Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Build ‘Em Up

beautifulI think a lot of people spend time pointing out the flaws in a person. It is a very easy thing to do. We are so quick to focus on what someone doesn’t do in our relationships. She doesn’t say this enough. He doesn’t do this enough. Some of us speak our thoughts out loud. Some of us do not. I guarantee you that thinking this way only leads to disappointment and poor relationships.

If you are always treating someone like they are lacking, they are always going to come up short. This will lead to that person always feeling inadequate and will create a sure path to destruction in your relationship. Maybe you just don’t comment on anything? That can be okay…..but….it is so much better if you “build up a person.” (DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t mean you are responsible for repairing a person’s entire sense of confidence. There is a fine line here. I am only referring to ensuring their confidence in how YOU feel about them.) So what’s the answer? I’m going to keep this simple.

Today’s Moral: If you want your partner to feel good about your relationship…freaking tell them what you think of them…um the good stuff. Focus on the things you really like about them. For example, if you think your girlfriend is an amazing kisser…tell her! Tell her often. You will be amazed what happens when a man/woman is very secure in your feelings for them. I know for a fact that a woman will blossom when she feels confident in your desire for her. Try it…for science.

Compliments

Until Next Time….Ciao!

June 28, 2014 Posted by | Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Try Something Different

Albert Einstein

I watch my friends repeat themselves all the time. Um yes…I make mistakes all the time. However, it’s easier to see a problem from the outside. It just is. (Now that we’ve cleared that up, I will continue.) I observe my friends falling for the same type of person over and over and over and…the relationships fail. I am going to use case studies.

I have a male friend that only dates party girls. Yes, over time the women have gotten a little less stripper and perhaps a little more barfly. Maybe that’s not even being fair..but definitely not a “good girl.” (I am not dogging out my wild sisters…I love you guys and I am often amazed at the ability to be so carefree.) However, my friend wants a family. He feels his male clock is ticking at 36. (SIDE NOTE: Neither men nor women should feel rushed to settle. There are plenty of people who start families later in life.) Back to the point! The women he gravitates toward are pretty in a harder way and usually like to party and usually date a LOT of different men. Do you see where I am going with this? These women DO NOT want a family or a husband. Well…not usually. So what happens? He ends up getting hurt and then he is just so shocked by it, he falls into a slump. All I can think of is that old fable about the woman who saved a snake…then the snake bites her. The snake replies with, “You knew I was a snake when you saved me.”

I know a woman in a similar boat. She always dates douche bags. The type of men that purposely treat her poorly then disappear for a while. (I know you know the type of man I am talking about.) Then they end up breaking up with her or cheating and she comes running to me in tears. Why is she always dating jerks? The last one I spotted within thirty minutes of meeting him by the way he was checking out every girl he saw…while she was with him. Poor thing doesn’t want to listen and I only offer solicited advice. I try to not mettle in others affairs. Do you see how this pattern of repetitively choosing the same type of guy is NOT working? I wish she did.

Moral for today: Can I be blunt? Of course I can! This is my blog! The truth is…you can’t ALWAYS do the same thing over and over and expect different results. If you are getting the SAME type of problems OVER and OVER again…try looking for common denominators. Is it you? Is it the type of person you are dating? Is it both? I don’t know…but as I’ve said before..If you want a different result, you have to DO different things. It’s really logical if you think about it. Look for patterns and change them. If this is something you can relate to, try it! Do it for science. Albert Einstein coined it well when he said:

definition of madness

 

Until Next Time….Ciao!

January 27, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Mistakes, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Wish Men Knew..While In a Relationship

I give up. I can coach every friend I have on spotting a player and avoiding the game of dating. However, I am a complete failure at relationships. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s got to be me-right? Maybe I am just the type of woman men don’t really care about. I know that’s reverting back to my label and I know I’ve written about labels. I am just so effin tired of all of it. If I didn’t have kids, I would just leave this entire city and never look back. There has to be a better place somewhere. Uggh! Okay, in case my readers don’t know, I like to make lists. It helps me put things/problems/tasks into perspective. So I’ve written a list of what I wish men knew when we’re in a committed relationship. Who knows, maybe I will help someone else. (Just in case you are a new reader I am qualifying this list as my opinion only. I am a good girl with very simple dreams and desires. So I can’t speak for every woman or even the majority. Especially in this city.) Also, I am referring to a serious relationship-not dating.

  • I wish men understood that women are wired differently. You see, I understand that men need respect. I learned the lesson the hard way. However, I need to feel secure in love. I need to feel loved.
  • Why do men no longer take the lead? Do I really need to be the one to make all the first moves? If you want to see me, ask me-even better, tell me. I like a man who can take charge. If you never call me first or ask to see me first, I feel like you do not care. I get that we are in a different era but we can share. For realsies…You see, I’m the boss all day long and I come home and manage two headstrong boys all by myself while trying to be everything to everyone. I’m always on. Sometimes I need a man to take charge. I’m tired…
  • I wish men knew that all a really independent woman like me wants is to be able to lean on someone once in a while. I don’t need my bills paid or every second of your time. I do want you to care about my well-being. If I tell you I’ve had a hard day..ask me why. I am not compromising on this shiznit. I am worth this. I am not as strong as everyone thinks. I need someone I can lean on. It’s so very hard to do everything by myself. Women like me need a man who can appreciate that.
  • I wish men didn’t lump me in with other women. I DON’T PLAY GAMES. If I’m upset there is a reason. Hey I am human. I might be wrong in my reasoning. However, I am not playing or fishing for compliments. DON’T compare me to your damn ex. I am nothing like her. I am not like anyone you’ve ever met before. I am original.
  • Women have basic needs. 1. Emotional security 2. Physical Security 3. Financial Security. I am a balance of the three. However, I do not need your money. I would love a partnership some day where I didn’t have to carry all the burden but I don’t NEED it. (Plus who am I kidding? At the rate I’m going I really should become a nun. I can’t even get someone I love to care enough to inquire about my well-being. In fact the saddest thing of all is the biggest asshole jerk I loved was the only man who ever really had my back …and he’s dead. That’s just so wicked sick and pathetic. Plus, if I become a nun, my friends that call me Sister Sara can have a real laugh. It would suck to give up the gangster rap I love but it’s good to have a back-up plan.)  I do think I lean more towards the physical security but that’s because I am wired like an 18-year-old boy. Anyways, I just wish men realized how simple it is to keep a woman like me happy.
  • I wish men knew that I am not always strong. I won’t freak out and break on you but I am so much more than what the world sees. I do not need you to fix me. I just need you to be there to hug me and listen.

I feel better. I am finished crying. Sometimes I wish I could just stop caring and become like so many people in this city. I can’t help who I am. I was told today that I am very passionate about what I do and that I have a strong sense of conviction. It was during a reprimand but I grudgingly agree. I am passionate. I am passionate about life, my career, about people who matter to me.  I am loyal. I am real and I hate being alone all the time. I am tired of working things out by myself and that’s just the pathetic truth.  Don’t worry-I will continue. I am resilient.

I am not willing to compromise on what I need from someone in order to not be alone.  That path only leads to heartache.  If I had any wisdom to share with anyone in relation to this post it would be to hold strong to that.  Set your boundaries and stay strong. The tip is to not set unrealistic expectations. I am not looking for movie star looks or money. I just want someone who really cares. Unfortunately, I have no advice for that and I have no moral for today. I am still working on it. So far, I am a failure at relationships. Just an epic failure.  Kinda like this homeboy.

.epic failure

Don’t worry peeps. The good thing about having a disgustingly optimistic nature like mine is that I will snap out of this quickly.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

June 14, 2013 Posted by | Men Advice, Relationships | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What Do You Attract??

I know I’ve written about my affinity for bad boys. MMMMHMMMM I love me a bad boy. However, I don’t WANT to want a bad boy…oh no! I married one of the baddest-it stops being fun I promise. Now, he’s gone tragically. That means I’m left-as usual-to hold all the pieces. BUT…I’m straying off topic.

If you dismiss the fact the other man I loved was completely different, the only other guy that caught my interest and qualified as more than “meh” was a mystery dude who I am pretty sure is shacking with a woman. (I kinda really liked him for some reason. Gosh I’m a dumb ass ) So I took a poll of all the guys I’ve dated and…well scratch that. I took a poll of all the guys that I have dated RECENTLY and had chemistry with and the answer is surprising…

  • Out of the last 5 guys I’ve dated and thought..hmmm maybe (I’m not a serial dater anymore) 4 ..yes I said 4..have been in law enforcement

Police Officer

  1. Detective
  2. US Marshall
  3. Gang Unit
  4. Detective
  • The remaining guy, I’m pretty sure was a thug. Yeah I’m almost positive. Why you ask? Well…he drove a Mercedes, always had a huge stack of 100’s, wore very nice jewelry and his job was non-existent. Derr. He WAS nice though and had an excellent vocabulary. (Um yeah that kinda matters to me.)

This wouldn’t have even been worth posting about if I hadn’t just had another Police Officer ask me out. One of my girlfriends finally pulled me aside and said, “Sara you need to ask yourself why thugs and police officers ask you out all the time.” hmmmm…I don’t know! I can be in my church clothes

and this guy will hit me up… Blinging grill

Seriously, I LOVE Nelly but get that crap out of your mouth!

*******DISCLAIMER******* I love men in uniform and totally respect law enforcement so I don’t mind dating them. Also, I already admitted to liking bad boys. So I am not judging either groups.

What I would like to see is some variety! In conclusion, I am examining what type of energy I am putting out there. Also, I am going to be more open to different types of men.  I wish I could say I have some specific advice but I don’t. I DO have a moral. Are you only attracting or dating one specific type of person? Is it working?  If it’s not, maybe you should try to explore. Just a thought my peeps….

Until next time….Ciao!

March 7, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , | 6 Comments

Lord I Love Me a Sinner!

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Good girls like bad boys. Is it a cliche? I am not sure. I can tell you that I married the ultimate bad boy right out of high school. He was cocky and full of swagger. He fought all the time and got in more trouble than I can begin to write here. I was an honor roll student who volunteered all the time and was on stage performing whenever I had the chance. He rarely went to school. That boy was trouble personified. He died recently of a violent crime that could have been prevented. However, that is another story for another time.

In fact I only brought it up because you would think I learned my lesson. I am still a good woman. I work, work out, raise my kids, go to church every week and read my bible on a regular basis. I am certainly not a nun but I’m pretty upright. So why is it if an arrogant man with an air of trouble comes in the room I am all a flutter? The truth is I want a good man. I want to be in a steady relationship with someone I trust. How can I get that with a bad boy? I can only hope there is a man out there that is the best of both worlds. Perhaps tough guy turned good man? Perhaps I am naive. Perhaps it doesn’t matter!

December 4, 2012 Posted by | Chemistry, Mistakes | , , | 1 Comment