Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Oh Snap! Reality Check!

I’ve been working on this post for two weeks! I was going to leave it in drafts to be honest but a good friend said something so profound to me that it brought tears to my eyes. I mean it almost made me cry..at work! It was like my second bitch slap of the month-from two different friends!

I can present myself any way I want on here.  I can even pretend that I’ve overcome all my baggage. The truth is I am pretty honest by nature. I usually wear my emotions right on my face. It’s a strength AND a weakness. I suck at poker. I have to focus very hard at work and in business to “rein” it in. I don’t play games with people because I CAN’T. I would never be able to pretend ANY emotion. I also see myself as honest with myself. I know I am annoying. I am like a BIG BALL of pure energy most times. I go and go and go and go. That can be annoying to people. I’m sorry if it annoys you. I pride myself on being independent and confident. BUT…Have you ever caught yourself lying to yourself? I recently did.

I am in a fairly new relationship. We have passed the “let’s court each other” phase and I can see that our true faces are showing. This phase of a relationship is hard. The initial infatuation is fading and something more solid is developing. Couples start fighting in this phase. Communication becomes very important. We have had a couple of fights. I don’t mind confrontation. I am okay with expressing myself. However, over the last couple of months I have been feeling needy.

At first I dismissed it as not getting enough quality time. (There may be some validity in that.) However, I am not used to feeling needy. I am not used to needing reassurance. I have not EVER needed it before. I did not even realize that this is why I am getting upset over certain things…until two weeks ago when I started this post. I was seeking advice and got the best advice ever. One of my dearest friends told me, “Sara, I see your point but I also see the problem. I don’t ever see you as needy but I think that is happening here. You have had two really bad experiences and you are uncertain about yourself. This is why you are needing to be reassured so much. It’s like you need the validation of him caring. You felt abandoned and you aren’t secure with any mans intentions. I know you’re not normally like this-because I know you so well-but he doesn’t. You took some pretty devastating blows over the last three years and I can see the scars. You’re sensitive right now because you were hurt but you need to just relax.”   She said more but oh SNAP did she call my number. I just realized why I’m feeling needy.  I am not worried about who he’s talking to, etc. I am not worried if he’s interested in me. I am seeking validation and I didn’t even realize it. WOW! I always thought I was my own form of validation. I have been lying to myself.  I am so happy to admit it.

Why am I happy to discover I am being needy? I am happy because I know the reason. Feeling an emotion and identifying its cause are two different things. If I’m going to make mistakes, I at least want to know what they are.  As I said earlier, I wasn’t going to finish this. I don’t want to come across as a Debbie Downer and I hope I’m not. I’M LEARNING! I’M GROWING! I’M STUPID..oops! heehee. I decided to write about it because that feeling is creeping up on me again. I don’t want to feel needy. I freaking can’t stand the feeling!  I decided to reach out to a friend that can relate to being alone and not liking it. He told me, “You loved someone for more than half of your life and he died. You loved one other person that you couldn’t count on. You are scared of getting too attached because you are scared of abandonment. Now some new man says he loves you. You’re worried he might abandon you too. This is why you suddenly need more security.” DANG DOG! As I said earlier, it brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to argue but I couldn’t. He spoke the truth. I think I can share a lesson with you.

What’s my moral? Do not lie to yourself. You are the first person you need to be honest to.  Personal growth doesn’t just come from reading books (although that certainly helps.) It comes from really looking at yourself and admitting what you see. Sometimes it takes facing it to learn to let go. I don’t know if I can let that fear go right now…but I’m trying and I’m praying. In the meantime, I can at least learn to hide it better.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

 

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August 28, 2013 Posted by | Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pride Leaves You Lonely

Sorry I haven’t posted in a minute. I’ve been busy living life. You know how it is..just a simple woman trying to not freak out in unfamiliar territory. However, I gotta share this email! This is another reader who is looking for advice that I can relate to. As usual, I got permission and made it anonymous as well as shorter-blah blah blah.

Dear Sara,

I am in a relationship with someone and I am getting mixed signals. Sometimes he calls me and reaches out to me frequently and sometimes he goes days with only random text messages. When I question him about it, he always throws it back that I didn’t call him either……He makes me feel like he goes days without thinking about me. I do call him but I don’t always want to be the one to initiate………What am I doing wrong? Or am I just wasting my time?

Sincerely,

Anonymous 

I had to cut out a lot of this email but the gist of it is that she feels like he only thinks of her when he’s bored or has nothing else to do. When she confronts him it becomes a pride issue for both parties. I can’t tell her or anyone else if you’re wasting time. I’m not you and I’m not him. I have to go with my gut feeling on this one. It seems like pride is in the way. I am going to wrap this little post up quickly with my advice.

Ladies: Do not allow any man to make you feel unimportant. If he doesn’t care enough to hear your voice or make a phone call…uh next please. However, don’t let pride get in the way of calling. It’s not a game, its real life. I think sometimes the issue happens because as women we are taught to let a man have space. It’s hard..I get it..I really do.

Men: When do you let your woman know you care? Before someone else does. Ha! I love that line! Seriously, why aren’t you making an effort? Is it because you think she’s playing a game. Do you know how hard it is to open up as a woman? I know for me, it’s very hard to let someone in. If you care about her, it’s quid quo pro yo! Give back to her and watch how much a good woman gives in return. Pride aint ever got nobody nuthin! (In proper grammar: Pride leaves you lonely.) A woman wants to know you care enough to keep in touch regularly. Derr.

Until Next Time…Ciao!

August 28, 2013 Posted by | Dating Advice, Mistakes, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment