Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

Life’s About Game Changers

I am feeling rather deep tonight. The anniversary of the death of the father of my children, my husband of 13 years and my high school sweetheart is coming up. No I was not in love with him when he died. That does not mean I did not love him. You can’t stop loving someone you’ve known that long or have experienced that much with. (So I am not mourning in the same manner a widow would.) I am reminiscing.  I had a relative of his tell me tonight that I am one of the strongest women he has ever met and how much he admires me.

First off, um no I did not pay him. (yeah some of you went there.) I was actually touched and told him no I am not strong. I am resilient. I survive and I continue. Kinda like the bushes in my backyard that I didn’t water for a year and just came back to life. Boy howdy I am derailing again. I’m such a girl. This got me thinking of game changers in our life. I have had many so far.

Although I am older than some of my followers and younger than others, I know there will be more to come in my life. A Game Changer is something that happens to you that profoundly changes who you are. (Hopefully it is a change for the better but perhaps that’s not always the case.) For example, I had a very traumatic experience (actually I had many) but one incident stands out  that forever changed my viewpoint on life. I discovered at 8 that the world is not a safe place and parents will not always protect you even if you are a good girl and even if you say your prayers every night. This didn’t make me a worse or a better person..it just..changed me. This was my first game changer. My second was a little happier.

I gave birth to a son at 20. GAME CHANGER! I will never forget them bringing him into my hospital room in his little bassinet and…leaving him with me! I panicked! What am I supposed to do if he cries? Um I didn’t even take homec. Um I don’t even think I spelled it right just now. Obviously I discovered that babies are a lot tougher than they look. I only dropped him a few times. (I keed I keed) Actually the game changer for me with this was realizing all I really wanted for that baby is for him to have a better childhood than I had. I wanted him to always know he came first and to really put him first. All of my selfish motives flew out the window the second I looked into his eyes. “This is real. I may not be ready but this is real.” So that’s what I did. I started at a very low spot in an office and worked my way up to management. More importantly, I tell that kid (and his brother that followed) I love him at least 10 times a day. When all is said and done, my boy’s  know I have their back. I never knew how to give that much to anyone until I became a mother. That baby that was wheeled into my room at 20 made me a better person. Game changer number three was rougher.

I dreamed of being married like 60,000 years. Okay maybe not that long but a nice long time with lots of grand babies and a cranky old husband. (Don’t judge my dream. I’m a simple woman by nature.) It didn’t happen. I married the life of the party and one day the party ended. One day I realized I can’t do this anymore. One day I realized I didn’t even like the man he became. That same day I realized I don’t want my sons to think that being like him was acceptable. I was sitting at the table and eating dinner with a man I couldn’t stand. I’m so so sorry but it’s true. In a strange way I snapped. (There’s more to the story but ya get my drift.) I realized I needed to find a way out because this was slowly killing me. Game Changer. Just like that all of my dreams came crashing down. I was in a bad situation and no amount of pretending was going to make it otherwise. It took courage I never knew I had to stand up to him but I did it. The most recent Game Changer is perhaps the most profound yet.

So then that same man died. I wish I could say he died in a car wreck. (If you find that crude I am sorry) My heart breaks for car wreck victims. He died senselessly and violently and in a way that embarrassed his family. It left us all scratching our heads and wondering why. It changed the way I looked at life forever. Sometimes, he was a jerk but he had this HUGE spirit. To think of him being gone forever is still hard to believe. Such charisma and such potential and such a waste. To tell my children their father was gone was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do..I mean ever. There were also things I should have said. There were things I wish he knew. The story of him is over for now. No more chances. Game Changer. As I said this was the most profound. I no longer look at problems the same. There are problems and there are “PROBLEMS.” I really started thinking about this when I found out my office is being closed. Yeah consolidated..as in no more LV office after next week. I am worried. I am a single mom and need to provide. The fact that I didn’t positively break down in a panic says a lot. It’s just not the end of the world. There are worse things. So how does this apply to dating?

Well you see we all have this baggage or maybe I should say this series of game changers in our lives. If anyone tells you they are “drama free” they are living under a rock or lying. It’s just not possible. Life is drama. What is possible my friends is to take those game changers and make something positive out of them. I think I talk about this a lot but..please do not let those game changers prevent you from moving forward in life. Life is still good and you won’t meet anyone worth knowing if you do not continue to move forward and stop looking backwards. Until next time..Ciao!

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May 1, 2013 - Posted by | Personal Growth | , , , , , , , ,

7 Comments »

  1. I want to hug you. This is beautifully said and so very true. Life IS about game changers, and how we react to them.

    Thank you for this. Lovely and poignant and good advice, as usual.

    Comment by Amy | May 2, 2013 | Reply

  2. Thank you for reading and thank you even more for the comment! We can’t stop game changers. We can only control how we react to them.

    Comment by datinginvegas | May 2, 2013 | Reply

  3. You are one tough, strong woman. There is no doubt in my mind that you are both resilient and resourceful. My fingers are crossed for you that you find something soon.

    Comment by Kitt Crescendo | May 4, 2013 | Reply

    • Thank you Kit! Soon doesn’t matter..I just want it to be real…

      Comment by datinginvegas | May 4, 2013 | Reply

      • I agree…relationshipwise. I was wishing soon for the job situation. 😉

        Comment by Kitt Crescendo | May 4, 2013

      • No doubt! I feel like things are going to work out. I feel it in my bones 🙂

        Comment by datinginvegas | May 4, 2013

  4. Good stuff!

    Comment by shawnpmcclellan | May 8, 2013 | Reply


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