Single in Sin City

A good girls survival guide to dating in Las Vegas

This is the Part Where I Run

RUNThis is the part where I run!  Once I became single and clueless, I diligently put my single track mind to work. I spent time and research to get comfortable with dating and then attempted to master it. Then somewhere along the way I realized how stupid that was. (no offense to anybody who loves dating.) I do not love it. I have a very hard time with warming up to a stranger in a romantic way…Actually I’m not being honest. I have a hard time with intimacy. I need to feel comfortable around someone..then I am all about affection. BUT I am straying again. (you gotta watch me..I do go on an on) As I was saying,  I realized that I don’t care about being a super dater. I just want to avoid players and punks. I went through a whole bunch of assholes jerks as I put my dating theory to work.Then I met someone.

I met someone I really like. I met someone I think of more than I should. I met someone who I think feels the same way. THEN I realized I’m scared. It never occurred to me until recently that I am not ready to get hurt again. Rejected yes (that hurts too)…Although I have been going through a series of rejections since I started dating. (um no comments cuz that shiznit hurts my pride.) I still have some confidence in me. A broken heart is something different. You see, I realize that I may have a broken heart again. I just don’t think I can handle another one right now.

I had my entire world collapse on me less was than a year ago and the one person I truly thought I could count on turned out to not be for real. To give an analogy it was like being kicked in the diaphragm and then kicked in the head when I fell. First I lost all my breath and dropped to the ground and then I was knocked the heck out. So I cried, and I prayed, and because I am one tough chic, I picked myself up. My bad dreams faded, the panic over the added responsibility has passed, and I have found a way to forgive the person who abandoned me the one time I ever really needed to lean on someone as an adult. That last part was important. Forgiveness is a part of healing as well as moving on. (just in case you didn’t know.) I HAVE to tell everyone this because it’s a BIG part of what I just discovered about myself. Once I realized I don’t want to be hurt right now..not the devastating broken heart kind of hurt…I planned on running. push away

Running probably isn’t the best description…I planned on pushing him away. How? Easy…I wall myself off and become the ice queen. You know bullet proof. It’s how I survived my childhood. I never lashed out, I walled up. But……I’m lonely. I crave real companionship. What would it mean if I did that? It would mean I would take myself right back to the dating field. It would mean living and operating in fear. It would mean I am a punk. I am not a punk. So I didn’t push and I didn’t run. I’m not going to play games and I’m not going to be stupid…err I’m not going to be more stupid.  I’m here in very uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory. I am not going to live in fear and I am not going to project past failures onto a new relationship. I am going to let go and let GOD decide. I am going to trust. (This is a good girls guide to dating in sin city…so I’m gonna stay faithful.) It may work out and it may not but I am not going to let fear of failure dictate my actions. Regardless of my relationship future with this specific man, I am going to give it a fair chance because…..

fear

So my moral for today?? Do not let fear or past failures ruin your future. Treat each new relationship as a brand new opportunity to find something special….because it is. Oh and spiders are scary.

Until next time.. Ciao!

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April 9, 2013 - Posted by | Dating Advice, Relationships, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

5 Comments »

  1. The most primordial awakening that can happen is not so much that you embrace the pain from you, but you do not allow it to give you the love it is required to heal within it. This is what someone will fall in love with you for, for being vulnerable for allowing what you stay true to in truth inside you. The more you hide this from another the more pain you are calling to come between you because you are staying within a lie to yourself. It is the reason this kind of energy continues to find you until you make a decision you no longer want to call to that kind of energy anymore. You repeat the behavior you experience out of the energy that abandon you, cause you are abandoning yourself. It is not on purpose you can’t see it for what this is, cause you are always running. Running from what exactly? You run from what if someone stays with me, then I am going to have the experience of them finding out about me, it is almost like you call to them to not have this experience and fear it more than you can ever see experiencing it. I say chose the moment.. it is all you ever have and become in love with the fear itself to remove it. If you don’t, as you continue to experience you will stay in the same cycle of what if inside yourself, only calling to what you fear in the first place. I hope this makes sense my dear friend. I wish to see your happiness flourish and your freedom you are emerge. Clark

    Comment by Clark Kent | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  2. Yes I agree Clark. That’s the entire point of the post. (I’m just not as beautiful a writer as you.) I love the way you wrote “choose the moment.” I could also say, I choose happiness. You can’t swallow fear; you face it until it stops being scary. Otherwise, I will be doomed to repeat the same behaviors over and over. Although I am never going to face a spider so I will remain scared of them. Thank you my dear friend for your kind words..I’m stepping out of my normal patterns…promise.

    Comment by datinginvegas | April 10, 2013 | Reply

  3. http://clarkkent07.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/wordpress-family-award/ honored to honor you! 🙂

    Comment by Clark Kent | April 11, 2013 | Reply

    • I am so very very very honored. Thank you!

      Comment by datinginvegas | April 12, 2013 | Reply

  4. […] RUN This is the part where I run! Once I became single and clueless, I diligently put my single track mind to work. I spent time and research to get comfortable …howtodateinlv.wordpress.com/…/this-is-the-part-where-i-run/ […]

    Pingback by My Double Life: The Biker and the Boy : Best Dating Tips Online | April 21, 2013 | Reply


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