Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

3 Meal Bit#@: What’s Your Label?

Labels  I hate labels. I really do but….yeah I’m going to label for a minute. THEN I’m going to offer a different perspective. So, um wait for it-k? I have been giving a lot of advice lately. (I know you’re wondering why but there’s no need to be rude-right?) So as I was saying, I’ve been reading through different people’s dating problems and one common issue I read about  is men or women that always get stuck being the booty call or the back up date or the I want you back person. I can relate to back up but I’ve never had a guy only try to hook up. LET ME QUALIFY: I’ve always had a guy pretend to court me. Hence, I’ve been the 3 meal bitch girl many times.

This means a guy has thought I am worth investing about three meals in and if I’m not putting out by then, they lose interest. Kinda like I’m cute but not special. (No I am not labeling myself-I really do think I’m pretty awesome…I mean blunt, bubbly, smart yet silly women aren’t growing on trees ya know!) The exception to this would be men who actually kinda like me or the major players that feel my limited experience is a major conquest… BUT..I already done learned that lesson so I aint gonna fall fer it. I can also relate to the “I want you back” girl. Funny how that works. You see they treat me like crap and then somewhere down the road they decide they’re sorry and I’m the most amazing woman they’ve ever met . All I can say to men or women who are getting this line is to really consider what that means. How bad were they? Is this the type of behavior that really can change? (An example of that was my ex husband was an alcoholic. I knew he would never be a good husband as long as he was a viciously mean drunk. I also doubted he would ever stop drinking. Hence, there was no way he could ever treat me right or change and therefore no chance of reconciliation…ya follow me?) Also, I can’t stop thinking if I am so great why did the man treat me so poorly? Boundaries my peeps…think about your boundaries. That’s all I gotta say about that.

So I’ve been reflecting on what it takes to be labelled by a person of the opposite gender. Here’s a big secret: I’ve always secretly feared that last label. The I want you back label. It concerned me that I don’t inspire men who claim to love me to really treat me right. I mean it really worried me for a while. I thought maybe it meant that because I am so self-sufficient, no man will ever want to take care of me. (um no I don’t need pay my bills. I can make my own money yo..) I mean they wouldn’t want to be in a loving partnership with me. I feared I am not the kind of woman men feel like that about but that I am the kind of woman a man likes to take for granted. The kind of woman men don’t want to be tender to or to cherish or to marry or blah blah blah blah.I even had a guy tell me that in the past.  Before you even go there…I already know that’s STUPID.

don't label me

I spent about five years owning that label. I took bad experiences from a marriage and bad experiences from a dumb ass who used me and just assumed that was the type of woman I was and the fate I needed to “own.” That is just so absolutely ridiculous. What makes me special? I am every woman. No doubt. I really am fierce and tender and independent and needy and classy and ghetto and good and naughty. I don’t need to own any label that anybody gives me.. I don’t need to prove myself to anybody. I am unique and so are you. So what’s my advice after this long rant????

We are not a certain type of anything. Each and every person you come across in life is going to find value in you or not. I am not a nag by nature but I really think I will go to my grave trying to encourage people to never let anyone trample your boundaries or stymie your individuality. We  can’t change people and we shouldn’t even want to. So, don’t own any negative “label” about yourself. To believe it is only going to draw that energy to you. Each new encounter with a possible love interest is a fresh start and a unique situation.  Drop the label. I leave you with a challenge. Think about what makes you special. I guarantee there is plenty. self esteem

Until next time…Ciao!

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May 28, 2013 - Posted by | Dating Advice, Personal Growth, Uncategorized

3 Comments »

  1. Oh I LOVE everything about this!! (I’m pretty sure I say that about every post I comment on…haha!) I mean it’s true. I hate labels. Well, I hate negative labels. So many use those negative labels to define who they are. I used to do that.

    I’m reading a book called Modern Dating and there’s actually a section that talks about “recycling.” I thought it was really interesting. It talked about in what instances should you take a significant other back for another chance. I don’t have it with me right now in the office but I’d love to tell you about it later!

    Comment by dsantos85 | May 29, 2013 | Reply

    • I wish there was a way to block negative labels. I will never understand why I have such an easier time believing the bad stuff people say about me than the good but it’s common. It takes 20 compliments to negate one insult. (or so they say)

      As far as recycling, I would have to say there are many reasons not to but like so many things in life, there are exceptions. I just don’t have anyone personally I would take back. Too much pain and too many bad memories. I would love the name of the book when you get a chance! Thanks Deb!

      Comment by datinginvegas | May 29, 2013 | Reply

      • Hope you were able to get a glance on my book review! 🙂 It has all the information on there

        Comment by dsantos85 | June 2, 2013


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