Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Aint No Future in Your Fronting

Only some of you will catch what that title means. Sorry for the slang.   We all know someone like this. “I drive a Mercedes baby but it’s in the shop.” Or how about the woman who spends every penny she has on labels so she can keep up with a certain “status?” Where I am from, we call that hood rich. In fact, this problem has increased significantly by the invention of online dating. Someone can be whatever they want to be online. If you’ve ever dated online, you know what I mean.

For example, a woman may claim to look like this: ??????????????????????????????????????

when she really looks like this:  older blonde woman

 

There is no issue with how either of these lovely ladies look. HOWEVER….you gotta expect a man to be shocked when he meets you!

Now I have seen a man who claimed to look like this: man in shape

When he really looked like this: men in bad shape

Just kidding. I would never date ANY man who had a picture of himself with his shirt off on his profile. I don’t really care what you look like. It screams douche…but I digress because I’ve written about that topic many, many times. However, you get the point. Looks are not the only thing a person can front or…pretend about. How about age, money, job status or living with their gosh darn parents at 40. None of these things are deal breakers to all people…but lying is.

My moral here is simple: BE YOURSELF!!!! Someone will always find out. If you are not confident enough in who you REALLY are then you are not ready to date and find a REAL relationship. That’s all I have to say about that.

Until Next Time…..here’s a song that reminds me of this topic….Ciao!

 

 

 

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June 28, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Build ‘Em Up

beautifulI think a lot of people spend time pointing out the flaws in a person. It is a very easy thing to do. We are so quick to focus on what someone doesn’t do in our relationships. She doesn’t say this enough. He doesn’t do this enough. Some of us speak our thoughts out loud. Some of us do not. I guarantee you that thinking this way only leads to disappointment and poor relationships.

If you are always treating someone like they are lacking, they are always going to come up short. This will lead to that person always feeling inadequate and will create a sure path to destruction in your relationship. Maybe you just don’t comment on anything? That can be okay…..but….it is so much better if you “build up a person.” (DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t mean you are responsible for repairing a person’s entire sense of confidence. There is a fine line here. I am only referring to ensuring their confidence in how YOU feel about them.) So what’s the answer? I’m going to keep this simple.

Today’s Moral: If you want your partner to feel good about your relationship…freaking tell them what you think of them…um the good stuff. Focus on the things you really like about them. For example, if you think your girlfriend is an amazing kisser…tell her! Tell her often. You will be amazed what happens when a man/woman is very secure in your feelings for them. I know for a fact that a woman will blossom when she feels confident in your desire for her. Try it…for science.

Compliments

Until Next Time….Ciao!

June 28, 2014 Posted by | Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You’re Probably being Played If…..

We’ve all wondered if it was happening to us. Well…maybe not you. If you’re one of the fortunate ones….good for you! However, most of us have. I have sat around and speculated that someone really liked me. He um…just didn’t know how to tell me. Maybe he is afraid of being hurt? Maybe he is scared by his feelings? Maybe he needs space? Maybe he really is a top-secret spy that can only call me on Friday nights because of his job? Um….yeah…maybe? So what’s the secret?

The secret is ACTIONS! OOps! Guess it’s not a secret anymore.  In an effort to be useful (yes some of these..heck MOST of these I have written about before but I seem to get LOTS of questions about players.) Anyways, in an effort to be useful, I have a bunch of examples below.

  • You might be getting played if the guy/girl will never introduce you to his/her friends
  • You are definitely getting played (or at least not considered a “serious potential dating partner” if you bump into his/her friends and you do not get introduced. (Please do not take this. If you feel hurt by it it’s because….you should. I’m sorry if that hurts. Find someone who deserves you.However if you don’t care, rock on with your bad self!)
  • You are probably getting played if he/she only calls you on Friday/Saturday..or whatever day. (If they are interested, it’s not just about that once a week hook-up call.)
  • You are probably getting played if you have been seeing the man/woman for a consistent amount of time and you have never been invited to his/her house. (DANGER DANGER..it is quite possible they are married/shacking….don’t blow a gasket…I said possible.)
  • You’re probably being played if you do not know what he/she does for a living….after like the first date!
  • You’re probably being played if you always meet up at random, last-minute requests. (Not only that, but I find that rude.)
  • You’re probably being played if your interest is not being reciprocated. (If you are giving WAY more that you are receiving, it’s time to check in with your brain and think about the relationship logically. This sucks..I know.)

There are so many more examples I could write. I would honestly love to hear any other opinions. Playing with someone’s feelings is messed up yo! I prefer to keep my advice simple…

Moral: If the actions of your love interest are questionable…take a moment to think about it. It hurts to have your feelings played with. Keep your head up and leave yourself open for someone who will adore you….I know they’re right around the corner.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

 

June 12, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bust a Move

Dear Sara,

Is it appropriate to make the first move on a date? I was always taught to let the man do it. What do you think?

 

Sincerely,

Anonymous

 

Hi Anonymous! The answer is: If it feels appropriate then yes you should! The rule is there are no rules. I used to be the exact same way but the pressure is crazy! I hate the pressure of waiting so the last time I had a first kiss, I was the one to initiate it. I just wanted to golly gee  get it over with! However, I would qualify this with the timing felt right to me when I did it. Remember to not get caught up in all the dumb rules that society and dating books try to cram down our throats. Listen to your instincts and trust them.

Until Next Time….here’s some old school hip hop….Ciao!

 

 

 

May 3, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ahhh..Memories

About 2 years ago I went on a date with a  U.S. Marshal. He was kind of intense but we had a great first meeting. For our second date, we went to a local bar for drinks. We had a nice date. We chatted and there seemed to be chemistry. The date ended on a solid note.

He text me that night. Then he text me the following day and we had this conversation:

“I am really attracted to you and you seem like a good woman. Do you know what I’ve always really wanted?” I replied with,” What?”  He proceeded to tell me this, “I’ve always secretly wanted to be with a woman who will cheat on me with multiple men. Maybe even let me watch.”  WTF??? “Well that’s not really what I’m into and we are not looking for the same thing.” (NOW I just think this dude is another LV Douche Bag. Scratch this homeboy off the list..ya know!) Lastly, he replied with, “Oh me either, I was just playing.”

badfirstdate

Moral: Can you say delete and block?? I can!  I guess my moral is simple today. Dating is HARD! Hang in there and remember you are not alone in the struggle.  Oh and if you have these types of desires…wait until you really know the person. Derr…

Until Next Time…Ciao

 

 

April 21, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, First Dates | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Date Gone Bad!!!

Sara,

What do you do when your date totally embarrasses you?  I recently went out with this woman who I met online.  Our first “coffee date” was pretty cool and I thought she was really nice. On our second date we went to dinner at a very nice restaurant. She ordered a salad.  When the  waitress brought it out my date came completely unglued!  She totally freaked out saying this salad doesn’t look the same as the salad she had last time she was there. What was the matter with it!  She gave the waitress a really hard time and demanded to see the manager.  The waitress and the manager were doing everything possible to make her happy, they brought her another salad they gave her a bunch of extra stuff, they apologized profusely but nothing would make her happy she complained during the entire dinner.  In the meantime I was so embarrassed I didn’t know what to do. Her salad looked fine to me, but she was throwing a fit. We finished eating and she took everything she could off the table and put it in her purse.  I was so embarrassed I left the server a 50% tip and we left.

I thought maybe this was just a one-time thing and so we went out again the next week.   We went to another really nice restaurant and she threw another fit!  She had to call in the manager and complain about one of the servers it was so embarrassing I wanted to crawl under the table.  Needless to say I am not calling this woman back and truthfully, I hope I never see her again. 

 What should a guy do when his date is embarrassing him like crazy?

 

Wowsers! I am sorry to say I laughed pretty hard at the imagery of someone stealing everything off the table. I think the question posed to me is, “What do you do in this type of situation?”

Advice: Well honestly Anonymous, I would not go on another date with that person! Also, if a date ever steals things off the table, then you should probably not ask her out again. (just sayin..) Although, I think that is “hindsight is 20/20″ type of advice. My real advice is if you are ever in that type of awkward, bad vibe, geesh this date is cray cray type of scenario again….end it. I literally would say something like this,”I can tell you are having a rough night and this is not my idea of appropriate behaviour. Thank you for meeting me but this is not what I am looking for.” (I promise you I have actually said something along those lines before during a bad date.) You see most people don’t handle things that way so they are shocked by it. If you say it firmly, politely, and in a manner that leaves no room for argument..I guarantee you will catch them off guard enough to make an exit. I left a bad date with his jaw wide open in a similar manner in the middle of dinner. He called me to apologize but really…..you just can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. (I’m full of useless clichés tonight!) You can choose to not tolerate that type of behavior and tell the bad date that and RUN or…………You can always go the bathroom and not come back. I prefer directness BUT the choice is up to you!

Until Next Time….Ciao!

March 28, 2014 Posted by | First Dates, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

When Do You Know?

A close friend asked me, “Sara, when do I know I am over my ex?” I think the answer is to look at your actions.

  • Are you looking at his/her online profile on a frequent basis? (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) If you are looking at them more than you care to admit, you are probably still healing and not moved on.
  • Are you looking at old photographs? This one is kinda obvious. If you feel the need to pull out old photos, you are probably not over your ex. (pst: if you have kids with the person and you keep them for your kids, it’s different. However, if you are pulling them out just to look at the person…well I don’t think you’re over it.)
  • Do you still keep mementos? (old cards, letters. etc.) When you are really over something, you can let go of that stuff. I dare say it is good for you.
  • Do you visit places you used to see him/her at in the hopes of seeing the person? ( I have never done this but I have heard of people doing it.)
  • Do you think about your ex frequently?
  • Do you find yourself jumping at the chance to see him/her? This is a BIG one.
  • Have you found yourself thinking about a random reason to reach out to him/her in the hopes of starting a dialogue? Hey..we’ve all done it. It just means you are not over it.

Today’s Moral:If you are suffering from these symptoms, it does not make you a weak person. This just means you are probably not over your last relationship. Just like the grief process, it takes as long as it takes. I only caution you not to start a NEW relationship until you are ready. It is better for you and better for the next amazing person you find in your life.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

Oh! And remember to never ever do this:

o-BREAK-UP-570

March 10, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Try Something Different

Albert Einstein

I watch my friends repeat themselves all the time. Um yes…I make mistakes all the time. However, it’s easier to see a problem from the outside. It just is. (Now that we’ve cleared that up, I will continue.) I observe my friends falling for the same type of person over and over and over and…the relationships fail. I am going to use case studies.

I have a male friend that only dates party girls. Yes, over time the women have gotten a little less stripper and perhaps a little more barfly. Maybe that’s not even being fair..but definitely not a “good girl.” (I am not dogging out my wild sisters…I love you guys and I am often amazed at the ability to be so carefree.) However, my friend wants a family. He feels his male clock is ticking at 36. (SIDE NOTE: Neither men nor women should feel rushed to settle. There are plenty of people who start families later in life.) Back to the point! The women he gravitates toward are pretty in a harder way and usually like to party and usually date a LOT of different men. Do you see where I am going with this? These women DO NOT want a family or a husband. Well…not usually. So what happens? He ends up getting hurt and then he is just so shocked by it, he falls into a slump. All I can think of is that old fable about the woman who saved a snake…then the snake bites her. The snake replies with, “You knew I was a snake when you saved me.”

I know a woman in a similar boat. She always dates douche bags. The type of men that purposely treat her poorly then disappear for a while. (I know you know the type of man I am talking about.) Then they end up breaking up with her or cheating and she comes running to me in tears. Why is she always dating jerks? The last one I spotted within thirty minutes of meeting him by the way he was checking out every girl he saw…while she was with him. Poor thing doesn’t want to listen and I only offer solicited advice. I try to not mettle in others affairs. Do you see how this pattern of repetitively choosing the same type of guy is NOT working? I wish she did.

Moral for today: Can I be blunt? Of course I can! This is my blog! The truth is…you can’t ALWAYS do the same thing over and over and expect different results. If you are getting the SAME type of problems OVER and OVER again…try looking for common denominators. Is it you? Is it the type of person you are dating? Is it both? I don’t know…but as I’ve said before..If you want a different result, you have to DO different things. It’s really logical if you think about it. Look for patterns and change them. If this is something you can relate to, try it! Do it for science. Albert Einstein coined it well when he said:

definition of madness

 

Until Next Time….Ciao!

January 27, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Mistakes, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Breaking Up is Hard to do

Dear Sara,

How should I break up with my boyfriend? I don’t want to be with him but I’m scared to tell him. So far, I’ve just been avoiding him.  Any advice?

Anonymous

I have a great strategy for this. Tell him you have a flesh-eating disease that is currently incubating but during this period of time it is highly contagious. No?

Okay, tell him you have to move to Yemen for work. (I’m not so sure I spelled it right and I’m pretty sure Chandler did it in Friends and it did not work.) No?

Maybe…just maybe….you can…tell him the truth. Okay, all jokes aside, this was an easy question to answer and post to write. (Probably why I chose it, cuz I’m feeling all kinds of lazy tonight.) This is easy for me because you need to be honest. The absolute worst thing you can do to the poor guy is drag it out and make him feel even worse while you ignore him. You absolutely need to put your big girl pants on and face this head on. Everyone knows I love lists…so here goes.

DO

  • Tell him right away.
  • Tell him in person and directly
  • If you absolutely can’t meet up with him, at least do it on the phone (I really do prefer the in person method)
  • Be gentle but honest
  • Keep it short and sweet-no need to spend two hours with the dude your dumping (Like a bandaid..just do it quickly)

DO NOT

  • Send him an email
  • Text him (it’s a different version of the above)
  • Use any cliché lines like, “It’s not you, it’s me” or “You just deserve a better person than me.” Its bogus and obvious..for realsies.
  • Turn it into a “Let’s pick on the poor guy getting dumped.” (Sometimes in an order to feel better people like to become confrontational and start picking on the person they are dumping…it helps them feel better about being the bad guy.)
  • Just disappear (This is one of the crappiest things you can do to a person. They deserve closure.)
  • Lie (The truth might hurt but lies are no bueno.)
  • Sink to his level if he gets angry. (If he does start a fight..just walk away. I mean you just broke up with him. It’s not like you have to deal with him again. Please try to be the bigger person and walk away.)

Moral: Breaking up with someone is HARD. However, if you have really made up your mind and you feel this is best…get it over with. It never pays to procrastinate…especially when I am sure you are nervous and the tension is building. The quicker you do it, the sooner you and him can move on. Plus…doesn’t he deserve to know sooner rather than later?  I know it’s hard, but do the right thing and be done with it. I wish you the absolute best with this venture….seriously, I know it sucks. I’ve broken up with men before too. Good luck!

Until Next Time….Ciao

Also, lies can escalate into bigger lies..Kinda like Chandler below. (You don’t want to have to buy a fake ticket to Yemen. If I really tried to lie, this is exactly how it would backfire on me. Ha!)

January 20, 2014 Posted by | Dating Advice, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Aint No Holla Back Girl

I pulled up at the convenient store that is conveniently around the corner from my office at lunch. As I stepped in to get my usual fix of Bubblicious Bubble Gum, a man followed me in. He proceeded to make some very specific comments about very specific parts of my body while he chatted on the phone.  Picture…Puff Daddy meets Jay Z but not even in the same hemisphere of coolness. In my normal fashion I walk by in full Ice Queen mode, head held high and shoulders back, and do not make eye contact. As I am leaving, he was at the gas pump and yells from across the parking lot, “Hey!” I ignore him because I am really quite good at being an Ice Queen. He yells out, “Hello!” Finally, I turn as I am putting my key in the car door (um yes…I do not have a key fob…that’s how I roll yo) and I say hello back. Puff Daddy Z quickly gets in his brand new Mercedes and races towards me in his car. At this point I am stuck. He says, “Girl blah freaking blah you can fill in the blanks and a few comments about my sexiness.” I reply, “Thank you I am seeing someone.” He asked, “Are you sure?” I answer, “Yeah I am pretty sure,” He responded with a few more insinuations about how successful he is and a few more that amount to what a shame it is I am unavailable. Hey, he did pay me a few compliments so I thanked him as nicely as I could. He was kinda pushy though so I ended up being a little rude. By rude I mean I told him, “This conversation is over now. Good bye.” I giggled over the look on his face after I told him that as I drove back to work.  I am sorta childish like that. Although, the little episode did get me thinking.

****Qualifier: I am not necessarily saying I am so beautiful that men are always fawning over me. I am relatively easy on the eyes and every once in a while, I am REALLY some dudes type****

The episode got me thinking about his approach. First of all I would have lied to him and said I was seeing someone even if I was single. However, I gotta wonder how often his technique works? I also wish I knew why I was a magnet for men that think their new car or impressive job or what-the-hell-ever else they have to show off is enough to grab my interest. It’s really ironic because none of it matters to me. Not.At.All. All that floss is just entirely wasted on me. Although, I suspect many of my female counter parts in this city might care a little more…but not me. So I have become good at being rude. Chop ’em off at the knees when they’re pushy like this cat was…that’s my motto. (Ironically the really cocky ones seem to like my attitude the most but that’s another story.) Do women really holla back?  How would that conversation even go? “Gee thank you for complimenting my derriere and for so tactfully putting me on the spot in the gas station parking lot by screaming across it. All I really wanted was some bubble gum. However, now that I see you are truly a man of romance, style and compassion, I will go out with you.” Hmmmmm? Yeah I don’t see it happening.

So what’s my moral?

Gentleman: I admire tenacity. If you want something or someone, you should ask. BUT…is screaming across a parking lot or any variation of it ever a good idea? PSST: The answer is no. Also, there is no worse way to demean a woman of value than to make your first declaration of admiration a body part..I’m just gonna put that out there. Furthermore, if you ARE getting results from bragging about all your money AFTER complimenting a specific body part…beware of the woman. Just sayin.

Ladies: Don’t respond to this type of behavior….Like ever. That’s really all I have to say about that!

Until Next Time, here’s a song..just cuz!

Ciao!

November 5, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Men Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments