Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

What’s Your Love Language?

5 love languages

We all interpret love through different ways. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a must read if you are looking to expand that type of  knowledge.  For example, you could be with someone who needs words of affirmation and your normal method of expressing love is through gift giving.  This could lead to a hot mess if you’re not careful. Learning about the five love languages is an excellent way to discover how your significant other feels love and possibly improve your relationship through understanding. Below are the five languages the author refers to.

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

I took the test and was not surprised by my primary love language (Acts of Service.) This means I feel most loved when people are helping me. This did not shock me. I feel loved when my significant other demonstrates acts of service. (Ironic that it has always been so hard for me to ASK for help..but that’s another story.)This could mean with a project, fixing a chair or helping me with errands. However, it doesn’t have to be a household repair. It can even be as simple as someone thinking of me first and remembering to include me. The key to making me feel loved (yes I am using me as an example in order to illustrate) is simple. However, if someone breaks a promise or doesn’t help or helps others but never me-I take it twice as hard as most people because it is my primary love language. If I need acts of service to feel loved and the reverse is given….I feel…drum roll please…..unloved. No amount of “I love you’s” will change that. I am enlightened enough to already know this about myself. Too many people can say they love you. I’m on the lookout for the ones who show it when it counts most.  Although, I was surprised by my secondary love  language-Quality Time.

I was shocked because it kind of shatters the illusion of my oh so independent nature. I have several hobbies and I work full-time and I am raising two children. However, when I think about it, I do feel loved when someone wants to spend time with me. The key for me is not quantity per se.  The key is QUALITY. I need focused attention…err sometimes.  This means when I feel ignored, I feel unloved. This also means when someone genuinely shows interest in my day/experience/life on a consistent basis, I feel loved. People who need quality time aren’t always about having every free moment with someone. It’s about that person taking the time to inquire about that person..to listen and to offer support. I am always irritated by someone who never bothers to ask me anything. How can I share my life with someone if they never SHOW me they care enough to ask? I immediately interpret it as a lack of interest and feel…..drum roll……unloved.  I scored the lowest on Gift Receiving. I like gifts! However, I do not need them to feel loved. Although, this is not to dismiss other people’s need for a gift to feel loved. Perhaps this person does not need something as serious as a new car (not everyone in this category is a gold digger.) Maybe that person needs a small token of being thought of-flowers, romantic card, etc.  Now HERE’S the tricky part in a relationship.

Moral: A relationship isn’t just about YOU or ME. (I know, I know…crazy right???) A real relationship is about the other person too. If you are in a relationship, try to think about what the OTHER person needs in order to feel loved. Do you love her/him? If so..make an effort to figure it out. Communication is not just about complaining, it is about talking and learning and discovering. Ask questions and do not assume you have them figured out. I guarantee you…you aint that smart..none of us are. These are the hard tasks of a healthy relationship. If the communication is successful, it is well worth the investment. To not care about the other partners needs is to create resentment and the eventual demise of the relationship. Trust me..been there, done that. 

****DISCLAIMER: This is all my humble opinion. If you think this is all a load of poop..okay. That’s your right. If you are in love with someone and facing challenges, I think it might be worth exploring.  What can it hurt? I’m not saying it’s the gospel truth. I am suggesting that it is worth reading. Take it for what it’s worth yo****

Until Next Time…I left the link to the authors website below. Check it out…maybe?  CIAO!

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/singles/

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October 23, 2013 - Posted by | Love, Personal Growth, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

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