Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Fear of Love

Sometimes, I write only for people. Sometimes, I write just to vent. Sometimes, like today I write for myself and with the hopes of helping others too. What is love anyways? That’s the million dollar question right.  I have tried to define it before with friends with little success. I can’t tell you what it is because it’s too infinite. I can tell you what it is not.

  • Love is not shallow. (It is not based on what someone’s net worth is or how well endowed someone is.)
  • Love is not conditional. (It is not about what someone does or doesn’t do. This one scares me the most. I no longer want to be a door mat.)
  • Love is not always the same. ( I love my children in individual and unique ways. I have never loved a man the same way. Yeah I haven’t actually loved a lot of men but I promise they’ve always been in unique ways and for  different reasons.)

broken_heart

So what right? I know..I agree.. but indulge me for a minute. I am scared of loving someone..actually I am scared of letting someone know how much they mean to me. I fear that. I feel it but I fear it. I am usually so blunt but I can’t seem to express myself. The last time I used the words “I love you” for the first time, it took me at least two weeks to build up to it and about 6 solid attempts. (Yeah I know…what a punk!) I mean I literally chickened out several times on several occasions. I took a deep breathe leaned over and just…stopped. Why? I’ve been outspoken since I was three. Why did I stop?

It’s because I am scared of someone changing (for the worse) once they realize I love them. Kinda like: (Now that I have her, I am going to mistreat her.) It’s all I’ve experienced before. It’s kinda sad and very very pathetic. I can at least say the men regretted it after the fact. BUT…what good does that do me?  So I am scared of letting a man know I love them more than absolutely anything. However, I did it! I did it because life is short. I did it because I have had a couple of people I care deeply for die and I should have said things I didn’t. I did it because it was like this enormous weight bearing down on me and I was about to explode if I didn’t let him know how I felt. I have discovered that I am no good at deception in any form. I really need to have everything out in the open in order to be myself.  I felt 1000% times better once I said it.

So what’s my moral??? I guess the idea is to leave you with some food for thought. I believe most of us are looking for love. However, in order to really find that we need to let go of fear and show vulnerability. I almost gagged writing the word “vulnerability” but it’s solid advice. Letting fear control us will hold us back from anything worth having. Relationships really are about risk. Risk of failure, risk of rejection, and most definitely risk of heart ache. Let go!

****DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion. I do not presume to know your situation or every situation. I discovered a long time ago that I am not like the majority of women I know. Take it for what it’s worth yo!****

Until Next Time…Ciao

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June 11, 2013 - Posted by | Love, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. Sometimes we have to be hurt and have bad experiences, such as having our hearts broken and stamped on… in order to know ‘real’ love.

    Comment by justagirl69 | June 11, 2013 | Reply

  2. I definitely agree. I also think those heart breaks teach us what our boundaries are. Thank you for reading.

    Comment by datinginvegas | June 11, 2013 | Reply


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