Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Communication, Commitment and Expectations-oh my!

I received a very interesting advice request today that hit close to home. So….I’m gonna share. (I asked for permission and this is anonymous and paraphrased because the entire letter was too long for a post.)

Dear Dating in Vegas,

I’m engaged to someone who won’t commit to a wedding date. Also, she does not have sex as much as I would like. I’m very frustrated and when I try talking to her she shuts down. How do you think I can approach this with her?

Sincerely.

Anonymous

I’m going to qualify my opinion first. 1. I am not necessarily a champion at relationships. Although I do think its easier to give advice from the outside. 2. I am very confident with giving dating advice. If you want to spot a player. I am your girl hands down. I see them from a mile away. I also know how to NOT play games while you are in the dating field. (However, when it comes to love…well…I’m still learning and making many mistakes.) 

I can relate to this person. I do not know what it’s like to wait for someone to commit to a wedding date because that wasn’t an issue when I got married. I am going to address the rest first and circle back on the marriage topic. I can relate to Anonymous because I do understand what it’s like to not have your physical needs fulfilled. The best way to describe that feeling is:

  • It makes you feel undesirable
  • It hurts your feelings
  • For me it is VERY upsetting..like almost painful..and I get irritable
  • It makes my needs feel unimportant

What happens when one partner can’t communicate this to the other? I don’t know how men react. I’ve already said that we speak different languages. I reacted poorly prior to speaking about it. At first, I tried all kinds of things. Good girls can be very adventurous you know! However, eventually you stop trying and get cranky. How do you communicate something like that? I don’t know how to address it successfully because my experience was not positive but I was in a unique situation. My advice is gentle yet direct. I think when we don’t communicate things..we start to fester.  I highly recommend all the cards being on the table when you are in a relationship. It’s the best way. However, we need to remember that we can’t take back misspoken words. Be VERY VERY careful and think before you speak. Chose each word carefully. I can’t stress this part enough. If you are dealing with a delicate subject like this, you need to choose your words wisely.  If you do that and they still shut down or it blows up then it’s time to look at who you are committing to. Is this an expectation you’re willing to let go of?

Now let’s discuss the marriage date. I am certainly no expert on that topic. I would like to challenge Anonymous (and anyone else who this might help) by asking some questions. Do you want to marry someone you can’t talk about your feelings/concerns with? Marriage is hard. (It’s waaaaay easier than dating though if you ask me.) However, there are many times both parties will need to address something the other is doing or not doing. It takes compromise and full partnership to work. How can you be in a partnership with someone you can’t talk to? Do you want to marry someone who is not fulfilling your physical (as in sex peeps) needs. I can tell you I don’t. If this is a problem BEFORE a marriage, consider what it will be like 10 years into the marriage. Personally, I’ve given this some serious thought and it is a deal breaker for me. I am not going to remain in a long-term relationship where those needs are not addressed. The best marriages will have ups and downs in this area. (I read it in several marriage books..yeah I’ve never had a BEST marriage personally but if it’s in a book it’s gotta be true..derr) Consider the possibility that if you are ALREADY having these problems and you are unable to discuss them with your partner there might be big problems down the road.

What’s my advice: I am not going to suggest to anyone what to do or not do  with their loved ones. Who am I to do so?  I HIGHLY recommend waiting on the wedding date until these issues are worked out. Why rush when there are a couple of pretty big problems staring up at you? What expectations are you willing to let go of and what do you need. Marriage is a big deal. There is still a little girl inside of me that believes it is forever. She believes that with all of her soul. Don’t jump into something that sacred without being sure.

Remember:

communication

Until Next Time….Ciao!

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July 18, 2013 - Posted by | Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Reblogged this on MissFUNKtion Boutique! Bringing sexy back….

    Comment by renacokayne | July 23, 2013 | Reply


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