Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

You Probably Shouldn’t Be Dating If….

You probably shouldn’t be dating if you are off the hook crazy! Derr.. Seriously, I believe an important part of dating is being in the correct mindset. If you are searching for romance for the wrong reasons, then you are cooking with a recipe for disaster. I LOVE lists! So here’s a list of reasons why someone SHOULD NOT be dating.

  • You should not be dating if you are on the rebound. (Booooooooy Howdy I get it. I’ve had to voluntarily walk away from someone I loved before because he was no longer good for me. I’ve felt heart ache. The kind of pain that you would do ANYTHING to dull. However, if you are dating on the rebound, you are most likely going to get hurt or hurt the other person. Take the time to heal first. It’s better for you..I promise.)
  • You should not be dating if you are looking to be complete. (I do not believe in this style of dating. If you are not satisfied with yourself, how in the world can you satisfy someone else? I do understand but trust me….there is no white night or secret princess that is going to magically solve your problems. I waited on Superman a long time…trust me on this.)
  • You should not be dating if you NEED love. (Okay before everyone jumps on me…let me explain. I know a girl who was dating someone for two weeks and declared love to someone. She has given him keys, garage door codes…everything. This is a horrible idea. How can anyone possible really love someone in that amount of time? The truth is she is probably going to be devastatingly hurt when all is said and done. She needs to be loved so bad that she latched on to the first decent man she met. Love yourself first. Love yourself and then take the time to know if someone is worthy of your love. We all want to be loved…just be sure you love yourself first.)
  • You should not be dating if your personal life is a mess. (If you are all over the place emotionally, there is no need to be dating. How is that fair to the other person? Get it together first..no it doesn’t need to be perfect but if you are still living with your ex or have kids struggling with major issues that need your full-time attention..ummm maybe work that out first?  We all have problems but the basics need to be together before you endeavor to date.)

AND DRUM ROLL PLEASE

  • You should not be dating if you need to see a Psychiatrist. (I am a big advocate of counseling. Most people could use it. HOWEVER I am going to share the story below. It is a true story. I mean ya can’t make stuff like this up yo!)

A man and woman had a chance encounter in a parking lot at the mall. They hit it off. They went on several dates. On the fourth date their relationship became physical..(Psst: As in they were getting ready to have sex dude.) They began to take off their clothes. Things were getting err steamy. The woman suddenly bursts out in to tears and begins to sob. She confessed that she had been abused by her father. She cried and cried about how her ex husband didn’t really love her. I mean she was hysterical! “Why doesn’t anyone want me?” she exclaimed at the top of her lungs. All my male friend could think about is how quickly he could get out of there as he tried  to console her.  He did not see her again. Bless her heart. She needs to seek therapy post-haste. I am not belittling her issues or her pain but…she shouldn’t be dating.

Advice: Dating is hard enough. The act of opening yourself up and allowing someone to learn more about you is a major feat. Be sure that when you do, you are in the correct mindset.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

December 30, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Let Me Get Me

Someone slap me! Okay not so hard! (It was a figure of speech..geesh) Seriously, I have major issues. I am at the point in my relationship where I am scared to death. I am looking for that other shoe to drop. I am waiting for him to let me down and majorly disappoint me.I am deeply in love, vulnerable, happy and I am waiting for the hurt. What in the world happened to me?

I used to be so fearless. I used to be so confident. I never thought about the rejection. I never thought about the let down. I am seriously scared. I can’t even begin to work through it. If someone wrote this as a question to me, my advice would be so easy. I would advise the person to be honest about his/her feelings. The problem is that the person I am in love with sucks at communicating. I find it very ironic that I FINALLY understand myself well enough to communicate my feelings and I am with someone who can’t. Well…I am with someone who can’t communicate them well. In an effort to be fair, he probably isn’t scared though…I am. He isn’t the one with all the insecurity. I am not insecure as a woman. I am insecure about anyone really loving me enough to make me a lifelong priority. A real commitment. The real deal…ya know? Damn, I am such a loser. What happened?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. To be honest, if I had realized the emotional shape I was in, I would have never fallen in love again. I don’t think I can take another major loss in my life. Ummm…I don’t think I can take it well. I am a freaking punk! However, it’s too late. The little girl who still believes in happy endings just CAN’T run away from someone she loves. I have never been able to. It always takes a near destruction to get me to turn away from someone I am in love with. Although I am scared, there is still a part of me that wants that happy ending. A normal, simple life of partnership with someone I totally trust. (When I say trust, I am not referring to something as obvious as cheating…I mean a deeper trust of unconditional love.) So I’ve been feeling silly. I’ve been looking for any sign that it’s not going to work out. I’ve been searching for a reason that tells me it’s time to walk away before I am rejected.  About a week ago something just snapped in me. I decided am tired of worrying about it. I am tired of worrying if someone is going to end up not being who I thought they were. I felt much better once I made that decision. Then I spent all this quality time this week with him..much more than normal and I started being scared again. I don’t want to need anyone or to get used to someone being around…that might hurt me again.  Geez Louise..I’m a nut. I’m a nut with issues who’s also a punk. Yeah…that sums it up. I wish I could talk to him about it. Boy howdy, I swear if I realized my issues before falling in love, I would not have subjected anyone else to them. Especially someone as special as the man I am seeing.

Moral: I just really had to get this out. I discover many things by answering the emails that come to me looking for advice such as:

1. It’s easier to give advice than follow it

2. We all have the same basic needs and desires.

3. Most people want to be loved and to be happy.

If I help someone by sharing…rock on! I know it helps me to confess my stupidity. At the minimum its therapeutic. I am going to have to defer to GOD on this one. I am placing my trust in him. He knows what I need. Change is a very slow process my friends. Do not expect to fix all of your issues overnight. It is slow and it is painful. Real change occurs by stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing forward. Real change is created by doing different things than you normally would. Change be hard yo…

Until Next Time…Ciao!

December 24, 2013 Posted by | Love, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Too Freaking Soon!!

I have a friend that recently called off his engagement. By recently I mean like three months ago. In that time frame he has been rapidly dating. He has been serial dating. I am not judging him for this. Although I do think he is in a dangerous state of mind to be dating, that is his business. What I do think is unhealthy is how fast he has been introducing these women to his daughters.

My friend has two daughters and what we share in common is the fact that they lost their mother in 2012 just like my sons lost their father. If you do not know the pain and struggles involved with trying to fill in a whole you can’t possibly fill for your children, I am very grateful. I would never wish that fate on anyone. On my better days, I just feel inadequate. During a tough day, I am lost and helpless and just try to keep a smile on my face. However….I am derailing. I share this because these kids are in a different spot than most. They have lost something vital in their lives at an age where it is very difficult to cope. The last thing any of them need is to get overly attached. It is for this reason that I am so concerned about him and his awesome daughters.

In the last three weeks, the girls have met four different women. One woman that he has dated more regularly than the others has been spending a LOT of time with them.  The night he told me they all had family dinner and put up the Christmas tree together I felt shocked. I was compelled to say something. I knew it had to be gentle and non condemning.   I planned out what to say carefully. I care about him and his daughters. He has only known this woman for three weeks BUT he may care about her. However, before I could say something, he called me panicked to tell me the woman said she loved him! She loves him in three weeks? REALLLLLLLLLLY?????? “What did you say to her in response,” I queried. “I told her it was way too soon to say that,” he answered.  HOLY BETSY SCHMUCKERS! What is homegirl thinking?

I gently said, “I think you should slow this down. Don’t you think she has been spending a lot of time with the girls and getting really attached?” He replied, “Yes I do.” I asked him, “Why can’t you just date and get to know her? Maybe you should leave the family time out until you’re sure.” He said,”That sounds like a good idea.”  So at least I said something. His life is his to live. I felt much better after at least voicing my concern. I am only concerned because I can relate so well. The girls need a positive female role model in their lives. I get it. I would give almost anything to give my sons a father figure. BUT…I need my kids to see me making good decisions too. I can’t run the risk of them LOSING another father figure. I can’t just go out to the store and buy one. If I could, trust me, I would in a heartbeat. Life doesn’t work that way. Life isn’t very fair-even to kids who deserve better. Those girls deserved a better hand of cards than what was dealt to them BUT they do have a parent that loves them dearly. That’s more than I had.

Moral for today? I’m going to make this short and sweet. If you are a single parent…be careful with who you let into your children’s life. Oh and before I forget….If someone you have been seeing for only three weeks professes to be madly in love with you and it is not love at first sight with you too…run! That’s the kind of obsession that can become dangerous.Kind of cray cray like homegirl below…just sayin! 

obsessive women

Until Next Time…Be careful and Ciao!

 

December 21, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Relationships, Single Parents, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Should I Marry Her?

Marriage is a significant decision. I view offering advice about it very seriously. I have shortened the email below and I am sharing with permission. I treat all relationship advice I offer with the utmost respect. However, this one made me think more than most.

Dear Sara,

I’ve been dating a woman for a little over a year now. I asked her to marry me on our one year anniversary. We get along great. She is good to me. However, we do argue sometimes. Sometimes, things could be better and I worry about our future. When we argue it is over spending time together or perhaps I forgot to say something. The fights can be her fault sometimes too. I don’t know if disagreements are acceptable or if we might make a huge mistake. …..Do you think I should marry her?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

WOW! I cut some of it out because it was long but the gist of it is things are not perfect. I can’t tell anyone whether they should marry or not. What an important decision. I think relationships often fail  because both parties aren’t willing to put in the work. The truth is that (in my humble and oh so limited experience) you can have all the passion, love, and compatibility in the world but there will never be a perfect relationship.  There will always be times when someone gets on your nerves or hurts your feelings. The KEY is to not compromise what your basic needs are.  Examples of needs are:

Regular companionship

Sexual Needs

Honesty

Communication

Trust

Safety

There are more basic needs but all the above needs vary from person to person. Some people may need certain things more than others. However, you have to know yourself well enough to know what those needs are. If you communicate these needs and they are not met, the relationship is not strong. For the purpose of my opinion, let’s assume the needs are met…but sometimes things go wrong. Here’s my advice.

If you can look into her eyes and know that you are willing to stay and fight for her, you are with the right woman. If you can honestly say that you will stick around when things aren’t perfect and work through the issues then the decision is simple. If you are in it for the “long haul” then you should marry her. If there is doubt of that type of commitment, you should wait. The issue isn’t whether or not it is perfect. The real question to ask yourself is, do you want her through it all. The good stuff AND the bad stuff. If you have that level of commitment, this is a no brainer. Marry that woman and never let her go. Do not let fear stop you from committing.  I get it, it’s a big deal. However, there is no perfect. Only perfect for you.

marriage

Until Next Time…Ciao!

December 13, 2013 Posted by | Marriage, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Music that Inspires

I love music. I have never been a musician. I do not sing. Well I sing a LOT in the car but I do not sing well. I am a dancer at heart but lets face it, I am not a professional dancer for a reason. However, if I have a choice between watching television and listening to music, it will always be music I choose. Music inspires, music makes you forget, and music can transport you to a different time and place. Sometimes the memories are good. Sometimes they are not. Regardless, music is always powerful to me. In the interest of keeping to the theme of my blog, I want to share my favorite love songs of all time. Songs that really move me. Just for fun…ya know!

  • The Truth by India Arie (India speaks the truth. Her lyrics are powerful. She speaks to me in this song and there was a time while I was in a bad marriage to a man who never really made time for me that I used to dream of finding a love like that….and I accepted at the time that I would not.)
  • Marry Me by Train (I make fun of mushy stuff all the time and for the most part I am being honest. However, I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that there was once a little girl who planned out her own wedding and play pretended with a laundry basket on my head as a veil..um I think that’s normal…right?)
  • Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers (I don’t think I need to say anything more about this one. It speaks for itself.)
  • Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley (Yes. I love Elvis. Don’t judge me…I love every version of this song but the Elvis version is my favorite version.)
  • Cater to You by Destiny’s Child (If I had a wedding this song would be on the CD.)
  • Ordinary People by John Legend (This song tells a story of how love isn’t perfect. Once you get past the “new love” feelings…you have to work at a relationship. He gets is.)
  • Don’t Change by Musiq Soulchild (come on..who isn’t looking to be loved for exactly who they are? Unconditionally. I know I dream of it.)
  • Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars (mmmmm pretty song about a man who adores his woman.)
  • She’s Got A Way by Billy Joel (If I said you can’t judge me over Elvis, you can’t judge me over Billy Joel either. It’s a great song yo.)
  • Something by the Beatles (This song is SUPER awesome. Be A Utiful)
  • All of You by John Legend (This is one of my favorite songs of all time. I stumbled across it while downloading John Legend music and a few months later it hit the radio. I LOVE this song. I know it is my second John Legend song but his music understands the depths of love.)

There are so many more songs I could share. That really is the most amazing part about music. Music inspires. It creates ambience and it has the power to elevate my mood. There is no moral to this post tonight other than to stop and enjoy the little things that make us happy. I’m going to leave you with a beautiful song. Until Next Time….Ciao!

December 5, 2013 Posted by | Just for Fun, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment