Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

The Unintentional Player

Don’t hate the player, hate the game! No really, blame the player. However, sometimes a player doesn’t know they are playing. Just for fun, I googled “definition of a player.” Here is one of my favorite ones.

player
a guy who: 
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship 
(2) is in full reproductive mode 
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts) 
(4) often “dates” several girls  (girls are often unaware of each other) 
(5) is an asshole!
don’t hate the player, hate the game? yeah right!
Here was another one. (I had to correct the grammar on these..just as a fyi)
player
A man or woman who hooks up with many different persons but commits to none and in that process ends up hurting some of those involved but there is a difference between player and asshole listed below as 1 and 2 and players generally being happy people until they are caught are opposites of the player hater who only hates because he can’t play or lost or has a girl who got her heart broke by one and is insecure
1 Male or female that has a lot of one night stands or short relationships with many people at once 2 Female or male who has several long-term aka ” i love you” relationships and tricks each into thinking she’s/he’s the one
I’m kinda shocked that 99% of the definitions refer to them as male. I have known some pretty crafty female players.  I have decided that I am going to create my own definition. Why not? It’s my blog yo!
Player
A man or woman who intentionally or unintentionally “plays” or misleads someone during the course of a relationship.
1. The male/female may know they are not looking for the same things but proceed to manipulate the other party for personal gain such as a. money b. sex c. convenience
2. The male/female may not realize they are not ready for a monogamous relationship yet attempt to develop one only to end up hurting the other party involved. This may be due to a. maturity level b. ignorance c. past baggage or emotional damage d. mental issues
Boom! I just wrote my own definition! Whose house???? Sara’s house!
Now that I am done tooting my own horn, I would like to quickly discuss unintentional players. The UP are possibly the most dangerous of all players. (yeah I am gonna use the acronym UP and for my slow friends…such as myself…this stands for Unintentional Player.) UP’s are dangerous because they are harder to spot. Why? UP’s are difficult to identify because they do not KNOW they are a player.  They have not reached a level of awareness in what they want. It’s one thing for someone to KNOW they are a player but to not know it is an entirely different issue. Before you even think of arguing, I challenge you to think of all the dumb people you know. Most of them do not realize it. ( At least I KNOW I’m stupid!) I wanted to write a list of things a UP does but I stopped. I stopped because the list looks the exact same way as what I’ve written about players. So here’s my advice.
Moral: Whether the person REALIZES they are playing with your feelings or not doesn’t matter. The point is that they are. I sympathize with UP’s because they have no level of self-awareness at all. They often flounder in relationships and do not even realize that the real problem is themselves. However, if a player wants to be a player…play on. Just don’t play with me! Ha!  I am not judging a player. However, my post and really my entire blog is to help people who want something real. I just caution everyone not to justify the actions of someone based on the fact that they don’t MEAN to.  Players don’t always know it. I guess that’s all I really have to say about that peeps.
Until next time….here’s a song…ciao!
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November 23, 2013 Posted by | Players, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

5 Signs That You’re the Back-up Date

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while now.   Today I received an email that enabled me to start on this post again.

Dear Sara,

I have been dating this guy for about three months. He calls me regularly for about two weeks and then disappears. He always asks me out on last-minute dates. The dates go well but then he disappears. Why do you think he does that?

Anonymous

Here are 5 signs that you are the back up date:

  1. The person calls you regularly then disappears
  2. The person shows interest and then runs cold for periods of time
  3. The object of your affection always asks you out at the last-minute (once in a while is ok, but always is a red flag)
  4. He/she is not moving forward in the relationship (if it’s been months and you still only see him/her once a week..there might be an issue.)
  5. He/she demonstrates random behavior (calls a lot, stops calling. Always responds to text messages, then stops. It’s really a continuation of number 2.)

I am sorry Anonymous. I think there is a strong chance you are the back-up date. My advice is to stop seeing him. I would let him know that you are looking for a more consistent relationship. Be honest and then walk away. You can’t make someone want to make you a priority.  I know that sucks and it hurts (I’ve been there) but if you walk away now, you can find someone who DOES want to make you a priority. Good luck my friend!  To my male friends (and female) please drop this attitude. There is no point in dating just to date…not when you’re a grown up.

backup date

Until Next Time…Ciao!

October 22, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Players Always Come Back!

Players always circle back on me. It’s like I’m on their quarterly rotation or something! So I received a message from a real douche..err gem of a man yesterday that basically asked me casually if I could help him find a job. He stated, “I noticed you’re on LinkedIn, do you have a job for me?” I waited and I debated. I am working on growing as a person. I should be mature and ignore him. This is the only man who ever officially played me. Why in the world would I reply?

Well….The answer is cuz I’m immature….derr. So I answered in a very lady-like manner. I replied with, “I didn’t know you were looking for a job. I have a great Proctologist I can refer you to.” See! I can keep it classy! He responded with, “I’m not but judging by your response, it sounds like you need one.” Now I never loved this cat. In fact, I don’t even know who he really is. You can’t feel deeply for someone you don’t know. He was sarcastic like me with a quick wit that amused me and kind of nice.  I allowed him to crawl inside my head during a time when I was very very vulnerable and he took advantage of that. (Although I am certainly responsible for letting him.) However, I don’t really care much other than he is still a mystery to me. Oh and like I said he is really my only “mistake.”  He doesn’t qualify to even be considered an ex.  I haven’t seen him in over a year. This man proceeded to tell me that he viewed my profile because he missed me. HA! How very amusing to me.

Captain Dumb Ass…we will call him that… is not a nice man. You can refer to any of my posts about players and see he fits the stereotype to a T. Everything you tell him, he pushes back on me. I call him a player, he says, “No you’re the player.” When I tried to stop seeing him over a year ago (during the brief tenure of our dating) he pushed back HARD to keep me. He didn’t do this because he cared. He did it because players like a challenge. In my naive and inexperienced head I thought, “Wow he must really be into me because he’s fighting for me.” Although when I paid attention to him, he came and went as he pleased including answering calls and texts. It was on his time frame. That’s because I was only interesting to him when there was a game running in his head. When it ended, I was stung. I mean he was only one of two men that EVER really caught my interest in my single adventure. (The other I am happily dating so score for me.) However, I didn’t see his behavior coming and I was just caught 100% off guard. I felt very used and I am about honesty here..I was used.

I will never forget what a female friend said to me during that time. (A female player friend by the way..ironic??) She told me, “He will be back.” I told here there was no way he would ever contact me again. He contacted me a little over three months ago to tell me he saw me out one night and to see how I was doing. I didn’t feed into it then. Players always come back. I’ve been on enough first and second dates with them to know that now. However, I shouldn’t have participated in conversation with him this time.   I engaged back because I was having a bad day and I felt like being mean.  This is why I am writing about it tonight.

Advice for today?  If you ever wondered if you were dating a player, one of the absolute biggest signs is he/she will circle back on you.  (psst: this has to be in conjunction with a bunch of other things.) Do not cave when they come back.  If the only two men were left on the planet were him and Pee Wee Herman, I’d be loving me some Pee Wee… Just sayin… To an intentional player, this circle back game is fun for them. They like to see if they can get back in after they’ve treated you like garbage.  If you have ever had someone play with your feelings….just know you’re not alone. Learn from it, accept it, forgive yourself, forgive the other person and move on. I will pray extra hard for Captain Dumb Ass. I hope he finds a way to stop. At 44, I expected a man to be done with the games…guess not! Remember to always play by your own rules when dating and never someone else’s.

Until Next Time..Ciao!

September 19, 2013 Posted by | Players, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Play By Your Own Rules

Anyone who follows my blog knows I do not believe dating is a game. Its not…period. Unless you’re dating a player..a player plays…I’ve written about it here. You see? The truth is it is real life and hopefully we are all grown ups. Yeah I know…most of us aren’t. That’s another topic though. My optimistic outlook or perhaps my lack of experience can be perceived as weak. This means I get picked on by some of my girlfriends.

I know their intentions are good. A lot of my friends either try to protect me from my naivety or encourage me to broaden my horizons. I know some of them think it is just nuts that I have not had more casual affairs or more affairs period. I am quite often shrugging off their good intentions. This happened early last week. However, before I go there, I need to back up.

I have been practicing what I preach. Every guy I’ve dated recently has been exclusive. They may not know it, but if it goes beyond the first date, I am not juggling. I promise you it is working. Perhaps I am not madly in love but….I am weeding through the players left and right. IT’S EFFIN GREAT!!!!! No More Games!!!! Me likey a lot!! So yes, when they disappear for days, I kick them to the curb. Would you like to know why? Cuz they’re playing…derr.

It’s broken down like this: the rules

  • Guy disappears for days…I kick him to the curb for running hot and cold (in a nice way..This is a Good Girls Guide.)
  • Guy wants to get to sexually aggressive with me in only 3 dates……NEXT.
  • Guy doesn’t take time to see me or speak with me or even ask a question…On to the next..

What I’ve been doing in return:

  • Dedicating my time to getting to know men as individuals…Not as a game or as a means to get out of the house.
  • Only dating one man at a time.
  • Really making an effort if I like the guy to let them know I am interested.

Is it the answer??

I don’t know. I can tell you that if you’re tired of players….don’t play by their rules. I feel good about it and I feel good about myself. I am no longer caught up in any of the BS involved with juggling dates. I am not worried if the guy I am seeing is juggling. (It becomes really obvious in less than two weeks.) Once I notice it…I just move on. It’s not like they owe me anything. However, I am being true to who I am and I am playing by MY OWN RULES! Not some wannabe playa playa from the Himalaya….(Yep I went there…) Oh and guess what???

I met someone who I really really like this way. I know if I had been up to my old serial dating ways like last year, I would never have really gotten to know him. (But I don’t want to jinx it…and I am not one to kiss and tell.) I bring him up because I need to tie in the getting picked on by my friends. Last week I broke off a date with a pretty nice, successful man. I don’t want to serial date. I like who I am choosing to spend time with. It may be something real…it may not. My friends started mad dogging me over breaking up…”You need to keep your options open.” “What happens if this doesn’t work out?” Um….It doesn’t matter is my point. My rules…my life. What happens if it doesn’t work out? Then I just start over. What have I lost? The point is if I can’t give him my full attention, I will never KNOW if it can work out. Derr…Why is that so hard for some people to understand? Dating doesn’t have to be a game……besides, my heart is certainly not something to play with.

Until next time….ciao!

 

April 3, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I’m in Love with a Texter

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Psst: I’m not REALLY in love with a texter but I wanted your attention! I am noticing a trend in this dating game that is starting to bother me. I have more guys texting me than I know what do with. AND…here’s the real kicker….I haven’t even met half of them! What the What????

In fact, if love were measured in text messages, I would be a very loved woman. The funny thing is that texting doesn’t provide the companionship I’m looking for. Also, I’ve text some of these guys so long that I am way to nervous to meet them in person. This is mainly because I’m a punk there has been so much build up I am afraid of discovering their true personalities. I mean it is easy to text and be anyone you want. (But once again I am digressing) I am not even bothered so much as annoyed.

I am annoyed by all the texts. I mean I don’t have time to TEXT ALL DA&* DAY!  I work man and I have kids and a life. If we are dating, I promise I will make time for you but I don’t have time for BS. Yes I appreciate a morning text and a goodnight text (um from someone I am DATING not random strangers.)  I only gave my cell number to the guy in the first place so we could meet. Why are you only texting me? What could I possibly have to say to you ALL day. How do I respond to messages like: “Hey Sexy.” Um “hi” is about all I got if there’s time in my hectic azz day to respond. Here’s some irony…if text messages were boyfriends I’d be a pimp but I’m STILL single. Oh dear…I’m getting off topic again. So here’s my advice for my fellow LV daters meeting people online (and all daters really.) Wait for it………………………………

  • Initial online contact made
  • Briefly chat online
  • Exchange numbers
  • Text ONLY long enough to set up a date
  • I recommend a simple meet and greet-coffee, etc.

BOOM goes the dynamite! It’s really simple. Until next time…Ciao!

January 10, 2013 Posted by | Online Dating, Relationships | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Uhhh…NEXT PLEASE!!!!

Why do people tend to invest more time on love interests than they are worth? I am finished with feeling like an afterthought of someone that should feel honored to earn any of my precious time. Ladies and gentlemen: You should feel the same too!

There is this man that I went on a date with a while back. He came on VERY strong. Sending me flowers and writing notes to me about how how special and rare I was, you know your usual blah blah blah. I thought it was all very romantic but we were not serious and I was actually interested in someone else at the time. (No I am not a player-I’m actually almost always the playee.) So he asks me to go out this weekend. I tell him yes because I am no longer interested in anyone else and would like to give him a chance. However, he hasn’t called me or communicated with me in over a week. Now I am NOT your needy type of woman but I am seeking a man that at least says hello once in a while. In fact, since I am all about honesty, I want a man to say hello to me EVERY morning. Even if its only a text. If you are serious about getting some of my valuable time, you should make some effort. I’m just saying…

Well buddy….I am not going to be available for anyone who doesn’t make an effort to see me. When I dwell on the meaningful relationships in my life, (yeah so what there have only been two-no judging!) I can tell you both men went out of their way to spend time with me. Now here’s the ironic part….

I DON’T want a guy up in my face 24 hours a day!!!! I just want to feel important to him. A good morning, a good night, some real dates-ya know stuff like that. I am a very busy woman. Yet I am digressing again. The moral of this tangent…yes there is a moral…is to stop wasting time on people who do not value you. I am practicing what I preach. Wanna know how???

Well…..I cancelled my date with that guy and replaced him with another man that has been expressing interest. So I think there are two morals… 1. Ladies/Men do not continue to date someone who doesn’t make an effort-you’re awesome. 2. If you do not make an effort with the person you are dating..watch out…because someone else will. Until next time, all I have to say is….

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December 13, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice, Mistakes, Uncategorized, Women Advice | , , , , , , | 6 Comments

I just met you…and this is crazy…

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But here’s my ring…marry my baby! Okay I am not a song writer but I just have to talk about the time I went on a date and the man was planning our future-starting with…..the wedding! Actually this has happened to me on two occasions with different men but for the purposes of this post, I will stick with one experience.

I met a guy online that seemed great! We did everything right. We started by chatting online, moved on to talking on the phone almost every night and he even went to church!!! (That’s a big plus for me.) So we decide to meet. He takes me to a nice restaurant and stares at me strangely the whole time. This guy was HUGE and by huge I mean built like a UFC fighter! Needless to say his intense stare made me nervous. However, I decide even majorly buff guys can get flustered so I continue on the date. (Anyone else ever had a date so bad they slipped out by using the old I need to use the restroom move?? Come on..I know you have but we’ll talk later.) After dinner, we decided to go grab drinks.

He took me to a small bar-which I don’t mind-and it became clear he knew everyone there. Actually, knowing everyone there is an understatement. It was his best friend since grade schools bar and all of his childhood friends were there. I am now feeling like he is introducing me to his best friends on the first date. Awkward-right? Why yes it is! The first thing that happens is one of his friends saunters up to me and spends 30 minutes trying to convince me this guy was a great catch. Okay, okay I think it’s kinda cute that his friends are selling him. Slowly the date moves from awkward to bad.

My date turns to me and tells me he would like us to marry in the fall. I laugh out loud like this is a joke. Then he tells me that the first thing he will do is buy me a new car. (I’m growing offended.) My date proceeds to inform me that once we are married I will quit my job to run a business with him because he can tell I am good at business. (Now my “saratude” is starting to kick in.) Who does this joker think he is? I have taken care of myself for quite a while and am not about to have some clown start planning my future. On the first date? What the what??? If he thinks I am just looking for a paycheck or a sugar daddy-he’s got the wrong gal. I’m looking for a partner not a dictator.

I turn to him and say, “I think you need to relax buddy.” He blushed and told me okay. As the night continued I discovered that he is only interested in meeting a girl he can marry. Duh-right? I finished as quickly as possible and left without making a scene. I can’t help but see irony in this.

Isn’t it ironic that men I date (especially online) usually go one of two ways? I have found that some men want an instant relationship-as in just add water and LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME. Other men don’t seem to even want to try to have a relationship that is real. Can I get something in the middle please? Is it just me or does anyone else ever feel like the last normal person standing?

December 6, 2012 Posted by | First Dates, Mistakes, Online Dating, Women Advice | , , , , | 3 Comments

Worlds Quickest Relationship- FAIL

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HELL HATH NO FURY…..

Most people who know me understand my pattern. I date the same guy once or twice and then discover the major flaw that allows me to stop and move on.  This practice allows me to date 2-3 guys at once very casually as I try to discover who might be the one guy I click with. I am NOT using these men – I can buy my own meal. I just want to find the right guy and I figure why waste anyone’s time on Mr. Wrong.  Finally, I met a guy that made it past the third date.  However, my overprotective friends had many questions .

One special friend in particular wanted to know what he did for a living (he traveled a lot.) I did not think too much of his job because – hey I am one busy gal myself.  Although my friend persisted that he was not who he claimed to be. During this time frame the man asked me to date him exclusively. Actually, that is putting it mildly, he gave me an ultimatum. The ultimatum did not offend me because he really did make a strong argument and I thought his reasoning was logical and fair. Also, I actually liked him.  I agreed with him and immediately ceased conversations with other men.  Yet my friend remained skeptical.

My friend dubiously posted a fake online profile up on the dating site I met him at. (hint ladies and gentlemen-if you want to date someone exclusively, take your online dating profile down.) She used another friends pictures and lured him into a trap online. Well Romeo fell for it and not only took the bait but initiated it!

Now because this is my blog and one thing I stand for is honesty, I must admit I cried a little-like a punk.  I was stunned and embarrassed. I mean why did he ask if he was still dating? What’s the point? I still don’t entirely understand. WAIT!!! I still didn’t tell you the best part! He asked me on a Friday and this happened the very next day!! Let’s count together: Friday – Saturday = A ONE day relationship! Hold your applause and stand back ladies……the award for the shortest relationship is ALL MINE…….

How did I react you ask? I reacted like all sweet, well behaved girls do. I cursed him out and deleted his information….derrrr

December 5, 2012 Posted by | Mistakes | , , | 2 Comments