Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Life’s About Game Changers

I am feeling rather deep tonight. The anniversary of the death of the father of my children, my husband of 13 years and my high school sweetheart is coming up. No I was not in love with him when he died. That does not mean I did not love him. You can’t stop loving someone you’ve known that long or have experienced that much with. (So I am not mourning in the same manner a widow would.) I am reminiscing.  I had a relative of his tell me tonight that I am one of the strongest women he has ever met and how much he admires me.

First off, um no I did not pay him. (yeah some of you went there.) I was actually touched and told him no I am not strong. I am resilient. I survive and I continue. Kinda like the bushes in my backyard that I didn’t water for a year and just came back to life. Boy howdy I am derailing again. I’m such a girl. This got me thinking of game changers in our life. I have had many so far.

Although I am older than some of my followers and younger than others, I know there will be more to come in my life. A Game Changer is something that happens to you that profoundly changes who you are. (Hopefully it is a change for the better but perhaps that’s not always the case.) For example, I had a very traumatic experience (actually I had many) but one incident stands out  that forever changed my viewpoint on life. I discovered at 8 that the world is not a safe place and parents will not always protect you even if you are a good girl and even if you say your prayers every night. This didn’t make me a worse or a better person..it just..changed me. This was my first game changer. My second was a little happier.

I gave birth to a son at 20. GAME CHANGER! I will never forget them bringing him into my hospital room in his little bassinet and…leaving him with me! I panicked! What am I supposed to do if he cries? Um I didn’t even take homec. Um I don’t even think I spelled it right just now. Obviously I discovered that babies are a lot tougher than they look. I only dropped him a few times. (I keed I keed) Actually the game changer for me with this was realizing all I really wanted for that baby is for him to have a better childhood than I had. I wanted him to always know he came first and to really put him first. All of my selfish motives flew out the window the second I looked into his eyes. “This is real. I may not be ready but this is real.” So that’s what I did. I started at a very low spot in an office and worked my way up to management. More importantly, I tell that kid (and his brother that followed) I love him at least 10 times a day. When all is said and done, my boy’s  know I have their back. I never knew how to give that much to anyone until I became a mother. That baby that was wheeled into my room at 20 made me a better person. Game changer number three was rougher.

I dreamed of being married like 60,000 years. Okay maybe not that long but a nice long time with lots of grand babies and a cranky old husband. (Don’t judge my dream. I’m a simple woman by nature.) It didn’t happen. I married the life of the party and one day the party ended. One day I realized I can’t do this anymore. One day I realized I didn’t even like the man he became. That same day I realized I don’t want my sons to think that being like him was acceptable. I was sitting at the table and eating dinner with a man I couldn’t stand. I’m so so sorry but it’s true. In a strange way I snapped. (There’s more to the story but ya get my drift.) I realized I needed to find a way out because this was slowly killing me. Game Changer. Just like that all of my dreams came crashing down. I was in a bad situation and no amount of pretending was going to make it otherwise. It took courage I never knew I had to stand up to him but I did it. The most recent Game Changer is perhaps the most profound yet.

So then that same man died. I wish I could say he died in a car wreck. (If you find that crude I am sorry) My heart breaks for car wreck victims. He died senselessly and violently and in a way that embarrassed his family. It left us all scratching our heads and wondering why. It changed the way I looked at life forever. Sometimes, he was a jerk but he had this HUGE spirit. To think of him being gone forever is still hard to believe. Such charisma and such potential and such a waste. To tell my children their father was gone was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do..I mean ever. There were also things I should have said. There were things I wish he knew. The story of him is over for now. No more chances. Game Changer. As I said this was the most profound. I no longer look at problems the same. There are problems and there are “PROBLEMS.” I really started thinking about this when I found out my office is being closed. Yeah consolidated..as in no more LV office after next week. I am worried. I am a single mom and need to provide. The fact that I didn’t positively break down in a panic says a lot. It’s just not the end of the world. There are worse things. So how does this apply to dating?

Well you see we all have this baggage or maybe I should say this series of game changers in our lives. If anyone tells you they are “drama free” they are living under a rock or lying. It’s just not possible. Life is drama. What is possible my friends is to take those game changers and make something positive out of them. I think I talk about this a lot but..please do not let those game changers prevent you from moving forward in life. Life is still good and you won’t meet anyone worth knowing if you do not continue to move forward and stop looking backwards. Until next time..Ciao!

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May 1, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth | , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

What I’ve Learned While Being Single

I read somewhere once that you discover who you really are while being single. I think that makes a lot of sense. You see when you have never really been alone, you do not really have a way to truly gauge what you prefer as an individual. Once this is defined (in my humble opinion) you have a much better chance of creating a long-term relationship that lasts. So…I’ve been thinking about this lately.

I have lived alone almost three years now. Prior to that I had never lived alone. I moved out during my senior year of high school (grateful to escape) with my high school sweetheart and never looked back. Then after lots of broken promises and painful experiences, I decided to choose happiness. I chose to be alone and rebuild myself in the hopes of finding a REAL partnership down the road.  At first, I was scared. (Not scared of paying bills but scared of every sound outside the house and every noise the house made.) Then….I loved it! I mean I can dance until 10:30pm at night, use both sinks in the bathroom, and all of the closet space is mine! Now enough time has passed that I am adjusted. So what have I discovered about myself?

  • I do not like living alone. I do not NEED a MAN, but I don’t like being alone all the time. I would give up the closet space for the right person (right person..not just anyone.)
  • I crave intimacy more than sex (yeah I said sex dude.) I really never knew that about myself.
  • I have a strong inner child. I let her out all the time. (I play laser tag and roll down grassy hills while my kids laugh.) I forgot about that while married because my spouse was always trying to control me.
  • I am capable of learning to fix things. I am capable.
  • I still REFUSE to kill a bug. Oh and I run screaming from then like a sissy la la (yeah guess I am not that capable.)
  • Although for my age my number of partners is very small, I am a highly sensual woman. I never knew that while married. (um not because of marriage itself but because I was in a bad one…for the record.) 

I think the biggest thing I discovered about myself is that I do not like being alone. I am not ashamed to admit it. I would like to qualify that with the fact I did not run out and settle for just any guy. I think I’ve set some boundaries and stuck by them. Hence, I am still living alone. I never thought I would be the type of woman to feel that way. I am so strong and independent by nature. I really want someone to talk to at night and someone to hug me when I had a hard day at work. Geesh…it’s like I turned into a pansy. Ah well…be true to oneself I always say. So what’s my lesson? (yeah there is one) If you are jumping from one relationship to another, you may need a break. Sometimes the best way to discover what you really need is through solitude. A man/woman doesn’t define you..he/she is supposed to compliment you. We need to know who we are first in order to find something meaningful with someone else.

Until next time….ciao!

April 21, 2013 Posted by | Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Let Your Crazy Out!

Oh My Oh My..I only took a couple of Psychology classes in college but I had a field day with this. The message below screams “Help Get Me Some Meds” (Oh and I’m not being mean, I’m being serious.) This pearl of a man sent me a message last week about how he was in bed with his two snakes and three dogs. (Yeah I know..I kinda don’t need to say much else-right?) MY FIRST mistake was not blocking him but I don’t really date a lot right now (I’m trying to just get to know one person at a time and follow my own advice..yeah that’s how I roll..boom) so I didn’t bother. Tonight this homeboy let his crazy out! crazyman-01

I wonder how u make so much money 
U may have to work ure ass off for that? I come from the other side….I try mostly just to serve only myself…it offends me to serve other people….I used to work at Kentucky fried chicken as a dishwasher…..it was a good job I enjoyed some of it allot… 
It kept me in good shape working there…..but sometimes id get customers that would annoy me sometimes even spooky ones 
So ive become a bum who just stays at home….I try to listen to noone…..but it has started to work against my best wishes…. 
I used to love having all the time in the world…. 
But I have lost control of my mind….so its not the same anymore 
Im getting old and senile…..I value my family and my animals who r very close to me…..my mind is broken…it doesnt work like it used to….I dont know why u wont write me…..maybe u thought I am a psychotic asshole piece of shit….. 
I didnt mean to make u feel that way 
I dont take this site dead serious all the time…. 
I spend so much time alone…its hard for me to see these date sites as nothing much more than a self entertainment 
if u rnt a lonely kind of person…u may not understand how that can be like……I can even be lonely with allot of people around because sometimes I dont feel connected to anyone

I won’t even begin to address the spelling errors. (Horrible grammar bugs the hell outta me-just sayin) However, I’m sorry Mister-I really am. I do know what it feels like to be lonely. I feel that way often. However, I DON’T know….how it feels to be crazy. (At least I don’t think I do!) So my lesson to you today folks is: Beware of the crazies online pretty effin’ obvious right? Oh and to my crazy friends: Hide your crazy-don’t let it out like this to strangers. (It may get you in trouble.) 

Until next time.. Ciao

February 20, 2013 Posted by | Online Dating, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

No More Serial Dating I’m Waiting

Well..I am not saying I am boycotting dating. I still want to find some to spend my life with. BUT…I had an epiphany in church. Yes we have churches in Las Vegas. (I so know you were wondering.) I keep focusing on finding “the ONE.” Ironically, I really thought I found him but he turned out to not be “the ONE.” If he was “the ONE” I wouldn’t be writing this. Ooops-I am digressing again. The point is I have spent a lot of energy fearing I will be alone or even worse that I will have to continue to prowl the dating scene forever. In fact…my deepest darkest fear is that the only man that ever really wanted to share a life with me is now dead. But that’s another story entirely. Now where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about my epiphany at church.

Google the word Epiphany for images and 99% of what you find will be about GOD. Kinda interesting to me..Just sayin..

epiphany

The series at my church is on relationships and the sermon was about Ruth. I can relate to Ruth. She took care of her Mother in Law after her husband died. She was WAY better than me. Ruth worked in the fields to keep food on the table and although she was young and described as pretty, she had an amazing character. She put her family’s needs above her own. (Meaning instead of trying to hook “the ONE” Ruth focused on what GOD expected of her.) What happened? God gave her a rich, nice, and caring husband.  I would honestly settle for a non-crazy one with a job that adored me-he doesn’t have to be rich. Now look-I am not trying to get all preachy on you. I am sharing what gave me my change of heart and what gave me comfort in being single. I do believe and I am not ashamed of that. I am just way too easy going to ever try to force my beliefs down someone else’s throat. However, when my ENTIRE world fell apart-**TWICE** my belief in GOD is what pulled me through. I am very grateful for that. In fact, I am not eloquent enough to do this justice. Let me try a different tactic.

I can’t find the one. There is no other half. 50% x 50% = .25%. You do the math. I need a partner but until then I need to live. I started becoming so obsessed with dating that I am no better than the players I complain about. Perhaps my blog should be titled “How to be Single in Las Vegas.”  But I am also WAAAAY to lazy to change it. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to date. BUT…I am going to focus on other stuff first. Someone once told me about a woman who said she was married to Jesus. Now I am down with J.C. but when I heard that I was like, “Wow she’s not having any sex.” Yeah I know, that’s probably not nice. Ironically, I understand what she meant now. I am not saying I am married to J.C. but I am certainly not having any sex. (heeheeheehee) Sorry-sometimes I am very immature for my age. I think that woman meant that she is putting GOD’S needs first. I like that. It takes the pressure off of me. My lesson for today??? Dating is not a necessity. Being single does not make you a sub-class citizen. Yes we are pack animals by nature but focus on being the best YOU you can be. Keep trying but stop worrying. The rest will work itself out. Until next time…Ciao!

January 28, 2013 Posted by | Mistakes, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

He’s just not that into you

As I struggle to date in a city filled with shallow people and fake men (not all, just the ones I seem to attract), I’d like to share some insight I discovered while watching this movie. He’s Just Not That Into You  had me laughing my butt off. To keep it real-one part Gigi said stood out and really drove home a point I needed to hear….

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/quotes?qt=qt0517495

We are taught that! WHERE’S MY HAPPY ENDING??-right? It can’t possibly be on POF or OKCupid-can it?  I started thinking about happy endings. I am a big advocate of them. However, maybe in real life the happy ending doesn’t include two people living happily ever after. Maybe it really is the freedom to find something better. The entire discussion about “exceptions” also stood out.

Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we’re not the exception we’re the rule. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/quotes?qt=qt0517682

The romantic side of me freely admits that I dream of being an exception. Although I am pretty awesome, I am realizing that I am almost certainly the rule. So maybe this means the man I waited on to want to commit wasn’t going to wake up and have a change of heart. I know I know-derr right? I am the rule. But noooo..I couldn’t learn this the easy way. I let him back in-against everyone’s advice. I mean he claimed to really love me, he knows I want a married life with someone I truly love. I truly loved him. What’s the big effin deal? I had a friend who left her boyfriend because he wouldn’t commit after two years and he missed her so much that he realized he must be with her forever and now they are married-so it could happen. REALITY check…that “friend” I am referring to is the exception. I am the rule. (If he doesn’t want to commit to you he aint ever gonna) I am the rule for him.  He’s just not that into me.  But man someday, someone might make me an exception-right?

Of all the things I contemplated during the movie it was:  If a man wants to be with you, he will make it happen-period. I am sooooo guilty of making excuses for someone. The truth is that guy was just not that into me. Shocking really cuz I think I rock! I understand some of you might be thinking, “Geesh Sara this is just a movie.” I know! The point isn’t that I am taking relationship advice from a movie. (Work with me people.) The moral behind that is perhaps we really do get so caught up in looking for a hidden meaning that we don’t read the signs correctly. I got so caught up in little, nice things this man did for me that I missed all the MAJOR signs that really should have seen before

I love men. I am not a hater of the opposite gender. I just think women (some not all) are notorious for over-analyzing men’s intentions. The reality check I just had: It’s really not that hard. If a man wants you, he will make it known. Oh Snap! I get it-I really do. Maybe I helped someone else too. I will never ever make the same mistake again. Don’t worry-I WILL make other mistakes.

Until next time…Ciao

January 20, 2013 Posted by | Mistakes, Relationships, Uncategorized, Women Advice | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Who am I?

I am the one you ignored for weaker versions

I am the one you desperately wish you had now that I am gone

I am the one that supports herself and everyone around her

I am the one you assumed would always be there

I am the one that follows her heart

I am overlooked

I am misunderstood

I am underestimated

I get taken for granted

I am a warrior

I am brave

I am intimidating

I am beautiful

I am passionate

I am alone

I am resilient

I am the one left holding all the pieces together

I only cry when no one’s watching

I am the one that always smiles

I am the one that got away

I am the one you miss

Who am I?

I am a strong woman

December 30, 2012 Posted by | Relationships | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Um….I’m Okay….really

I know that the holidays are here. I know that it can be hard to be alone. I know that everyone gets lonely. I just want to tell people today that it’s okay to be alone sometimes. I say this because I have had a couple of humiliating (or what could have been) experiences lately.

About a week ago, I was at my hairdresser. All of the women were chatting as we tend to do at a beauty salon. One woman states, “I think everyone should be married.” I am amused because that’s a really broad statement. I mean some people don’t want to be married. Derr.. However, I just smile my normal smile. This same woman turns to me and asks me if I’m married. I tell her no I am not. She then states, “Yeah but you’re living with someone-right?” I reply with a no. She then asks, “Yeah but you have a boyfriend-right?” Well DANG DOG! At this point I’m glad I am a relatively confident woman because this stings a little. The woman was obviously embarrassed and thankfully shut up.

Today I am speaking with one of my favorite people (a male friend.) He is telling me all about his new relationship and how the kids are bonding and they are getting ready to move on to the next step in the relationship. This is all gravy for me. I am truly the kind of person that would never begrudge a friend happiness no matter what my status is, I love him and want him to be happy. He deserves it. However, at the end of convo he gets all awkward and is like..”How is your…um…dating stuff going?” LOL! Bless him-really bless him, I let him know I am okay. I am not in a rush. My time will come, blah blah blah.

Why did I write this? Mainly because I am okay. Also, because if it helps even one person out from feeling lonely this holiday season then I have done a good deed. Remember, where you are now is NOT where you will be in the near future. Everything that happens in life leads to something ever better. Don’t compromise what you need in order to not be alone. I’m okay and you’re okay-lol!  Until next time…

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December 9, 2012 Posted by | Men Advice, Mistakes, Uncategorized, Women Advice | , , , , , | 2 Comments