Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

What You MEANT Doesn’t Matter..derr

At what point are we accountable for our own actions? I get bad actions as the result of trauma or issues. I was married to an alcoholic for 13 years and my mother is a drug addict. I am compassionate to the fact that I understand it’s an illness. Some people argue that it’s not. I watched a good man battle demons he could not control. I watched him become someone he secretly despised which just fed the disease. BUT at what point does that excuse people from their actions? I may get some angry emails from this but I’m sorry it doesn’t matter. Man is defined by his actions. I just don’t care about the disease or the why. I only care about the selfish actions. I only care about the results. For example: You may be an alcoholic but at what point is it your fault for tormenting people in a drunken rage? The first time? The second? The 100th? I believe in forgiveness but I also believe in not allowing someone to continuously hurt me on the grounds that they didn’t mean to. So someone’s been hurt or has an addiction and is now treating others poorly. Why should he/she get a pass? I have no free pass. Why should you? In my humble opinion, the only people who get a pass are children. However, once they grow up they are also accountable for their actions. We are accountable. I could apply this to so many aspects of life. I worry about a society that thinks it can justify anything with, “he had a terrible home life.” Give me a break. No one better ever use that on me. I have had things happen to me too. I only mention it because if you are scarred that’s okay. We all have scars. I have a scar literally on my face to remind me of my childhood. It’s okay to have a history. I am not judging that.  It’s okay.

What’s NOT okay is to justify actions on the grounds of he/she didn’t mean it. I am not saying don’t forgive. It’s not about that. Forgiveness is divine. I suppose boundaries apply here.  I have seen girlfriends of mine hurt over and over because her husband doesn’t mean to do it. I have seen men cheated on over and over because they believed deep down the woman is good. I have been hurt because he didn’t mean to do it. I may not mean to do something once…but if I am repeatedly hurting someone it doesn’t matter why it only matters that I am. So like um is there a point? (yes there is) but I’m gonna be blunt about it because that’s the mood I’m in….

Ladies: Please quit trying to change some guy you’re with because he doesn’t mean to do the things he did. I can’t stress this next part enough: it doesn’t matter if he is really a good man inside. What are his actions? If he’s acting like a douche he is one. “A man is the sum of his actions…” by Gandhi, Mahatma.

Gentleman: Stop trying to turn a bad woman into a good one. Do not let yourself be fooled with drama queens (they come in all types of packages.)  “You can’t turn no hoe into no housewife.” by Ludacris

Boom goes the dynamite.

Until next time..Ciao!

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May 14, 2013 - Posted by | Mistakes, Personal Growth | , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. Me, Me, Me, I want to be the devils advocate.. So what you are saying is the hole in a persons soul that is in the shape of the person who hurt them and how little they face this and instead repeat it have no excuse and they have no healing to be done??? They are their actions! So what does it make that place within them that hurts so deeply and sees love in such a twisted way? One of the things the mind will tell you is that you are always going to be in pain.. this thought process is the defense to never allow one to heal and is the shape we said prior.. So what you are living inside you is much more painful than the pain you inflict on others outside you. This energy needs to be stopped! Is it possible to just forgive in this way? In this case no hope that the past can be any different and let go to be something more.. How this evolution can happen can ultimately bring a depth to a relationship that gives all your relationships including the relationship with yourself a door to heal! I love your brutal honesty.. quite refreshing! 🙂 Lois&Clark

    Comment by Lois Lane & Clark Kent | May 14, 2013 | Reply

  2. I am not as deep as you my friend. I know enough about myself to admit that I am simple in nature. I think the evolution takes place when people realize we are what we think and do. I love an opposing opinion..especially from you guys!

    Comment by datinginvegas | May 14, 2013 | Reply

  3. Preach sister! ❤

    Comment by Amy | May 16, 2013 | Reply

  4. Amen!

    Comment by Audrey | May 20, 2013 | Reply


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