Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Holiday Blues

This year I am in a different place than I was last year. Last year the death of my sons’ father was fresh. The shock of it all still heavy on my heart. While I still cry tears occasionally at night over his premature death, everyone in our family is slowly and surely adjusting. Last year I was really alone and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other while pretending I had it all together. I literally just prayed for the season to end.  I dated, but I dated poorly and with a timidity and naivety that drew bad men and dangerous situations to me. I actually started this blog during the holiday season and I swear it saved me from myself. It helped me push through a sad and lonely time. I realized around this time last year that I do not need anyone. I may want someone, but I do not NEED anyone but myself and GOD to be happy. This year is much better but I am still blue. I know this is a happy time of year.

It should be full of love and family time and eating pie..I mean who doesn’t like all those carbs floating around? I feel at such a loss this time of year and I must admit I feel alone. I think maybe in a past life I had a huge family and the sense of being alone is amplified by the latent memories of what I once had? Maybe? I have no idea.  It’s not like I used to have these great childhood holidays. My holidays were filled with disappointment. In fact, I am so fortunate now. I am in such a safer and happier place than I was as a child. I really have nothing to be so sad about. Why do I and so many feel so blue during a celebratory time of the year? Well my friends I do not have an answer. I suspect the answer is different for everyone. I’ve been searching my feelings all week since the sadness hit me. I hate being a whiner. However, my conclusion is that I just need security and stability. It has been such a rough two years. Such an emotional era of my life and during a point in my life where I have to be the one everyone leans on. There’s been no one for me to really lean on and that’s cool…but I’m tired now. I need an era of stability. My soul is craving security and stability. Everything has been outside of my comfort zone. I need some dang comfort. I’m tired of being in unfamiliar water.  I’m tired of being the strong one and I am tired of being tired.  Now I am tired of complaining about it in this post. Ha! Do I have a point in this long rant??? Why yes I do..thank you for asking.

loneliness

Moral: Just because you are lonely doesn’t mean you should let it affect your decisions. I am writing this for friends that will never read it and for friends I have not met that I hope can relate. I personally know two people right now that are making desperate romantic decisions based on their need to have someone. I think it is due to this time of year. Please do not let the holidays do that. You are okay alone. I wrote something comparable last year. Last year I was a hot mess during the holidays. I was grief-stricken and in shock and I still managed to not settle for just any man..no matter how tempted I was. This year, I have met someone who really matters to me. Amidst all the chaos of the last two years…I have found myself really caring about someone again. Before I found him, I had to find my smile all by myself. Where we are at right now is just a season. Nothing else. It will pass. Remember..you’re okay alone and it’s okay to feel sad even if you’re not alone. Sometimes, real strength comes from endurance..not in victory.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

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November 26, 2013 - Posted by | Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

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