Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Love and Marriage

Recently, my seven-year old son asked the man I am dating if he could become a new family member. Bless this man’s heart, he responded with, “First you would have to allow me to marry your mother.” My son looked him in the eyes and said, “Okay, you can marry my mom.” Oh.My.Goodness! I almost fell over! SHHHHH child…really? LOTS of thoughts raced through my mind at once.

  • Ummm did my son just offer me up?
  • Could this moment get any more awkward?
  • Am I a horrible mother for getting my son attached to this man?
  • How do I prepare my son for the possibility that he may not stay in our lives?
  • Should I just run and hide under my bed?

All I could do is change the subject. I apologized to my boyfriend and let him know that he’s 7 and has no filter. He just really likes him and wants him around. This morning, my 7-year-old asked where (insert name here) was and I told him he lived at his own house. My son said he wished he saw him more. Now I am feeling like DOG MEAT. My sons have been through so much. I may have made a huge mistake in my own selfish effort to not be alone.

A friend called me yesterday and I asked for his advice. I mistakenly asked for his advice. My friend lectured me on the fact that if the man I am seeing is not willing to commit than I am being used and dating someone afraid of commitment. WHAT THE WHAT? I was hoping for advice on my son and how to handle it. Instead my friend told me that after 6 months, this guy should know what he wants from me. Then he started grilling me. Have you had a talk about the future? (Um kinda..at least I’ve stated what I want in my future) Do you think it’s funny that he is almost 40 and never been married? (No not really) When are you going to tell him what you are looking for? (Who are you to tell me what I am looking for buddy?) Has he stated how he felt about you? (Yes..He loves me and with the way things are going now, he sees a future but it is too soon.) You do realize that he can’t enjoy the benefits of marriage without the commitment..don’t you? (WAIT a second. We are not shacking. We are just dating. Who said we were acting married? What are YOU smoking?)

This stemmed a long conversation about how you HAVE to know by now. I HAVE to know and he HAS to know. Otherwise, it is a game and I am being used. Well…it really hasn’t been THAT long..ya know…and REALLY this whole conversation started over my guilt about my youngest son. When my boyfriend tells me that as of “now” he sees a future, he is clearly not ready. I never even thought about it until this entire debate with my friend started. I am NEVER going to mention marriage EVER again to someone I date like I did with my ex. I had the “talk” with me ex. I explained how I didn’t  want the kids attached and that’s why I don’t let him over a lot. My exes response was hilarious (now it’s hilarious..it really pissed me off at the time.) My ex said, “Are you looking for me to take on you and the kids?” (Take on? Say what sucka? Like we need help financially..um cuz we don’t, we get along just fine financially all by ourselves.. or we are some type of heavy baggage..I was shocked.) I discovered that you just don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear an answer to. Ironically by the time he was ready to commit there had been so many insinuations that me and my children were a burden, I had already decided that I did not really want to marry someone what viewed my family that way. Ironic huh? 

I told my friend there is no way that will happen again. Hell, I want to marry someone who really wants me and that I don’t have to worry about how he feels. My kids freaking rock and that’s how I want the man I marry to feel.  I hate time stamping anything but I will not wait around for a man to be sure forever…BUT is 7.5 months really that long? My friends whole point is that my boyfriend should be sure now. Finally, I stopped the conversation. I told him I was sick of talking about my love life. Why don’t we talk about his? That shut him the hell up. heehee…I like it when I am savvy and mature.

MORAL??? Well I have asked a few people about this magical and mystical 6 month mark. Ironically…they agreed! The jury is still out for me on that one. I mean who can put a time frame on something? I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t wish there was a magical number…because I kinda do. Although, I believe with my entire heart that GOD knows best. It’s HIS plan, not mine. I will say that if it doesn’t work out, I am not bringing another man into their lives for a long long time.  I can’t be the kind of mom that keeps getting them attached to men. My little guy is just sooooo in love with my boyfriend and even my teenager really admires him. I have seen him put his guard down and trust my boyfriend and that is saying something after the tragedy. I can’t keep doing it to them. What can I say?? I just have a feeling about this one and have almost since I met him. That’s why I let him in so fast. If it doesn’t work, I clearly can’t trust my own judgement. I can’t break my kids heart over and over so I won’t be alone.  I know people come and go. I’m a big girl who has discovered people can leave.  It’s the kids I gotta think about.  If you are a single parent dating I caution you to be careful too. You deserve to find love but….just be aware.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

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October 31, 2013 - Posted by | Personal Growth, Relationships, Single Parents, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. I hate asking others for advice sometimes! You cannot put a time frame on relationships! They’re all different.

    Comment by Audrey | November 6, 2013 | Reply

    • Yes I agree but sometimes I feel like I need a different perspective or a male perspective. I think the time frame issue is crazy. What really happens when you start to get older is you get more fearful of waiting around forever. What happens if in 2 years I am still waiting for a commitment? Then I have to leave and start over. That’s two years of my life I just gave up! So then we start worrying about things we can’t control. I try very hard not to do that…lol..and wow I never thought I’d ever describe myself as getting older..sucks 🙂

      Comment by datinginvegas | November 6, 2013 | Reply


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