Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Holiday Blues

This year I am in a different place than I was last year. Last year the death of my sons’ father was fresh. The shock of it all still heavy on my heart. While I still cry tears occasionally at night over his premature death, everyone in our family is slowly and surely adjusting. Last year I was really alone and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other while pretending I had it all together. I literally just prayed for the season to end.  I dated, but I dated poorly and with a timidity and naivety that drew bad men and dangerous situations to me. I actually started this blog during the holiday season and I swear it saved me from myself. It helped me push through a sad and lonely time. I realized around this time last year that I do not need anyone. I may want someone, but I do not NEED anyone but myself and GOD to be happy. This year is much better but I am still blue. I know this is a happy time of year.

It should be full of love and family time and eating pie..I mean who doesn’t like all those carbs floating around? I feel at such a loss this time of year and I must admit I feel alone. I think maybe in a past life I had a huge family and the sense of being alone is amplified by the latent memories of what I once had? Maybe? I have no idea.  It’s not like I used to have these great childhood holidays. My holidays were filled with disappointment. In fact, I am so fortunate now. I am in such a safer and happier place than I was as a child. I really have nothing to be so sad about. Why do I and so many feel so blue during a celebratory time of the year? Well my friends I do not have an answer. I suspect the answer is different for everyone. I’ve been searching my feelings all week since the sadness hit me. I hate being a whiner. However, my conclusion is that I just need security and stability. It has been such a rough two years. Such an emotional era of my life and during a point in my life where I have to be the one everyone leans on. There’s been no one for me to really lean on and that’s cool…but I’m tired now. I need an era of stability. My soul is craving security and stability. Everything has been outside of my comfort zone. I need some dang comfort. I’m tired of being in unfamiliar water.  I’m tired of being the strong one and I am tired of being tired.  Now I am tired of complaining about it in this post. Ha! Do I have a point in this long rant??? Why yes I do..thank you for asking.

loneliness

Moral: Just because you are lonely doesn’t mean you should let it affect your decisions. I am writing this for friends that will never read it and for friends I have not met that I hope can relate. I personally know two people right now that are making desperate romantic decisions based on their need to have someone. I think it is due to this time of year. Please do not let the holidays do that. You are okay alone. I wrote something comparable last year. Last year I was a hot mess during the holidays. I was grief-stricken and in shock and I still managed to not settle for just any man..no matter how tempted I was. This year, I have met someone who really matters to me. Amidst all the chaos of the last two years…I have found myself really caring about someone again. Before I found him, I had to find my smile all by myself. Where we are at right now is just a season. Nothing else. It will pass. Remember..you’re okay alone and it’s okay to feel sad even if you’re not alone. Sometimes, real strength comes from endurance..not in victory.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

November 26, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Unintentional Player

Don’t hate the player, hate the game! No really, blame the player. However, sometimes a player doesn’t know they are playing. Just for fun, I googled “definition of a player.” Here is one of my favorite ones.

player
a guy who: 
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship 
(2) is in full reproductive mode 
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts) 
(4) often “dates” several girls  (girls are often unaware of each other) 
(5) is an asshole!
don’t hate the player, hate the game? yeah right!
Here was another one. (I had to correct the grammar on these..just as a fyi)
player
A man or woman who hooks up with many different persons but commits to none and in that process ends up hurting some of those involved but there is a difference between player and asshole listed below as 1 and 2 and players generally being happy people until they are caught are opposites of the player hater who only hates because he can’t play or lost or has a girl who got her heart broke by one and is insecure
1 Male or female that has a lot of one night stands or short relationships with many people at once 2 Female or male who has several long-term aka ” i love you” relationships and tricks each into thinking she’s/he’s the one
I’m kinda shocked that 99% of the definitions refer to them as male. I have known some pretty crafty female players.  I have decided that I am going to create my own definition. Why not? It’s my blog yo!
Player
A man or woman who intentionally or unintentionally “plays” or misleads someone during the course of a relationship.
1. The male/female may know they are not looking for the same things but proceed to manipulate the other party for personal gain such as a. money b. sex c. convenience
2. The male/female may not realize they are not ready for a monogamous relationship yet attempt to develop one only to end up hurting the other party involved. This may be due to a. maturity level b. ignorance c. past baggage or emotional damage d. mental issues
Boom! I just wrote my own definition! Whose house???? Sara’s house!
Now that I am done tooting my own horn, I would like to quickly discuss unintentional players. The UP are possibly the most dangerous of all players. (yeah I am gonna use the acronym UP and for my slow friends…such as myself…this stands for Unintentional Player.) UP’s are dangerous because they are harder to spot. Why? UP’s are difficult to identify because they do not KNOW they are a player.  They have not reached a level of awareness in what they want. It’s one thing for someone to KNOW they are a player but to not know it is an entirely different issue. Before you even think of arguing, I challenge you to think of all the dumb people you know. Most of them do not realize it. ( At least I KNOW I’m stupid!) I wanted to write a list of things a UP does but I stopped. I stopped because the list looks the exact same way as what I’ve written about players. So here’s my advice.
Moral: Whether the person REALIZES they are playing with your feelings or not doesn’t matter. The point is that they are. I sympathize with UP’s because they have no level of self-awareness at all. They often flounder in relationships and do not even realize that the real problem is themselves. However, if a player wants to be a player…play on. Just don’t play with me! Ha!  I am not judging a player. However, my post and really my entire blog is to help people who want something real. I just caution everyone not to justify the actions of someone based on the fact that they don’t MEAN to.  Players don’t always know it. I guess that’s all I really have to say about that peeps.
Until next time….here’s a song…ciao!

November 23, 2013 Posted by | Players, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of Winning

Do you know anyone who just can’t lose? They CAN NOT give up on an argument. It may go something like this:

Person 1: I can’t believe you’re upset over the fact I said you were fat. I told you I think you’re great.

Person 2: Why would you think it’s not wrong to insult me?

Person 1: I just said you were bigger than you used to be. Why am I punished for being honest?

Person 2: I never asked for you to tell me what your thoughts were on my weight.

Person 1: This is ridiculous. I am wrong for being honest.

This one is kinda obvious. Big effin derr you should not comment on someone’s size. (No this did not happen to me.  If it had, I would be writing this post from Clark County Jail due to Assault and Battery charges. I happen to have a squeaky clean criminal record.) I am using it as an example only…and yes it is extreme and obvious.  Many people think the art of winning in any real relationship is to be right. We have all made mistakes.  Perhaps you did not mean to hurt someone’s feelings. Perhaps you messed up. Perhaps you are the one who was truly right. I challenge you to think the situation through before you push for victory.

  • Are you really winning if the other party still feels hurt?
  • Does it matter more to prove a point than it does to resolve the situation? (If it does…rock on..but if you are the type of person that can’t EVER be wrong, you need a reality check.)
  • How important is it? (It may BE important. When I am really on a mission, I use my infamous single track mind to reach success. Do not back down if it is vital. However, if it will not affect me in the long run, if it does not push past a boundary I have set, if the other person’s feelings or happiness matter more…I can relent. I can give. I do not need to win every battle. My pride is not an issue when it comes to matters of the heart or even in matters of business strategy.)
  • Have you thought about it through the other person’s perspective? (Are you using compassion? Are you being fair? Are you overlooking the persons perspective?)
  • Please remember “winning” isn’t everything. It is only important when the issue REALLY matters..ie:boundary.

argument need to be right

So let’s rework the earlier argument.

Person 1: I can’t believe you’re upset over the fact I said you were bigger. I told you I think you’re great.

Person 2: Why would you think it’s not wrong to call me a name?

Person 1: I just said you were bigger than you used to be. I know it was not right to say. I apologize. I don’t know what I was thinking when I chose those words. 

Person 2: I never asked for you to tell me what your thoughts were on my weight.

Person 1: I understand, I really do.

At this point the conversation should be over.It is not good for either party to continue. Let.It.Go. The worst thing you can do is continue to hold it  against someone. In fact, I used to be very guilty of this. I try very hard to no longer bring up a partner or friends past mistakes. What good does it do?  I have found it to be counterproductive. Is it right to continuously punish someone for a mistake? No it is not. The art of winning is not only that you don’t always have to win. The second part is that just because you were wronged doesn’t mean that you can place the victory in your artillery chest to pull out for later. DO NOT go down this path my friends. If you are always throwing stuff in your partners face they will get tired of it. They will feel like they can never redeem themselves. We are human and therefore we are flawed. Forgiveness can be its own form of winning. So… Let.It.Go. As a bonus, it’s also really good for you too!

Advice for today? Sometimes it is better to resolve the situation. A relationship isn’t a scorecard. I will reiterate that you need to have boundaries in place…but sometimes winning doesn’t mean you win. Sometimes, you need to show understanding, love and support more than proving a point. Also, if you are wronged in a relationship, forgive and forget once resolution has been achieved. If we were repeatedly punished for every mistake we ever made, life would be rough yo. As long as it has been resolved, let it go. Grab the pain/hurt/anger and throw it out with the trash….cuz that’s where it belongs.

Until Next Time….Ciao!

November 17, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Versatile Blogger in the House!

versatile-blogger-award

Thank you my dear Audrey for the nifty, neato nomination! I am always honored that anyone reads the junk I write. I appreciate it more than I can put in words. It’s just super, off-the-hook cool!

So thank you to the lovely and remarkable Audrey of Like Crazy. I’m not one to buy into conspiracy theories, but if you don’t visit her site you’re doomed for one week of bad hair days. It’s true…I read it on the internet.

The point of the award is to recognize the giver and to pay it forward to other bloggers..

Here are da rulz:

Display the Award Certificate on your blog.
Announce your win with a post. Make sure you post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers.
Leave them a comment to let them know after you have linked them to a post.
Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

Seven Interesting things:

1. If I were I song, I’d be “Every Woman” probably the Whitney Houston version because that’s my era.

2. I love 2 Chainz, Taylor Swift, Prince and One Republic. I don’t know whats wrong with me.

3. My top three favorite men in Hollywood (my absolute fav’s) are Alexander Skaarsgard, Fifty Cent, and Channing Tatum. In that order…I love variety.

4.  I watch Shrek, Space Jams, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit alone..I don’t care..I love it! (Like Icono Pop)

5.  I dream in color and quite often have conversations and see memories of people who I no longer speak with or who have passed away. I’ve had dreams so real, I wake up in tears.

6. I’ve never had a one night stand

7. I believe in reincarnation AND I’m Christian

Now here are my fantastic nominees..go check them out please! (I LOVE every.single.blog I follow!)

1.  Why I can’t stop reading

2. Cotswold Girl

3. Matt Reviews Movies

4. Second Thoughts Twice

5. Dating Dramas Of a Thirty Something

6. Smile Calm

7. Unconventional

8. A Series of Very Bad Decisions

9. Relationship Reinvented

10. An Open Secret

11. Another Single Womans Blog

12. 1001 Ways to Love Me

13. The Office Inbetweener

14. Chin up Chest High

15. Reject Reality

November 11, 2013 Posted by | Blogging Awards, Uncategorized | , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Aint No Holla Back Girl

I pulled up at the convenient store that is conveniently around the corner from my office at lunch. As I stepped in to get my usual fix of Bubblicious Bubble Gum, a man followed me in. He proceeded to make some very specific comments about very specific parts of my body while he chatted on the phone.  Picture…Puff Daddy meets Jay Z but not even in the same hemisphere of coolness. In my normal fashion I walk by in full Ice Queen mode, head held high and shoulders back, and do not make eye contact. As I am leaving, he was at the gas pump and yells from across the parking lot, “Hey!” I ignore him because I am really quite good at being an Ice Queen. He yells out, “Hello!” Finally, I turn as I am putting my key in the car door (um yes…I do not have a key fob…that’s how I roll yo) and I say hello back. Puff Daddy Z quickly gets in his brand new Mercedes and races towards me in his car. At this point I am stuck. He says, “Girl blah freaking blah you can fill in the blanks and a few comments about my sexiness.” I reply, “Thank you I am seeing someone.” He asked, “Are you sure?” I answer, “Yeah I am pretty sure,” He responded with a few more insinuations about how successful he is and a few more that amount to what a shame it is I am unavailable. Hey, he did pay me a few compliments so I thanked him as nicely as I could. He was kinda pushy though so I ended up being a little rude. By rude I mean I told him, “This conversation is over now. Good bye.” I giggled over the look on his face after I told him that as I drove back to work.  I am sorta childish like that. Although, the little episode did get me thinking.

****Qualifier: I am not necessarily saying I am so beautiful that men are always fawning over me. I am relatively easy on the eyes and every once in a while, I am REALLY some dudes type****

The episode got me thinking about his approach. First of all I would have lied to him and said I was seeing someone even if I was single. However, I gotta wonder how often his technique works? I also wish I knew why I was a magnet for men that think their new car or impressive job or what-the-hell-ever else they have to show off is enough to grab my interest. It’s really ironic because none of it matters to me. Not.At.All. All that floss is just entirely wasted on me. Although, I suspect many of my female counter parts in this city might care a little more…but not me. So I have become good at being rude. Chop ’em off at the knees when they’re pushy like this cat was…that’s my motto. (Ironically the really cocky ones seem to like my attitude the most but that’s another story.) Do women really holla back?  How would that conversation even go? “Gee thank you for complimenting my derriere and for so tactfully putting me on the spot in the gas station parking lot by screaming across it. All I really wanted was some bubble gum. However, now that I see you are truly a man of romance, style and compassion, I will go out with you.” Hmmmmm? Yeah I don’t see it happening.

So what’s my moral?

Gentleman: I admire tenacity. If you want something or someone, you should ask. BUT…is screaming across a parking lot or any variation of it ever a good idea? PSST: The answer is no. Also, there is no worse way to demean a woman of value than to make your first declaration of admiration a body part..I’m just gonna put that out there. Furthermore, if you ARE getting results from bragging about all your money AFTER complimenting a specific body part…beware of the woman. Just sayin.

Ladies: Don’t respond to this type of behavior….Like ever. That’s really all I have to say about that!

Until Next Time, here’s a song..just cuz!

Ciao!

November 5, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments