Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Needing Love

One of the sweetest women I have ever known in my entire life killed herself recently.  She was bubbly, friendly and no one saw it coming. What no one realized is how miserable she was. My dear friend always desperately wanted acceptance and the love of a man.  As a result, she didn’t always qualify the men or have great standards.  Men did not treat her the way she deserved. How anyone could not see the beauty that resided in her soul and cherish it is beyond me. That woman exhibited pure joy since she was 9.  She left behind four children.

This inspired me to contemplate what it means to need love. Actually, to need love so badly that you would die over it. (yeah..I’m going all deep tonight but it’s my blog yo.) As a little girl, I dreamed of a husband and lots of kids and growing old with someone.  Truth be told, I jumped right at it by marrying my high school sweetheart. Somewhere into the third year of my 13 year marriage, I realized that the idea of that is silly. Marriage is compromise. Marriage is hard work. Sometimes, that love is not reciprocated. I actually resigned myself into pretending and while I loved that man until the day he died, I was not in love with him for a good ten years of my marriage. I still had a family unit and if I worked hard enough, was responsible enough and strong enough…it would all work out. Okay…epic fail there. I blew that one big time. Why do I even bring it up?

I mention it because I didn’t get my dream either. I refuse to dwell on its absence. I really really wanted that damn simple dream of a family that I had as a little girl it but heck..I can’t change that. I will not spend my life upset over it when I have so much to be grateful for. All my friend wanted was a level of commitment and love and she just went miserable when she couldn’t find it. The absence of that was a constant pressure in her life.  You must accept who and where you are in life regardless of where you wish you were. That’s hard advice to follow…but I try.

Moral: I have several tonight.

1. I think the key is choosing to be happy with what you have. Not yearning for what you don’t have. I think dwelling on the absence of love/money/marriage/whatever in your life leads to bitterness.

2. Love can’t fix you. The void has to be filled before anything healthy can enter your life. I can’t stress that enough. Work on being the best you possible and then love will come.

3. Please do not seek a permanent solution to a temporary situation. There is nothing in life that is so horribly permanent that you should choose death. EVERYTHING is temporary. When I look back at every dark spot in my life, it has always passed. Life is beautiful and tragic at the same time with points of brilliant light and bleak darkness intertwined throughout. Some days just focus on breathing and other days we will remember why life is such a precious gift. The clock is still running. Stay in the game…please.

RIP my sweet childhood friend.

Until Next Time…Ciao

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February 25, 2014 - Posted by | grief, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , ,

6 Comments »

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your friend ❤ What a beautiful post.

    Comment by ForTheLoveOfSass | February 25, 2014 | Reply

    • Yeah me too. It really was such a tragedy. Thank you for reading.

      Comment by datinginvegas | February 25, 2014 | Reply

  2. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I’ve felt exactly like her at one stage..until I learnt that there is no greater Love (next to God’s) than the Love that shines within. It’s so important to teach each other about the importance of loving ourselves. Too often we depend on validation from outside to feel whole. It’s heartbreaking. Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers. I know she is safe and VERY loved where she is. Thank you for a great post. 🙂

    Comment by dingdongitsmrwrong | February 25, 2014 | Reply

    • So many of us seek that validation when it only perpetuates our pain. I totally agree with your comment on teaching others the importance of self love. We must love ourselves first. (GOD loves us always.) Thanks for sharing.

      Comment by datinginvegas | February 25, 2014 | Reply

  3. Suicide is not a choice. People need to educate themselves before condemning the act of those who have a chemical imbalance and/or undiagnosed mental illness. The saying ” suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation” is just a quote made famous by some quasi Freudian person who has never understood the complexities of suicide. Depression is NOT temporary for those who must endure it. The brain can get sick like the liver, heart, kidneys…it is part of the body and the poor “choices” of a sick mind are misunderstood by a society in denial of all that is scientifically proven through brain imaging and newer techniques in research. Please honor your friend’s death by becoming acquainted with all the facets of this very misunderstood disease and why people hide it. There are no pat answers or there would be many more people alive. I wish my son and your friend would have been able to be the victors over a mental state that took them away from those who did love them.

    Comment by lensgirl53 | February 26, 2014 | Reply

    • I am so sorry for your loss. I DO honor my friend. However, she CHOSE to die. I am very familiar with depression and I do believe it can be a disease but I will always believe my friend found a permanent solution to temporary problems. (Freud had nothing to do with that phrase.) I do not know what situation your son was in…but I am sorry. I will always love her but she sat down and wrote a note, took too many pills and was found by her children. That is a choice. However, I can’t begin to think of the amount of pain she must have been in to make that choice. She was an excellent mother…she had to have been really suffering. You are right, more people should recognize depression in this country. In a small way, I feel like I really let her down. No one recognized the pain she was in.

      Comment by datinginvegas | February 26, 2014 | Reply


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