Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Ahhh..Memories

About 2 years ago I went on a date with a  U.S. Marshal. He was kind of intense but we had a great first meeting. For our second date, we went to a local bar for drinks. We had a nice date. We chatted and there seemed to be chemistry. The date ended on a solid note.

He text me that night. Then he text me the following day and we had this conversation:

“I am really attracted to you and you seem like a good woman. Do you know what I’ve always really wanted?” I replied with,” What?”  He proceeded to tell me this, “I’ve always secretly wanted to be with a woman who will cheat on me with multiple men. Maybe even let me watch.”  WTF??? “Well that’s not really what I’m into and we are not looking for the same thing.” (NOW I just think this dude is another LV Douche Bag. Scratch this homeboy off the list..ya know!) Lastly, he replied with, “Oh me either, I was just playing.”

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Moral: Can you say delete and block?? I can!  I guess my moral is simple today. Dating is HARD! Hang in there and remember you are not alone in the struggle.  Oh and if you have these types of desires…wait until you really know the person. Derr…

Until Next Time…Ciao

 

 

April 21, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, First Dates | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Players Always Come Back!

Players always circle back on me. It’s like I’m on their quarterly rotation or something! So I received a message from a real douche..err gem of a man yesterday that basically asked me casually if I could help him find a job. He stated, “I noticed you’re on LinkedIn, do you have a job for me?” I waited and I debated. I am working on growing as a person. I should be mature and ignore him. This is the only man who ever officially played me. Why in the world would I reply?

Well….The answer is cuz I’m immature….derr. So I answered in a very lady-like manner. I replied with, “I didn’t know you were looking for a job. I have a great Proctologist I can refer you to.” See! I can keep it classy! He responded with, “I’m not but judging by your response, it sounds like you need one.” Now I never loved this cat. In fact, I don’t even know who he really is. You can’t feel deeply for someone you don’t know. He was sarcastic like me with a quick wit that amused me and kind of nice.  I allowed him to crawl inside my head during a time when I was very very vulnerable and he took advantage of that. (Although I am certainly responsible for letting him.) However, I don’t really care much other than he is still a mystery to me. Oh and like I said he is really my only “mistake.”  He doesn’t qualify to even be considered an ex.  I haven’t seen him in over a year. This man proceeded to tell me that he viewed my profile because he missed me. HA! How very amusing to me.

Captain Dumb Ass…we will call him that… is not a nice man. You can refer to any of my posts about players and see he fits the stereotype to a T. Everything you tell him, he pushes back on me. I call him a player, he says, “No you’re the player.” When I tried to stop seeing him over a year ago (during the brief tenure of our dating) he pushed back HARD to keep me. He didn’t do this because he cared. He did it because players like a challenge. In my naive and inexperienced head I thought, “Wow he must really be into me because he’s fighting for me.” Although when I paid attention to him, he came and went as he pleased including answering calls and texts. It was on his time frame. That’s because I was only interesting to him when there was a game running in his head. When it ended, I was stung. I mean he was only one of two men that EVER really caught my interest in my single adventure. (The other I am happily dating so score for me.) However, I didn’t see his behavior coming and I was just caught 100% off guard. I felt very used and I am about honesty here..I was used.

I will never forget what a female friend said to me during that time. (A female player friend by the way..ironic??) She told me, “He will be back.” I told here there was no way he would ever contact me again. He contacted me a little over three months ago to tell me he saw me out one night and to see how I was doing. I didn’t feed into it then. Players always come back. I’ve been on enough first and second dates with them to know that now. However, I shouldn’t have participated in conversation with him this time.   I engaged back because I was having a bad day and I felt like being mean.  This is why I am writing about it tonight.

Advice for today?  If you ever wondered if you were dating a player, one of the absolute biggest signs is he/she will circle back on you.  (psst: this has to be in conjunction with a bunch of other things.) Do not cave when they come back.  If the only two men were left on the planet were him and Pee Wee Herman, I’d be loving me some Pee Wee… Just sayin… To an intentional player, this circle back game is fun for them. They like to see if they can get back in after they’ve treated you like garbage.  If you have ever had someone play with your feelings….just know you’re not alone. Learn from it, accept it, forgive yourself, forgive the other person and move on. I will pray extra hard for Captain Dumb Ass. I hope he finds a way to stop. At 44, I expected a man to be done with the games…guess not! Remember to always play by your own rules when dating and never someone else’s.

Until Next Time..Ciao!

September 19, 2013 Posted by | Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ladies..Don’t Do This!

I was speaking with a man the other day about dating. He said, “Men are expected to do all the courting and almost all the work. Men have to make the first moves while women get to choose from multiple men who deserves their attention.” I responded with, “Well women have to worry about being too interested, not interested enough. We worry about men thinking we are easy but at the same time we want them to know we are not a prude. It’s hard for some women to operate that way.” The conversation originated from the fact I do not believe in any of those things….but I’ve written about that before..click here if you are curious.  However, this conversation made me start thinking about a lot of the attractive, single women I know.  (I am not hating on what I am about to discuss.  I actually used to do this too. )

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I think this man had a point. I do think the stereotypical dating game is the man chases a woman while she determines who is worthy of her affection. I also think this leads to the man pursuing multiple women in order to “increase his odds.” The results are a vicious circle. The woman complains that she can’t find a good man when she is actually wasting time on men that are caught up in the game.  The man wants to find someone but knows he is one of many so he needs to keep lots of bait in the water. Some men don’t care. Some men started off innocent but lost their good intentions along the way. Kind of like a politician.***This really can be unintentional. It’s a vicious circle..remember? The vicious circle I’m referring to implies that no one knows where the fault began but ALL involved are creating it so round and round we go. Are you dizzy yet?***  I have a secret!

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The only way to STOP a vicious circle (I really can’t spell that word right-every single time I write it, I get the ugly red squiggly underline. Thank goodness for spell-check yo) As I was saying, the only way to stop the err..circle is to stop participating in it regardless of the outcome. STOP. It’s so stupid easy. You have to let go of the fact that someone else may be doing it. If he/she is, stop talking to them and move on…I promise you that the only way to change any pattern is to try a new one. So that’s my secret..but I still want to give some ladies my humble advice.

Don’t be one of those women that thinks because she is pretty its okay to make a man do all the work. I used to be one of those women. So please don’t be offended if this is you. Let me give you some examples:

  • Putting up your online dating profile and expecting men to ALWAYS initiate contact and keep the conversation going – If you do this and you’re happy ROCK ON! If you do this and notice you only attract one type of guy and it’s not the kind you want, try something different.
  • Always expecting the man to call you – I get that you want to know they’re interested. They SHOULD call first sometimes. Honey they should make you feel like there was never a woman before you BUT…men need to know you care too.  Men need that too.
  • Always expect the man to ask you out – I am not saying a man should not take the lead. I am a big old-fashioned girl mixed with a strong independent woman. I get it but..how would you feel if the only time you got to see your significant other is when you asked. I would not feel good about it. Take turns..that’s all I got to say about that.
  • Making a man make ALL the first moves. Who says you can’t kiss first? Who says you have to? The key here is there are no rules.

I know there are many more examples I could give but I just wanted everyone to catch my drift.  My moral for the day? Ladies: If you are always getting the same results..try something different. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Follow that sage advice that we were most likely taught as children: Do unto others as you would have done to yourself..or something like that. I have no breeding but you know what I mean!  Stop with the attitude that I am pretty and a man should do all the work. You ARE beautiful and deserve the best. Set your boundaries, and be picky as hell on who you decide to invest in but treat the worthy man as you want to be treated.  This advice is only for women who can relate. Break the vicious circle by behaving differently. Do it for science.

Until Next Time..Ciao!

August 12, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth, Uncategorized, Women Advice | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Marrying Kind

For some reason men I date ALWAYS pop back up. I don’t know why. It may happen to lots of women but I can only account for me. Today a man I went on a few dates with asked me if I was married yet. Um…I went out with him a few times about 6 months ago. How fast does homeboy think I move? It took me foooooorrrreeeevvvverrrr to even meet a guy that made it beyond 4 dates. Ha! (That’s another story though.) For obvious reasons, I asked the man why. (The truth is, I wouldn’t have answered my cell at all if I knew it was him because there was nothing to say and I am dating someone exclusively….but I did so I was stuck..doh!) 

This man told me I was the Marrying Kind.

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Hmmmmm…That’s just effin HILARIOUS to me considering he does not really know me. The statement just seemed awfully bold and presumptuous.  Obviously, I asked him what he meant.  Homeboy (yeah I’m just gonna call him that mmkay) told me I seemed like the kind of woman who men who want to be married propose to. This doesn’t offend me. (Psst: I DO really want to be married someday if the man’s right for me and as long as it’s for the right reasons…but um who is he to tell me this-ya know?) I replied like anyone who knows me would. I said, “Well thanks.”  BUT Homeboy couldn’t leave it at that. Oh no! Homeboy proceeded to tell me that’s why he didn’t want to date me any longer. (Yeah I was the one that told him we weren’t right for each other so now I’m literally placing my finger on my mouth to stop myself from saying something mean-spirited.) So I did what any mature woman my age would do. I said, “nuh uh, I told you we weren’t looking for the same things…remember?” To which he replied, “Who stopped seeing who doesn’t matter. I’ve been thinking about it and I am no longer opposed to being married. I am done with  having fun with Vegas women and want something solid.” I quickly replied, “And I wish you the best of luck in finding it.” BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! I said it quickly. I said it sarcastically. By Golly, I said it with the level of neutrality it takes to pull a comment like that off.  Sometimes I’m so mature.

He stuttered, and as he stammered, I snickered. I mean you just can’t make stuff like this up. This is real life comedy at its finest hour. I would have LOVED to have seen his face. What type of arrogance do you think a man like that must have? Homeboy could only respond with, “Well I saw a Taekwondo commercial the other day and it made me think of you.” (For the record I don’t think I’ve ever seen a TKD commercial..but I will let homeboy have this one..heehee) I replied, “I appreciate your thoughts but I am seeing someone and I do not think it’s appropriate for you to call.” DOUBLE TRIPLE BOOM! I was offended and bemusedly shocked. ( I am sooooo proud of myself for finding a proper place to use the word bemusedly. Go Clark County education!)  I maintained a demeanor of full blown Ice Queen mode and I think he got off the phone with that damn arrogance knocked down just a little bit. Some.Peoples.Children.

My conclusion to this hilarious event is that I felt both insulted and complimented. The insulting feelings stemmed from the fact he felt I would give him the time of day now that he wanted a serious relationship. As if dude!  However I got to admit there are worse things to be called than the Marrying Kind. I am a good woman. I just won’t be “his” woman. Ha! So what’s my moral??

If you are single (male or female) do not approach the former dates that perhaps didn’t make the first cut and ask them out again. It’s waaaay lame. (I also thought it was obvious but guess not.) If you are approached by this type of comeback line or ANY variation of it (male or female) RUN! You don’t need to settle for this. Remember if you don’t place a high value on yourself, no one else will either.

Until next time…Ciao!

July 16, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Personal Growth | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

No Means No!

So I went through something kind of traumatic last weekend.  (I need a break.) I just need to clear my head.  Tonight I feel mostly better.

I usually don’t post about my dating life in journal fashion. The purpose of my blog is to offer dating guidance and cover different struggles I encounter. There are a lot of great blogs out there that share specifics and I love to read them but it’s not my intention to share all of my dating life with you. My purpose is to share wisdom I’ve learned. However, I do share when I think it’s something of value. (My NYE was a good example.)

I met a man and went out on a few dates with him. He was very very nice. He called me all the time, and sent me wonderful text messages. It was actually very refreshing. I like it when a man shows me he is interested.  He made it a point to let me know several times how desirable and great I was. However, on the third date things changed. He was very pushy and aggressive and when I tried to slow him down (I mean I’ve only known this homeboy for two weeks) he became angry.

Once I got the situation calmed and was able to leave he sent me a text stating that the reason most men stop talking to me around the third date is because I don’t put out. NOW I’M UPSET! I mean What the What??? It was one thing to have to tell this creep to keep his filthy paws off my silky draws now he’s telling me why I’m doomed to be single. I couldn’t leave this alone….I asked, “Do you mean if a woman doesn’t put out on the third date. men think there is no future?” He said, “Yes, that is the way a man thinks.” I finally told him this conversation was depressing me and to have a good night. AND….

I cried. I cried hard (first I was actually scared for my physical safety and then I was told I’m a prude who’s doomed to be alone.) and then…Well…I called BullShit. Not so..I mean it can’t be the truth. Right?? How can I EVER move beyond a third date if that’s how it goes. TWO weeks??? That’s just not my style. I mean unless it was love at first sight or something. Then I calmed down..like the next day. Once that happened I realized how very STUPID that man was. Men looking for a relationship will take their time. (um no I’m not saying 1 year) but enough time for a quality woman to be comfortable. I then decided to let it go.

Then the next day this Mutha F%^&*() texts me, “Don’t be depressed, just realize that’s how a man thinks.” OH NO HE DIDN’T..THIS FOOL DON’T KNOW ME!!! My response was this, “I’m not depressed. I’ve decided that any guy that expects me to have sex with him on the third date after only two weeks is not the type of man I want. I’ve also spoken with other men that don’t agree with you. They don’t want to be with a woman who gives it away so easily. So I guess it depends on the guy. I’m looking for someone who actually cares about me first and there’s nothing wrong with that. I can tell you that I was expecting something different from you. If you only date women that put out in two weeks, it’s probably the reason why you are still single after three years. Most – not all- but most women who do that are not looking for a relationship. You have two daughters, would you want them with men that thought like that? It might be something you should think about.” BOOM!

Yet he texts me again! (Really???)  “Maybe but I didn’t think that you felt that spark for me and that’s okay. I wish you the best and good luck.” I say it again: Really??? I know I should have stopped but I couldn’t help myself. I replied, “Well I don’t anymore but I was interested. LOL Good Luck to you too.” Observations and a  Moral…Oh yeah I got several!

1. This man was ONLY nice to me for a specific reason-not cuz he liked me for me. Good one buddy.

2. There is NO time frame on sex. I don’t care what you say. It could be three dates it could be 20. It’s when it feels right. (oh and maybe once you take the time to even learn something about me) jerk.

3. Ladies..BE SAFE! I never saw this attitude coming and this might have had a very tragic ending. You don’t always know who you are dating.

IRONY: Oh yeah…This cat actually had a chance. I was attracted to him and it’s been so long since someone made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Dumb Ass... Also, he was a Police Officer (No I am not worried. This guy did not give a fig about me and is definitely on to his next victim.) Finally, and before you jump to conclusions, I did NOT meet him online.

Wrapping up my little adventure…Please be safe in the dating world. Do not confuse attention with an interest in a relationship. The person might have selfish intentions. HOWEVER…don’t become so jaded you assume all attention is negative. (I need to remember that.) Also, do things according to your own timeline…never someone else’s.

Phew that was a close one! Until next time….Ciao!

March 17, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Mistakes, Safety, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Don’t Let Your Crazy Out!

Oh My Oh My..I only took a couple of Psychology classes in college but I had a field day with this. The message below screams “Help Get Me Some Meds” (Oh and I’m not being mean, I’m being serious.) This pearl of a man sent me a message last week about how he was in bed with his two snakes and three dogs. (Yeah I know..I kinda don’t need to say much else-right?) MY FIRST mistake was not blocking him but I don’t really date a lot right now (I’m trying to just get to know one person at a time and follow my own advice..yeah that’s how I roll..boom) so I didn’t bother. Tonight this homeboy let his crazy out! crazyman-01

I wonder how u make so much money 
U may have to work ure ass off for that? I come from the other side….I try mostly just to serve only myself…it offends me to serve other people….I used to work at Kentucky fried chicken as a dishwasher…..it was a good job I enjoyed some of it allot… 
It kept me in good shape working there…..but sometimes id get customers that would annoy me sometimes even spooky ones 
So ive become a bum who just stays at home….I try to listen to noone…..but it has started to work against my best wishes…. 
I used to love having all the time in the world…. 
But I have lost control of my mind….so its not the same anymore 
Im getting old and senile…..I value my family and my animals who r very close to me…..my mind is broken…it doesnt work like it used to….I dont know why u wont write me…..maybe u thought I am a psychotic asshole piece of shit….. 
I didnt mean to make u feel that way 
I dont take this site dead serious all the time…. 
I spend so much time alone…its hard for me to see these date sites as nothing much more than a self entertainment 
if u rnt a lonely kind of person…u may not understand how that can be like……I can even be lonely with allot of people around because sometimes I dont feel connected to anyone

I won’t even begin to address the spelling errors. (Horrible grammar bugs the hell outta me-just sayin) However, I’m sorry Mister-I really am. I do know what it feels like to be lonely. I feel that way often. However, I DON’T know….how it feels to be crazy. (At least I don’t think I do!) So my lesson to you today folks is: Beware of the crazies online pretty effin’ obvious right? Oh and to my crazy friends: Hide your crazy-don’t let it out like this to strangers. (It may get you in trouble.) 

Until next time.. Ciao

February 20, 2013 Posted by | Online Dating, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

What I wish men knew….while dating

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There are LOTS of talks and theories about the differences between men and women. I understand that we truly communicate differently as a gender. I mean this is not stuff made up to sell books. I was married a long time and although I’m not any longer, I do feel that I discovered a few things about men’s communication style. (don’t worry guys-I’m not saying I’m an expert-there’s still some mystery.)

Below you will find what I wish men knew or acted like they knew….especially while dating. ****DISCLAIMER***** This is my opinion. I can’t say I speak for ALL women or even the MAJORITY of women. However, if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I am speaking as a GOOD woman.

  • I wish men knew that it really hurts when you don’t call when you say you will. (if you don’t plan on calling, don’t pretend you will cuz that stuff hurts my feelings.)
  • I wish men knew that it’s okay if you are talking to multiple women. Unless we have an agreement, I am talking to other men too. (Just don’t make it obvious or ignore me)
  • Please don’t treat me like a back-up date even if I am. (This correlates to the request above-it stings my pride man)
  • If you are no longer interested in seeing me, please tell me. (I’m a big girl-I can take it, I promise)
  • Please do not text me a question and when I reply disappear. (I mean what the heck did you ask for then..uggh)
  • If you don’t call/text me, I automatically think you don’t like me. (I am used to men expressing interest-not playing hard to get.)
  • If I don’t ALWAYS call you first it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. (Look-I know this stuff is confusing but I was taught from a young age that a good girl should not make herself too available or throw herself at a man-its part of what makes me a “lady.”)

There are so many many more things but I am tired of writing. These are the ones that bother me the most often. If you are a woman reading this and agree well I hope you feel a little better because you are not alone. If you are a man reading this and feel enlightened-awesome! It would be nice to think I enlightened someone. So until next time….

Ciao

December 21, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice | , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I just met you…and this is crazy…

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But here’s my ring…marry my baby! Okay I am not a song writer but I just have to talk about the time I went on a date and the man was planning our future-starting with…..the wedding! Actually this has happened to me on two occasions with different men but for the purposes of this post, I will stick with one experience.

I met a guy online that seemed great! We did everything right. We started by chatting online, moved on to talking on the phone almost every night and he even went to church!!! (That’s a big plus for me.) So we decide to meet. He takes me to a nice restaurant and stares at me strangely the whole time. This guy was HUGE and by huge I mean built like a UFC fighter! Needless to say his intense stare made me nervous. However, I decide even majorly buff guys can get flustered so I continue on the date. (Anyone else ever had a date so bad they slipped out by using the old I need to use the restroom move?? Come on..I know you have but we’ll talk later.) After dinner, we decided to go grab drinks.

He took me to a small bar-which I don’t mind-and it became clear he knew everyone there. Actually, knowing everyone there is an understatement. It was his best friend since grade schools bar and all of his childhood friends were there. I am now feeling like he is introducing me to his best friends on the first date. Awkward-right? Why yes it is! The first thing that happens is one of his friends saunters up to me and spends 30 minutes trying to convince me this guy was a great catch. Okay, okay I think it’s kinda cute that his friends are selling him. Slowly the date moves from awkward to bad.

My date turns to me and tells me he would like us to marry in the fall. I laugh out loud like this is a joke. Then he tells me that the first thing he will do is buy me a new car. (I’m growing offended.) My date proceeds to inform me that once we are married I will quit my job to run a business with him because he can tell I am good at business. (Now my “saratude” is starting to kick in.) Who does this joker think he is? I have taken care of myself for quite a while and am not about to have some clown start planning my future. On the first date? What the what??? If he thinks I am just looking for a paycheck or a sugar daddy-he’s got the wrong gal. I’m looking for a partner not a dictator.

I turn to him and say, “I think you need to relax buddy.” He blushed and told me okay. As the night continued I discovered that he is only interested in meeting a girl he can marry. Duh-right? I finished as quickly as possible and left without making a scene. I can’t help but see irony in this.

Isn’t it ironic that men I date (especially online) usually go one of two ways? I have found that some men want an instant relationship-as in just add water and LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME. Other men don’t seem to even want to try to have a relationship that is real. Can I get something in the middle please? Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like the last normal person standing?

December 6, 2012 Posted by | First Dates, Mistakes, Online Dating, Women Advice | , , , , | 3 Comments