Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

You’ve Changed

A dear friend paid me a huge compliment yesterday. She told me I am such a stronger and different person than I used to be? I asked her to explain. My friend replied with, “You have always been strong but ever since the tragedy, your whole outlook has shifted. Your priorities are different and your optimism is even better but at the same time you seem wiser.” (No I DID NOT pay her to say it. I know someone went there.) It’s ironic she said that. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different I feel.

I feel different in many ways. Damn do I feel different. I am longer afraid of putting my emotions out in the open. Life is short and I never want to let a moment pass without someone knowing how I feel. I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to take for granted one single second of my life.  If I had the money to pay off my student loans or travel to Europe, I would choose Europe hands down. Life is short. When I die I do not want to think:  I’ve never even been to New York City but at least my student loans were paid off. Life is just too precious. I don’t want to watch life, I want to live it. I never realized young people could die randomly. I never knew the selfish actions of one person could change everything. I guess I did but I never thought it could happen to me until someone close to me died.  I don’t view things the same way. My priorities ARE different. I can let things go easier.  I don’t care about conquering the world anymore. I care about living in it. Of course not all change is good.

I feel more exposed than I ever have. The vulnerability in me is so noticeable to me (maybe not to others) but I feel it profoundly because it’s never been there before. I feel more alone than I ever have. I never realized what a lack of family meant until I needed one to lean on.  I am very happy with my life. I am very blessed. I am not complaining. There just seems to be a weight that presses down on me from time to time as responsibilities I wasn’t prepared for make their appearance. I guess GOD figured I was prepared.  I do feel wiser but with that comes a fear of new loss I did not have before.  People can leave. People can die. Promises are broken. Things can change. People change.  So do I even have a moral?

Um yeah I do. The point isn’t to talk about poor Lil Sara. The point is that change is inevitable. It will happen whether we want it or not. No one will prepare us for it. If I can look back at my outlook on life 3/5/10 years ago it is all different.  Most of it is much much better.  There is freedom in change. There is beauty in the consistency of change. I encourage everyone to embrace the change instead of fighting it. Do not panic when it happens…instead ride it out. Please remember…where you are right now is not where you will be in 6 months or a year or five years. Life is a journey.  Make it a good one.

 

change-shark-poster

I am feeling deep tonight. I will leave you with his favorite bible verse. We shared it at his funeral.

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3 1-8

Until Next Time…Ciao!

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October 9, 2013 - Posted by | Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

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