Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

The Art of Winning

Do you know anyone who just can’t lose? They CAN NOT give up on an argument. It may go something like this:

Person 1: I can’t believe you’re upset over the fact I said you were fat. I told you I think you’re great.

Person 2: Why would you think it’s not wrong to insult me?

Person 1: I just said you were bigger than you used to be. Why am I punished for being honest?

Person 2: I never asked for you to tell me what your thoughts were on my weight.

Person 1: This is ridiculous. I am wrong for being honest.

This one is kinda obvious. Big effin derr you should not comment on someone’s size. (No this did not happen to me.  If it had, I would be writing this post from Clark County Jail due to Assault and Battery charges. I happen to have a squeaky clean criminal record.) I am using it as an example only…and yes it is extreme and obvious.  Many people think the art of winning in any real relationship is to be right. We have all made mistakes.  Perhaps you did not mean to hurt someone’s feelings. Perhaps you messed up. Perhaps you are the one who was truly right. I challenge you to think the situation through before you push for victory.

  • Are you really winning if the other party still feels hurt?
  • Does it matter more to prove a point than it does to resolve the situation? (If it does…rock on..but if you are the type of person that can’t EVER be wrong, you need a reality check.)
  • How important is it? (It may BE important. When I am really on a mission, I use my infamous single track mind to reach success. Do not back down if it is vital. However, if it will not affect me in the long run, if it does not push past a boundary I have set, if the other person’s feelings or happiness matter more…I can relent. I can give. I do not need to win every battle. My pride is not an issue when it comes to matters of the heart or even in matters of business strategy.)
  • Have you thought about it through the other person’s perspective? (Are you using compassion? Are you being fair? Are you overlooking the persons perspective?)
  • Please remember “winning” isn’t everything. It is only important when the issue REALLY matters..ie:boundary.

argument need to be right

So let’s rework the earlier argument.

Person 1: I can’t believe you’re upset over the fact I said you were bigger. I told you I think you’re great.

Person 2: Why would you think it’s not wrong to call me a name?

Person 1: I just said you were bigger than you used to be. I know it was not right to say. I apologize. I don’t know what I was thinking when I chose those words. 

Person 2: I never asked for you to tell me what your thoughts were on my weight.

Person 1: I understand, I really do.

At this point the conversation should be over.It is not good for either party to continue. Let.It.Go. The worst thing you can do is continue to hold it  against someone. In fact, I used to be very guilty of this. I try very hard to no longer bring up a partner or friends past mistakes. What good does it do?  I have found it to be counterproductive. Is it right to continuously punish someone for a mistake? No it is not. The art of winning is not only that you don’t always have to win. The second part is that just because you were wronged doesn’t mean that you can place the victory in your artillery chest to pull out for later. DO NOT go down this path my friends. If you are always throwing stuff in your partners face they will get tired of it. They will feel like they can never redeem themselves. We are human and therefore we are flawed. Forgiveness can be its own form of winning. So… Let.It.Go. As a bonus, it’s also really good for you too!

Advice for today? Sometimes it is better to resolve the situation. A relationship isn’t a scorecard. I will reiterate that you need to have boundaries in place…but sometimes winning doesn’t mean you win. Sometimes, you need to show understanding, love and support more than proving a point. Also, if you are wronged in a relationship, forgive and forget once resolution has been achieved. If we were repeatedly punished for every mistake we ever made, life would be rough yo. As long as it has been resolved, let it go. Grab the pain/hurt/anger and throw it out with the trash….cuz that’s where it belongs.

Until Next Time….Ciao!

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November 17, 2013 - Posted by | Personal Growth, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

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