim their exes are crazy?
  2. When I feel insecure I feel significantly more irrational than normal.

I can’t help but wonder if that many women are crazy? How can that be possible? Also, why do I stop being the intelligent woman I normally am when I start feeling insecure with my love interest? I can know I am being stupid and still occasionally behave stupidly. Uggh. Let’s consider the first point.

Do you think that many women are crazy? I don’t. I do think it’s possible that many women can BEHAVE crazily. ****Let me qualify this with, I am not referring to really insane women like homegirl who pulled a razor blade. I am not qualified to say I understand that kind of crazy. I am referring to the over the top, emotional and yes irrational outbursts women can have.**** How does the average women go cray cray?

Easily my friends..very easily. Why? I think it’s because of insecurity. Remember women have 3 basic needs: 1. emotional security, 2. physical security, and 3. financial security. I’m not just basing this off of me.  No I don’t think every woman is insecure. I think we can feel insecure during a relationship. Maybe the man is not providing what she needs as far as security; or maybe it’s in her head..I don’t know…yet…but I’m working on it.

So here’s my early theory by way of using myself as an example: I am pretty confident. I am physically fit and emotionally stable..(I can be stupid but I’m stable.) However, I used to be challenged with the invariables I can’t control in a relationship. Why has he not called? Why is he distant? Why, why, why..blah blah blah..stupid, stupid, stupid (this is the behavior I am referring to as stupid. Please don’t be offended, we have all done it as women)….BUT once I realized my text was not going to be responded to in the next um…5 minutes, I would grow unsettled, uncertain and then mad. In fact it’s probably worse for an independent and confident woman to then start feeling insecure.  I didn’t know what the feelings meant. So maybe I festered. Then the next time I spoke with him, I threw it in his face with a sharp tongue. Maybe I even waited like um…3 weeks to do it. (I’m being real so women can know they are not alone…so don’t judge me.) This leaves the poor man thinking, “What’s this crazy chic talking about?”  Maybe it was worse than that but maybe I don’t want to share all that..mmkay? Ya get the point I’m sure. I felt bad over an unintentional slight, didn’t properly communicate it and let the small and tiny issue explode. oops again!

What’s my moral? I promise I have one.

Ladies: Don’t go too crazy or you will lose the man. I know it is hard. I can only tell you what I do (what I have done in the past while in a long term relationship.) When you start to feel crazy/jealous/angry take a deep breath and consider the reasons why. Quite often, I will pray for clarity or for GOD to remove insecurity out of my heart-this really works for me. After I take a breath and really think, the feelings go away.

Men: Women need security. This means even if you think she is being ridiculous or emotional (she may not be for the record) that you need to stop and assure her or realize the why behind the actions. I get that it’s probably very draining to do that but if you care for her, she needs gentle reassurance. (Now if she’s truly crazy, RUN; but if she’s feeling slightly insecure and only behaving crazily, reassure her.) Even super independent, strong women crave security in a relationship. In many ways I need that reassurance more because letting go and being truly vulnerable and open to love is hard for me.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

May 20, 2013 Posted by | Men Advice, Uncategorized, Women Advice | 6 Comments

7 Signs You’re Dating a Female Player

No I am not a player…derr. I tried serial dating and yeah I could do it but I certainly didn’t like it.  I would never be able to manage the level of manipulation that players need to have. (If you’re a player..I aint judging. It’s a style..it’s just not my style.) In fact, after so many failed attempts at building a relationship, I have fantasized about being this awesome, smooth player that went around flipping her hair and destroying hearts. BUT REALLY…..Who am I kidding? I’m just not wired that way. I have stood back in awe at some of my girlfriend players….SO here’s my list yo!

You are (PROBABLY) Dating a Female Player if……

elegant-fashionable-woman-brags-of-jewelry-fashion-shoot

  1. She never is available to meet your friends or family. (If a girl you are dating doesn’t want to meet family/friends its a BIG red flag. Most of us REALLY want that if we are into you. So if she doesn’t..she’s playing.)
  2. The woman you are dating has early conversations about your income. (Come on fella’s-that’s a sign!)
  3. Her fashion sense mirrors reality TV stars. (It’s one thing to be fashionable but if she is DRIVEN by labels…keep your guard up.)
  4. When the woman you are dating drops hints about specific bills. (Man I have NEVER had ANYONE pay ANY bill for me…but I have seen girlfriends do it and get their bills paid and its utterly amazing…um no I’m not jealous or anything…really…)
  5. If the woman you are dating only wants to meet with you at odd hours and at odd spots she’s probably playing you. (I am sorry but it’s most likely because she doesn’t want to be seen with you. Ouchie-I know) 
  6. If a woman you are dating keeps planning and pushing for invites to posh clubs and restaurants you should watch for other player behavior. (The theme here is status. She’s vying for it .)
  7. When the woman you are interested in only responds to your phone calls/texts…she may be playing you. (This one’s tricky. Like the male playing counterpart…a female player will disappear for periods of time and respond when she feels like it. However, a shy or old-fashioned woman may only answer in response to you.)
  8. The best female player will be able to spend very little time with you but make you feel like she is REALLY into you. (This is the level of manipulation I was referring to. When a woman is capable of it, she vastly outshines the male player-sorry playa it’s the truth!)

Awe man that’s 8 huh? Gosh darn Clark County education! So where’s my moral???? Here goes! Men: Beware of the player that just traps you into the entire game of playing. It’s stupid. Ladies: If all you are looking for is a paycheck…more power to you. I do encourage you to examine what that means in the long run. 1. A loveless relationship that is based entirely on assets and the trade-off might not be worth it (I’m almost positive it won’t be.) 2. The likelihood of being traded in some day once the appeal wears off. If the relationship was shallow to begin with, do not be surprised if this happens. Yes I once dreamed of Richard Gere climbing up my fire escape and declaring his undying love. This is reality…Check Mate!

cartoon golddigger

Until next time….Ciao!

March 27, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Want to Impress Her? Do This:

So guys, you are on a first date and you would really like to impress her and distinguish yourself from all the other guys that she is dating.  Well, in case you don’t have a Ferrari, private jet, unlimited supplies of cash and Brad Pitt’s private cell phone number here are a few ideas that will work to impress your date.

First, try using some old fashioned chivalry.

  • Come around and open the car door and the restaurant door for her.
  • Help her on and off with her jacket/coat.
  • At the restaurant, pull her chair out for her.
  • If she leaves the table and then comes back, stand up until she is seated.
  • Let her order first.
  • Don’t start eating until she is served.
  • If she is cold let her wear your jacket.

I know these things sound kind of out dated but I guarantee you that women love it! They will think much more highly of you too if you do these things.  Most men don’t, and it will distinguish you over many of their other dates.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  It works.

Second take a genuine interest in her.  One thing everyone likes to talk about is themselves.  Women especially love to talk and they love to talk about themselves.  The more you listen to her talk and take a sincere interest in what she is saying the more she will like you.

One of my favorite TV shows is Two and a Half men.  There is this one episode where Charlie is listening to his brother’s ex-wife Judith talk about all of her problems. All he keeps saying is “Judith, I understand” (in reality he has no clue as to what she is talking about nor does he care) but because he let’s her know that “he understands” she instantly is drawn to him and even though she really hates him he now becomes her best friend.

Finally, do what you say you will do!  One thing that all women really hate is if you say you will call and then you don’t.  If you really want her to like you, call her when you said you would.

These are just a few ideas that have worked well for me.  I’m sure there are lot’s of other things you can do, but this would be a really good start.

December 22, 2012 Posted by | Chemistry, First Dates, Introduction, Men Advice, Mistakes, Relationships | 6 Comments

What I wish men knew….while dating

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There are LOTS of talks and theories about the differences between men and women. I understand that we truly communicate differently as a gender. I mean this is not stuff made up to sell books. I was married a long time and although I’m not any longer, I do feel that I discovered a few things about men’s communication style. (don’t worry guys-I’m not saying I’m an expert-there’s still some mystery.)

Below you will find what I wish men knew or acted like they knew….especially while dating. ****DISCLAIMER***** This is my opinion. I can’t say I speak for ALL women or even the MAJORITY of women. However, if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I am speaking as a GOOD woman.

  • I wish men knew that it really hurts when you don’t call when you say you will. (if you don’t plan on calling, don’t pretend you will cuz that stuff hurts my feelings.)
  • I wish men knew that it’s okay if you are talking to multiple women. Unless we have an agreement, I am talking to other men too. (Just don’t make it obvious or ignore me)
  • Please don’t treat me like a back-up date even if I am. (This correlates to the request above-it stings my pride man)
  • If you are no longer interested in seeing me, please tell me. (I’m a big girl-I can take it, I promise)
  • Please do not text me a question and when I reply disappear. (I mean what the heck did you ask for then..uggh)
  • If you don’t call/text me, I automatically think you don’t like me. (I am used to men expressing interest-not playing hard to get.)
  • If I don’t ALWAYS call you first it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. (Look-I know this stuff is confusing but I was taught from a young age that a good girl should not make herself too available or throw herself at a man-its part of what makes me a “lady.”)

There are so many many more things but I am tired of writing. These are the ones that bother me the most often. If you are a woman reading this and agree well I hope you feel a little better because you are not alone. If you are a man reading this and feel enlightened-awesome! It would be nice to think I enlightened someone. So until next time….

Ciao

December 21, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice | , , , , , , , | 7 Comments