Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

No Means No!

So I went through something kind of traumatic last weekend.  (I need a break.) I just need to clear my head.  Tonight I feel mostly better.

I usually don’t post about my dating life in journal fashion. The purpose of my blog is to offer dating guidance and cover different struggles I encounter. There are a lot of great blogs out there that share specifics and I love to read them but it’s not my intention to share all of my dating life with you. My purpose is to share wisdom I’ve learned. However, I do share when I think it’s something of value. (My NYE was a good example.)

I met a man and went out on a few dates with him. He was very very nice. He called me all the time, and sent me wonderful text messages. It was actually very refreshing. I like it when a man shows me he is interested.  He made it a point to let me know several times how desirable and great I was. However, on the third date things changed. He was very pushy and aggressive and when I tried to slow him down (I mean I’ve only known this homeboy for two weeks) he became angry.

Once I got the situation calmed and was able to leave he sent me a text stating that the reason most men stop talking to me around the third date is because I don’t put out. NOW I’M UPSET! I mean What the What??? It was one thing to have to tell this creep to keep his filthy paws off my silky draws now he’s telling me why I’m doomed to be single. I couldn’t leave this alone….I asked, “Do you mean if a woman doesn’t put out on the third date. men think there is no future?” He said, “Yes, that is the way a man thinks.” I finally told him this conversation was depressing me and to have a good night. AND….

I cried. I cried hard (first I was actually scared for my physical safety and then I was told I’m a prude who’s doomed to be alone.) and then…Well…I called BullShit. Not so..I mean it can’t be the truth. Right?? How can I EVER move beyond a third date if that’s how it goes. TWO weeks??? That’s just not my style. I mean unless it was love at first sight or something. Then I calmed down..like the next day. Once that happened I realized how very STUPID that man was. Men looking for a relationship will take their time. (um no I’m not saying 1 year) but enough time for a quality woman to be comfortable. I then decided to let it go.

Then the next day this Mutha F%^&*() texts me, “Don’t be depressed, just realize that’s how a man thinks.” OH NO HE DIDN’T..THIS FOOL DON’T KNOW ME!!! My response was this, “I’m not depressed. I’ve decided that any guy that expects me to have sex with him on the third date after only two weeks is not the type of man I want. I’ve also spoken with other men that don’t agree with you. They don’t want to be with a woman who gives it away so easily. So I guess it depends on the guy. I’m looking for someone who actually cares about me first and there’s nothing wrong with that. I can tell you that I was expecting something different from you. If you only date women that put out in two weeks, it’s probably the reason why you are still single after three years. Most – not all- but most women who do that are not looking for a relationship. You have two daughters, would you want them with men that thought like that? It might be something you should think about.” BOOM!

Yet he texts me again! (Really???)  “Maybe but I didn’t think that you felt that spark for me and that’s okay. I wish you the best and good luck.” I say it again: Really??? I know I should have stopped but I couldn’t help myself. I replied, “Well I don’t anymore but I was interested. LOL Good Luck to you too.” Observations and a  Moral…Oh yeah I got several!

1. This man was ONLY nice to me for a specific reason-not cuz he liked me for me. Good one buddy.

2. There is NO time frame on sex. I don’t care what you say. It could be three dates it could be 20. It’s when it feels right. (oh and maybe once you take the time to even learn something about me) jerk.

3. Ladies..BE SAFE! I never saw this attitude coming and this might have had a very tragic ending. You don’t always know who you are dating.

IRONY: Oh yeah…This cat actually had a chance. I was attracted to him and it’s been so long since someone made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Dumb Ass... Also, he was a Police Officer (No I am not worried. This guy did not give a fig about me and is definitely on to his next victim.) Finally, and before you jump to conclusions, I did NOT meet him online.

Wrapping up my little adventure…Please be safe in the dating world. Do not confuse attention with an interest in a relationship. The person might have selfish intentions. HOWEVER…don’t become so jaded you assume all attention is negative. (I need to remember that.) Also, do things according to your own timeline…never someone else’s.

Phew that was a close one! Until next time….Ciao!

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March 17, 2013 - Posted by | Dating Advice, Mistakes, Safety, Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

11 Comments »

  1. I have a “5 or 5 rule” I have not shared on the blog yet, but the jist is that if we aren’t having trouble keeping our hands off of each other after five dates or five weeks, then the chemistry isn’t there and it is time to keep moving…

    I feel 5 or 5 is more liberal than most men you will meet online.

    There are exceptions as this stuff is complicated, as you are aware.

    Obviously, I do not force women to do anything. I have gotten angry and left a woman’s house for leaving me hanging (well, the opposite of hanging actually). That situation was that after she went to home base she later decided she wanted to just hang around third. But once the genie is out of the bottle it can’t be put back…so I don’t think it was fair to me, and do not regret getting mad.

    Where did you meet this guy anyway? Were you trying to “go backwards”? ie, had he been to third previously and then you were making him hang around 2nd this time?

    Comment by smoothreentry | March 17, 2013 | Reply

    • I met him at the grocery store and we didn’t even go to 1st base until the 2nd date. I didn’t invite him home and whatever was left not so hanging he can deal with all by himself. (I’m not feeling charitable towards him.) I get that there needs to be chemistry but I don’t like the idea of anyone putting a “time frame” on it. That’s too much pressure. I’m looking for a long term relationship not to be a conquest. Chemistry really matters to me too!

      Comment by datinginvegas | March 17, 2013 | Reply

    • Ugh, so sorry you had to go through this, datinginvegas. I had a big talk last week with the guy-I-dated-twice/friend-with-selected-not-super-impressive-benefits/but-actually-a-good-listener (we have the weirdest relationship ever and totally work…on paper) about when to tell guys about certain choices I’ve made about when to get physical. And I guess I can see how a guy might get frustrated by not being allowed to “round home,” but I have my reasons and the right guy will respect that. But is it maybe in everyone’s best interest to not even start running the bases in that case?? Help me out, single men of the world, I’m just trying to understand!

      Comment by fishingforbicycles | March 17, 2013 | Reply

      • Thank you! Yes single men…please oh please share your wisdom…:)

        Comment by datinginvegas | March 17, 2013

  2. Sorry that happened to you. I can say that I’ve been guilty of putting a time frame on things, but only in my head. It’s nothing I’ve ever voiced to, or pressured, a date about before. And the reason I do this, as silly as it sounds, is because a girl once broke up with me because I wasn’t moving fast enough for her. Now I just don’t want to seem like I’m inexperienced or a prude. But I guess if it’s the right girl then I won’t have to worry about it. Thanks for posting this.

    Comment by ptown85 | March 17, 2013 | Reply

    • That’s exactly how I feel. When it’s the right guy, he will wait. The man who waits will be a very lucky man indeed. lol! Thanks for reading and thank you even more for commenting. I really need to hear men’s opinions too.

      Comment by datinginvegas | March 17, 2013 | Reply

  3. I think it stinks that anyone (man or woman) thinks you are obligated to any kind of rule.
    And the fact that you felt uncomfortable doesnt sound like he was rounding bases on a hit. More like he was stealing! Sorry you had to encounter such.

    Comment by shelia | March 19, 2013 | Reply

  4. Gah. And this is the reason, well, one of many, why I’ve lost faith in good standing men. I know not alllllll men are, and think like that mofo, but still! What is wrong with holding out? What’s the rush to jump into bed together? My guy friend tried to feed me bullshit about how “you can learn a lot about a person by sleeping with them.” Why can’t you learn about each other the old fashioned way: through conversation!? I don’t understand why sex has become a regular aspect of relationships, today.

    Comment by Audrey | March 24, 2013 | Reply

    • I think you have every right to wait Audrey 🙂 I am not so old fashioned that plan on waiting for marriage (although according to my faith I should.) I DO want a man to care about me and I want to know I am exclusive too…There are good men out there. They are just hard to find. I still believe and I’ve met some real creepers!

      Comment by datinginvegas | March 24, 2013 | Reply

      • Ohh, haha. I probably won’t stay abstinent until marriage; I do believe that waiting for the right person is fine, and as long as you both are committed to one another and everything, I don’t see anything wrong with sleeping together. Ughh, why must we scour through the creeps? hahha

        Comment by Audrey | March 26, 2013

  5. […] So I went through something kind of traumatic last weekend. (I need a break.) I just need to clear my head. Tonight I feel mostly better. I usually don't post about …howtodateinlv.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/no-means-no/ […]

    Pingback by Romance – How to Date a Nerd Chapter 36 How to Say Goodbye … : Best Dating Tips Online | March 27, 2013 | Reply


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